Oh Christmas Tree

I am going to state for the record, that Thanksgiving was way to early this year.  I tried to hold back, and wait until December, but I caved with one day to go.  Today we got our Christmas tree.  Nick and I have always cut down our own tree.  Bundling up, heading to the mountains, and selecting the perfect tree is one of many favorite holiday traditions.  This year the kids were really excited to go, and had been talking about it for days.  As we were getting ready, Christian, who was feeling much better today, was smiling from ear to ear. 

We piled the kids in the car and headed up into the mountains.  Tessie gave us all jobs.  Her job was to look for a good tree, Nick’s was to cut the tree down, mine was to look for critters, and Christian was supposed to hold the “map” and tell us where to go.  Feeling comfortable in our roles, we turned off onto a forrest road and began the search.  The kids were in great spirits, but after fifteen minutes of bumpy road, Christian began to nod off.  By the time we found “The Tree” he was sound asleep.  Nick, Tessie, and I got out of the car and climbed up a little hill.  We girls watched, as Nick cut it down.  Tessie cheered and called out “You’re so strong Daddy!” as Nick dragged it to the car.  We loaded it onto the roof, and headed home.

Tessie was asleep before we got back on pavement, and Nick and I reminisced about previous tree-cutting expeditions.  Christian woke up just as Nick turned off the engine.  We both turned back to say hi.  “I wanna get a tree.” he said, happy and excited.  I could hear both of our hearts sink at the same time.  As we told him that we had already gotten a tree, and tried to get him excited to see it, Christian began to head into the dark place where tantrums abound.  It wasn’t long before he was in a full on melt down. 

After a long time cooling down in time-out, Christian rejoined us, with his sister, in the living room as I was finishing stringing the lights.  He was still pretty grumpy.  That is, until I plugged in the tree.  There was a collective sigh, as we all took in our magnificent tree.  Christian completely forgot he was upset, and we all just stared at the lights.  Later, as we were getting ready for the bath, I asked Christian if he liked our tree.  “I love, love, love it!”  There is nothing quite like the beauty of a newly lit Christmas tree.

The Healing Power of a Sister

I am typing this after just having finished cleaning vomit out of my couch.  Just another evening in mom land.  How, you ask, is this going to lead up to anything beautiful?  Well that is the whole point of this project, I guess.  Take something taxing, or downright disgusting, and learn to see the beauty in it.  That, or go completely insane.  So let me backtrack, to a moment before my couch stunk to high heaven, and explain. 

My poor baby boy has somehow acquired a nasty bug, complete with fever, congestion, no appetite, and the beginnings of a chest cough.  To say the least, he is miserable.  We spent most of the day snuggling on the couch, watching movies.  After a trip to the doctor’s this afternoon, I was armed with antibiotics, mucus expectorant, vapor rub, and pain killers.  I wanted my baby to feel better.  We got a few bites of dinner in him, and then I put him in his Dad’s arms on the couch, while I went to get his medications ready.  Tessie put on her ballet slippers, and danced for us, making Christian smile and laugh.  But then he coughed, gagged, and threw up all over his dad’s arm, the couch, and the floor.

I produced towels faster than I knew how, and Nick and I cleaned up our whimpering boy.  Tessie ran over and put her hand on her brother.  “Oh Bubbi,” she said, “I’m so sorry you got sick, poor baby.”  It just about broke my heart.  Once Christian was cleaned up, and in fresh pajamas, I set him back on the couch, on a clean section, and started to ready his nighttime doses.  Tessie got him to laugh again, and lay down next to him on the couch.  By the time I carried Christian to bed, he was happy and ready to sleep.  The power of his sister can do anything, even make him forget he just was sick, and that is beautiful.

Dolphins

Our little guy had to stay home from school today because of a fever, and he was not happy about it.  In fact, Tes and I walked out the door to the sound of him wailing “I wanna go to school too!”  I dropped Tes off at school, drove home, sent Nick of to work with a kiss, and checked on my sick boy.  He seemed remarkably better, probably on account of the Ibuprofen, and was working with his physical therapist in his room.  They were looking at flash cards of animals, and Christian was reaching with alternating hands to grab them, and place them on a pile on the bed.  He was doing all of this while sitting super straight and tall, and without using his hands for support.  It was pretty remarkable. 

