A New Year

Here I am, sipping champagne with friends, kids tucked in, and midnight approaching.  It has been a fabulous close to the year.  I had a very mellow day with my kids.  From the moment we woke up, until the sun set, it snowed without stopping.  We marveled at the snow together, and even watched a group of at least five turkeys, wander through our snowy yard.  All day long, I played with the kids and cleaned the house.  It was hard not to get distracted by the beautiful way the year was coming to a close.

This past year has been interesting, to say the least.  Our family saw many changes, challenges, and joys in the last twelve months.  At the beginning of this year I made the big leap from stay at home mom, to working mom.  This change pushed me to my limits, and eventually lead me to question whether my choices were the best for my family.  I grappled with feelings of guilt as I watched my children handle seeing me less, and be thrust into daycare.  I finally realized that I wasn't giving my son the time he needed, and I wasn’t focusing on his therapy nearly as much as I should.  Halfway through the year, I made the decision to return home, and Christian’s progress skyrocketed.

This year has been full of breakthroughs for Tessie as well.  She was always my cautious daughter, surrounded by adventurous, physical friends, and stood out as the one hesitating to take any chance.  This year she came out of her shell.  She started being more physically confident, especially when she started taking ballet.  This year, I watched my baby turn into a little girl, and it was simultaneously wonderful and heartbreaking. 

Christian has gone from a baby who can’t sit up by himself, to a child on the verge of a breakthrough.  He can now sit and play somewhat independently, walk in his walker forward and backward, and is getting better at rolling.  His frustration has been heightened in some ways, but is also subsiding in other ways.  At the beginning of this year I felt an overwhelming sadness and anger when I thought of the things he was missing out on, and now I feel hope for all the things he will do.

I don't know what will come in this new year.  I can hope for big things to happen,  and happiness to prevail.  I hope my son gets stronger, as does my marriage and my relationship with my children.  I hope I love myself more, and let myself off the hook more for trivial issues. As of this moment, I am happy.  Really happy.  I want this happiness to leak into the new year.  If today was any indication of the year to come, then I have a beautiful year ahead of me.

My hope for the new year.