When Christian saw me watching he called out “Mamma!” with a big smile on his face.  Then, as if he had just remembered something, he started digging through the pile of cards on the bed, looking for something.  When we asked what he was looking for he replied “Tes and Bubbi.”  Luckily his therapist knew which one he wanted, and helped him produce a card with two dolphins, jumping side by side.  “Look!  Tes and Bubbi!” he said with pride, holding the card up for me to see. 

I was so blown away, on several levels, that at first I didn’t say anything.  Then I smiled, and asked if he thought the dolphins looked like brother and sister.  He said yes, and went back to playing his game.  He continued to sit, for almost an hour total, and only fell once.  I was so unbelievably proud of this accomplishment, but I was even more moved by his devotion to his sister.  He kept the dolphin card in his lap, and continued to refer to it during the rest of his session.  Even when working as hard as he was, he was thinking of his sister the whole time, how beautiful.

Jello

My afternoon of cleaning was interrupted today by a phone call from Christian’s daycare.  He had been acting lethargic all day, and upon further investigation by his teachers, it was discovered he had a low fever.  I said I was on my way, happily put down my mop, and drove out to the school.  It is always easier to collect Tessie first, and then Christian.  The problem is that I have to walk past Christian’s class to get to Tes.  Today I managed to sneak by without him spotting me, and found a happy girl waiting for me.  We gathered up Tessie’s things and I told her that her brother wasn’t feeling well.  She said she would help me take care of him and, hand in hand, we walked into his class. 

Christian was snuggled in a teacher’s arms, looking like he felt pretty bad.  His eyes were glassy and his cheeks were flushed.  I picked him up and gave him a tight cuddle.  His teacher said he had barely eaten anything all day, aside from a little jello.  Suddenly, Christian giggled.  “What’s so funny?” I asked him, smiling.  “Jello!” he laughed.  I jiggled with him in my arms and said “jello” in a silly voice.  This sent him into a full on giggle fit.  As I gathered his things and handed them to Tes, I occasionally gave a “jello wiggle” and Christian went into another giggle fit each time. 

He continued his giggling as we walked down the hall and into the parking lot.  As I buckled him into his seat, he still looked sick, but he was smiling and laughing.  Tessie helped keep the jello ball rolling, so to speak, and together we kept Christian in a good mood, all the way home.  I gave Christian some Tylenol as soon as we got home, and he fell asleep watching a movie.  I’m sure he will be feeling better soon, but for now I am grateful that just a little silliness can turn a potentially crummy afternoon into a beautiful one.

The No-TV Dinner

I was struck with inspiration today, and completely rearranged my house.  Seriously.  The living room and dining room switched places.  It began as simply trying to make a spot for the Christmas tree, that we are planning on getting sometime in the next week, but morphed into something much bigger.  This is by no means unusual for me, it's actually one of my favorite pastimes.  I was pleased with the new arrangement, and even got Tessie's approval.  However, the biggest benefit of the new arrangement, didn't even occur to me until much later.

Because of the way the television is now positioned, we can no longer see it from the dining table.  Nick and I have been trying to eliminate, or at least cut down, TV during dinner.  It's been going okay, but the kids usually only make it so long without asking for a movie, because they can see the television the entire time.  Tonight we turned over a new leaf.

We sat down at the table as a family, and all ate together, telling stories about our day.  When the kids had both finished eating, neither one asked for a movie, instead they continued to laugh at each other's jokes and general silliness.  We sat at the table for almost an hour, all the way through dinner and desert, with happy kids, engaged in each other, not the TV.  It was nothing short of a miracle, and absolutely beautiful.

My Morning Surprise

Last night I finally got a really good night’s sleep.  I woke up at 7am when I heard the kids, but Nick told me he would go get them.  With absolutely no protest, I fell back asleep.  Just before I checked out I could hear, over the baby monitor, the kids happily greeting Nick.  I drifted back into a deep sleep to the sounds of their cheerful voices, and didn’t wake up for another hour. 

I am rarely spoiled in this way, mainly because our bedroom is a loft, and we have no bedroom walls.  Even if Nick tries to let me sleep in, it almost never works.  Today, I was so exhausted, that no noise was going to keep me from getting my forty winks.  I finally came back to the land of the living, and started to get out of bed.  I could hear everyone downstairs, but as soon as I started moving around, the noise from downstairs sopped.  As I stood up I heard whispers telling Tessie to wait.  I knew I had a surprise coming my way.

When I got to the top of the stairs I saw Tes at the bottom, holding up a drawing, and grinning from ear to ear.  When I got to the bottom of the stairs she proudly announced that the drawing was for me.  I looked at it and listened as she explained.  The most remarkable part was that she had written TES clearly across the bottom of the paper.  She also pointed out some hearts and Spiderman, but she was obviously most proud that she had written her name.  I hugged her tight, and told her how much I loved the drawing.  My eyes were still fuzzy, my voice gravely, and I hadn’t had a sip of coffee.  But I wasn’t gonna pass up this amazing present.  What a beautiful way to wake up.

My Best Sale

I had a long day at the craft fair.  After being on my feet, and smiling and talking all day, I was exhausted.  Towards the end of the day, I felt a little like I was on auto pilot, and it wasn’t helped by the fact that so far, I hadn’t been selling very well.  Despite my less than stellar sales, I was trying to keep a positive attitude.  It did seem like my booth was being received well, and everyone that I talked to commented on how nice my paintings were, or how much they liked my hats.  They just weren’t buying any of them.

Towards the end of the day, I was having a hard time sticking to my look-on-the-bright-side motto.  I was starting to seriously question whether my choice to do the show was simply foolish, and wondered if all my hard work was for naught.  Rather depressing stuff, really.  Then a young girl walked into my booth with her grandmother.  She seemed to be about thirteen, and was quiet and polite.  I slapped my happy face back on, and greeted them with a smile.  I suggested that she might find a pretty sign to hang in her bedroom, and she shook her head.  “It’s for my friend,” she told me.  “She’s leaving.”  I was immediately heart-sick for this young girl, who was loosing her best friend. 

She took her time and selected a bright and colorful sign that stated “Follow your heart.”  I wrapped it up for her, and thanked her profusely, adding that I thought it was a wonderful present.  As she walked away, I noticed my mood had lifted.  It wasn’t a huge sale, but it was my best.  I pictured the young girl saying goodbye to her friend who was moving away, and thought of my sign being the reminder of their friendship.  It moved me almost to tears.  I didn’t make another sale, and maybe I won’t tomorrow.  But when I think of the sign hanging in a new bedroom, somewhere far away, and the bond between friends that it represents, I will remember that I love what I do, and that is beautiful.

The Finish Line

I woke up this morning at 5:45.  Waking up before the sun is very unusual behavior for me.  I was not happy.  But I got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and got dressed.  I then proceeded to load my car up with every hand painted sign and knit hat I had made.  In the sub-freezing early morning light, I got everything loaded, left my sleeping family in their beds, and sure I was forgetting at least ten things, I headed into town.  Today was the first day of my first ever Arts and Crafts Fair.

I lucked out by finding a parking spot right in front of the main doors, and started to haul in box after box, feeling things were off to a great start.  Once the car was unloaded and re-parked, I confronted my booth.  My positive mood vanished as I quickly became overwhelmed by the chaos in front of me.  But I had to pull it together somehow, so I took a deep breath, and dove in.  Luckily, my father was kind enough to hang out and help me assemble racks, and together we started to build up my booth. 

It didn’t take long for the chaos to start to subside, and pretty soon it was looking pretty awesome.  My positive mood returned, and as I hung my signs and set up my display, the nervousness in my belly began to be replaced with excitement.  Finally, I stepped back to survey the finished product.  I had to admit, it looked awesome.  With half an hour to go before people started to walk through the doors, I had transformed my mass of creativity, into a very professional looking booth.  I was giddy.  It almost didn’t matter to me what the rest of the day would hold, I had made it to the finish line.  The culmination of months of hard work was displayed before me, and it was beautiful.

The Big Girl Bed

This evening, I was in a happy place.  We had a great, mellow Thanksgiving with family and friends, and I was enjoying watching my children entertain us all.  Little to Tessie's knowledge, we all had a big surprise planned for her.  My parents had brought up a new bed for her, and we were planning on setting it up in her room after dinner.  It finally came time to tell her.  I whispered in her ear that she was getting a big girl bed.  Tonight.  Madness ensued.

Tes jumped around, chanting "big girl bed" over and over.  In fact, her jumping got so wild that she ended up falling onto the coffee table and hitting her cheek.  We were able to subdue her tears by promising to bring the bed in.  Tessie and Bubbi both set up watch, as all the men in the house proceeded to put the new bed together.  Tessie continued her jumping routine, having forgotten the previous episode, and Christian watched from his booster chair, shouting encouragements.

When the bed was finally assembled and made up, both kids wanted to crawl in it right away.  I tucked them both in and asked what they thought.  "I love it." Christian said, and Tessie added, "I want to stay here forever."  Because my parents were staying the night, Christian slept in Tessie's room, in her old bed.  Tessie was happily under the covers in her new bed.  I tucked my big girl into her big girl bed, and kissed her goodnight.  Her happiness followed me out, a beautiful send off.

Lucy Is Home!

I may only have two kids, but I have always thought of us as a family of five.  Who was this other child?  My dog Lucy, of course.  Lucy is our eight year old Golden Lab, and she may be the most slobbery member of the family, but she is an integral member, nonetheless.  For the past week, we have been missing this furry member of our family.

Lucy has been on a hunting trip with Nick's dad, and her absence has been very obvious.  We noticed it in the lack of wet kisses when we walked in the front door, in the amount of food under Christian's high chair during meals, and in the cold space by my feet at night.  This evening, when the kids and I walked in the house, we got a big slobbery surprise.  Lucy was home!

Lucy pressed up against me, whining and shaking while I rubbed her ears.  Tes hugged her as tightly as she could, proclaiming her love for her dog into Lucy's fur.  Christian just looked at her, and in his serious voice said "that's my dog."  No matter the difference in our reactions, it was obvious that having our dog home was the most beautiful part of our day.

The Yodeling Car Ride

In the car this afternoon, my children both showed off an unusual talent.  While driving home, they started to yodel.  That’s right, yodel.  I’m not sure what inspired them to do so, but it was something else.  Tessie had been chatting away about everything under the sun, when she suddenly said “listen to this mom, yodel-lay-hee-hoo!”  I was caught off guard, and laughed.  Then Christian gave his attempt, an adorable “yo-hoo-hoo!”  They both wanted me to try, so I gave them my best yodel.  Before I knew it, the three of us were yodeling down the road.  After each round of yodels, Christian shouted “One last time!” which would send us into a fit of giggles, then we were yodeling again.  I never thought I would say this, but my yodeling car ride was beautiful.

No Where Else I'd Rather Be

This morning I opened my eyes, grudgingly, to my name being called repeatedly.  I practically oozed down the stairs, and collapsed onto Christian’s bed.  He was nothing but sweet, and was happy to see me.  I crawled under the covers and snuggled up close to him.  He put his little hand on my face, and whispered “mama.”  I closed my eyes and fooled myself into thinking I might be able to fall back asleep, but only for a moment.  That was when Tes came bounding into the room.

My little girl, who usually echos my sentiment of distaste for the early morning, was a bundle of joy.  She jumped onto the bed, and sent her brother into a fit of giggles.  In an attempt to stay in bed a little longer, I asked if the kids wanted to read a book.  They agreed, of course, and I picked a book, blindly, by reaching over to the bookshelf next to Christian’s bed. 

I proceeded to read them a book that was much longer than I had intended, but they were both absorbed instantly.  I could barely make out the words, my eyes hadn’t gotten the memo that we were awake, and I recited most of the book from memory.  Just as I was about to get annoyed that I was not asleep in my own bed, I looked to my right.  Both my kids were tucked into my arm, their heads leaned together, their faces peaceful.  Their little warm bodies were pressed against me, and I could feel happiness radiating off of them.  I sighed, and had to admit that no matter how tired I was, there was really no where else I’d rather be.  What a beautiful moment of acceptance. 

The Kid's Table

As we were making dinner tonight, the kids both wanted to play in Tessie’s room.  In the past, this was not so easily done.  We could prop Christian up on some cushions, or on Tessie’s bed, but usually we were called back quickly to help him sit up.  Tonight, I attached his booster chair to one of Tessie’s little chairs, and he sat at her table with her.  I laid down a long piece of paper for him to color, and both kids started scribbling happily.  Then I tiptoed out of the room to help Nick with dinner, and waited for them to notice.  They didn’t. 

After a while, Nick and I peaked back in the room.  Tes and Christian had their heads together, and were talking about their drawings.  I gazed a little too long, and was spotted, but instead of asking me to pick him up, Christian asked me to look at his drawing.  I walked over happily, and sat in one of the little chairs.  Tessie was drawing a dinosaur, and Christian was just happy to try out every crayon in the bucket. 

My parents bought Tes the table and chair set a couple Christmases ago, and I had envisioned two kids, sitting happily together, having tea or coloring.  I didn’t know at the time, that my second child would not be able to sit at the table as easily as I had imagined.  Seeing the two of them tonight, I was finally seeing that imagined picture in my head.  I can’t quiet explain how that felt, but the one word that comes close, is beautiful.

Treasure Boxes

This evening we had dinner at a friend’s house.  The kids had an amazing time, and it was hard to get them out the door.  Nick and I arrived in different cars, and he was in the middle of a political discussion, so I headed out with the kids solo.  By some lucky streak, I managed it without tears or tantrums.  Big score for mom.  When we got outside Tessie immediately gasped, and pointed to the stars.  It was a crystal clear night, and the sky was putting on a show.  Christian and Tes breathed deep in the cold air and gazed in wonder at the universe. 

I loaded them into the car and then walked around to get in myself.  Somehow, during my trip around the car, the topic of conversation had moved from stars, to treasure boxes.  Tessie was describing the kind of treasure box she would like to have, and said she would only keep very special things in it.  I asked if they would like to make some treasure boxes and both kids gave an enthusiastic “Yes!”  As we drove home I asked Christian what he would put in his box.  With utter certainty, he replied “cars.”  That's all.  Ok, cars are good.  I could tell Tessie was putting a lot of thought into the contents of her box.  And so after giving her a while to mull it over, I asked what would be in her treasure box.  “Princesses, fairies, and mermaids.”  “That sounds good.” I replied.  Of course.  Then Tes had something to add.  “And a picture of me and Bubbi.  Just us.”  I just smiled.  What more can I say, beautiful.

Sibling Bonds and Bites

Today, after a lot of morning activities, the kids and I visited Dad at work.  It was born more out of necessity than anything else.  Nick forgot his lunch at home, and I needed to eat before we went to the grocery store.  I was a little concerned that we may be approaching melt down central, and I entered the shop with crossed fingers.

Both kids were so happy to see their dad, that there were no tantrums in sight.  They both wanted to snuggle with him immediately, but took turns, and ate their lunches too.  I felt like I was on a hidden camera show.  Seriously?  This easy?  Never.  Nick even offered to go to the grocery store for me.  He promised it would be easy, no one would come in, the kids would watch an online movie, and he would be back right away.  He was almost right.

After he left, a costumer came in right away.  He didn't need much, and the kids didn't kill each other while I was helping him, so I felt ahead of the game.  Then another costumer came in, one I knew, and all hell broke loose.  As I was talking to the customer/friend, I glanced into the office just in time to see Christian clamping down on Tessie's hand with his mouth.  Before I could reach them, I could tell the damage had been done.  Tessie started to wail as I lifted her out of the chair she had been sharing with her brother.  As I held her in my arms she grew silent, a moment that any parent will tell you only announces the storm to come.  Sure enough, just as Nick walked in the door, Tes let out a cry, unparallelled by anything our friend had borne witness too before.  He quickly excused himself.

Upon examining Tessie's hand, and the toothmarks in her fingers, we asked Christian to apologize to his sister.  He did, but after a few giggles and snide remarks, and I'm not sure the gravity of the situation really sunk in.  But the beautiful part of this story is this; Tes got back in the chair with her brother.  They continued to watch cartoons on the computer, and they found that sibling bond, once again.

I peeked in the office a few minutes later to see them, heads bent together, deep in conversation.  Tessie was holding her hand up for her brother to see.  "It hurts me when you bite me, Christian." she said.  "And it made me really sad."  He nodded at her with solemn eyes.  For all the silly, complicated drama they find themselves in now, I know it will only get worse.  If they are lucky enough to keep this bond alive, then I think they will be able to handle anything.  And that would be a beautiful thing.

My Knight in Shining Armor

A few days ago I tweaked my neck.  Since then it has been stiff and sore, but manageable.  This morning, however, I woke up in so much pain, I couldn’t move.  I woke up to the sound of Christian over the monitor, and went downstairs to make a pot of coffee.  The pain snuck up on me, unrecognizable at first through my haze of tired confusion.  Then it hit me like a brick wall.  I went back upstairs and sat on the edge of the bed.  Nick leaned over to ask if I was okay but I couldn’t form the words to tell him what I was feeling.  I laid back down, closed my eyes, and tried to find that place of pain tolerance that I hadn’t accessed since Tessie was born.  Without questioning me, Nick went downstairs and I fell asleep. 

The next time I opened my eyes, it was an hour later and I could hear Nick and both kids downstairs.  I slowly and stiffly sat up, and walked down, clutching the railing.  I made it to the couch before collapsing, and sat there with my eyes shut tight, the pain even worse than before.  That was when my knight in shining armor arrived.  Nick brought me my coffee with a straw, so I wouldn’t have to sit up to drink it.  He practically force fed me a banana, then some ibuprofen.  The kids wanted to climb all over me, and Nick kept them calm.  He made me a heat pack from an old sock and some rice, and rubbed my neck.  Then, when I guess I showed no signs of improvement, he gave me a muscle relaxer, called in backup so he wouldn’t have to go to work right away, and sent me back to bed.  I was so grateful, all I could do was cry.

I slept for another few hours, and when I got up I felt out of it, but my neck felt somewhat normal again.  Nick brought lunch over to me on the couch, and made sure I was okay before he left for work.  My neck hurt on and off throughout the day, but it was nothing compared to what I felt this morning.  I don’t know what I would have done if Nick hadn’t been there for me.  That feeling of helplessness is terrible, especially for a mom.  My husband was amazing today.  I felt taken care of and safe, which is all anyone wants when in pain.  My hero came to my rescue, and it was beautiful.

The Hand-Print Turkey

Tessie had another rough drop-off at school today.  She stood in the hallway, crying loudly, demanding I carry her to class, for a good five minutes.  I insisted, all the while wishing I hadn’t, that she was a big girl and had to walk herself.  We eventually made it into the classroom, but Tes wouldn’t tell me goodbye, or even look at me.  Yes, that is the sound of my heart breaking.  I hate leaving her in a mood like that, and I found myself lingering by her classroom door, hoping for her to come running out, arms open wide.

I called to check on her about an hour later.  Her teacher said she was doing fine, and playing with her friends.  Even with the reassurance, her sad face was still floating before me as I painted, all day.  When it was time to pick the kids up I eagerly awaited seeing Tes, and hoped she was back to her happy self.

Sure enough, when I got to school, Tessie was all smiles to greet me.  We played a quick game of hide-and-seek, and then I got the daily report from her teacher.  They had been talking about Thanksgiving in class, and discussing the things they were grateful for.  Each child had made a turkey using their hand print, then were asked by their teacher what they were thankful for.  I had to see Tessie’s.

I walked out into the hall to see where the turkeys were displayed.  Right in the middle of the bulletin board, I found Tessie’s turkey.  He had pink tail feathers, of course, and across the bottom of the page it said “Tessie is thankful for her family.”  My heart swelled, and my hand rested on top of her head, as Tes threw her arms around my legs, and squeezed me tight.  For all the hard mornings, I am thankful for my sweet daughter, and all the beauty she gives me, even when I have to fight for it.

New Boots

One of the challenges that Christian faces is that his knees hyper-extend.  This means when he stands up, his knees bend backwards, making his top half lean forward, and his bottom stick out.  Basically, he can't stand up straight.  To aide him in training his muscles to hold his legs properly, he wears orthopedic braces. We call them his magic boots, and he wears them every time he stands or gets in his walker.

His magic boots were getting pretty small, and sometimes his feet would come right out of them while he was walking.  A few weeks ago, we had him re-fitted for new boots.  A cast was taken of both feet, so the new boots could be made specifically for him.  We have been anxiously awaiting their arrival.  Today was the big day.  Our appointment was early this morning, so we headed over on our way to school.  On the way Tes asked her brother if he was excited to get his new boots.  He looked at her, and in his most serious voice said "I'm excited to get my new boots, Tessie."

When Christian saw his new boots he broke out in a huge smile.  They had to be adjusted a little, so Christian waited with his therapist, while I tried to keep Tessie occupied.  When we finally got the boots and his shoes on, he stood up with his therapist supporting him, and they walked down the hall.  It seemed like the difference in his walking was immediate and huge.  Christian looked so proud as he took big steps all the way to the waiting room.  He loved his new boots, and when I picked him up from school today he was still wearing them.  His teacher told me she could hardly get him out of them all day.  He showed them off to his dad when we got home, and he walked around the living room and up the stairs with me.  As I was getting him ready for bath, he held one of the boots and gazed at it adoringly cooing "My boot!"  I never thought that I would have a child who had to wear orthopedic braces, let alone one who would be so excited about them.  Life is full of little surprises, and this one happens to be rather beautiful.

The Ride Home

After a fun-filled weekend away with friends, it was time to head home this morning.  After a mad-dash loading of the car, followed by Tessie slipping on ice and cutting her hand, we were not in the greatest mood leaving Pagosa Springs.  However, the drive to Taos is only about three hours, so we felt confident the kids would stop crying, and sleep most of the way home.  This proved to be true until we stopped for gas.  Both kids woke up, and I braced myself for an awful ride home. 

I was almost immediately proven wrong, when Christian started giggling at something his sister was doing.  She soon joined in, and Nick and I were right behind her.  We were then entertained by Tessie’s constant narrative, brief games of I-Spy, and Christian’s vast array of animal noises.  Now don’t get me wrong, it was by no means a perfect ride.  There were squabbles in the back seat, frustrated parent moments, and a couple minutes devoted to revisiting the boo-boos on Tessie’s hand.  But we were together, mostly having a wonderful time, and driving through some of the most beautiful country on earth. 

The kids marveled at the snow piled high in the forrest surrounding us, and the way it clung to the tall pines.  We gushed over the view from the top of the mountain pass, and we were even lucky enough to have a majestic buck prance across the road in front of the car.  As we neared home, the cheerful atmosphere started to deteriorate, but that was to be expected since the kids slept for such a short time.  Once we were home, and their little bodies were rested, they were happy once more.  And so I could look back on the car ride home fondly, and see it for the beautiful family moment that it was.

I Wanna Play That Guitar!

This evening, for dinner, we ate at a small restaurant, specializing in yummy tacos and great atmosphere.  It was a very small spot, and our party of four adults and four kids under the age of four, took up most of the floorspace.  As we were waiting for our food, a guitar and mandolin duo sat down next to our table, and prepared to play.  Christian, who had started to riot on account of his hot dog not arriving yet, was immediately intrigued.  He pointed at them and said “Momma there’s a guitar.” 

As they began to play, fun upbeat tunes along the lines of “Proud Mary” and the like, Christian clapped his hands and danced in his chair.  He was distracted from the music, only by his hot dog arriving.  After engulfing his dinner, he suddenly noticed something across the room.  This restaurant had a lot of paraphernalia hanging on the walls.  Photographs, license plates, and a couple of embellished acoustic guitars.  One of the guitars had gotten Christian’s attention, and he began to demand that we take it down.  “I wanna play that guitar!” he shouted. 

I had a hard time convincing him we couldn’t play that particular guitar, but he finally relented when I said we could play the guitar back at the house, later.  I love that my son loves music, and I love that he appreciates live music.  I especially love that he wanted to join in their set.  They would have been lucky to have such a beautiful second guitarist. 

Snow Day

Well my kids plotted another night of no sleep for mom last night.  I was up occasionally throughout the night, and then up for good around 5am.  Christian would not fall back asleep, and I was rapidly running out of ideas.  Finally, after he begged me to let him sleep with his sister, we both crawled in bed with her.  Of course, this plan did not work, and I ended up with two children awake instead of just one. 

Luckily, Tessie woke up happy, and tried sweetly to soothe her little brother.  After giving up on trying to get them back to sleep, I turned all three of us around on the bed so they could see the TV, and put on some cartoons.  They both were instantly happy, but I was still holding a grudge about not getting to go back to sleep.  When I woke up at five I had glanced out the window, hoping to see the snow we promised Tes.  Nothing.  It added to my sour mood.  Now at 6:30, I again looked outside, this time to see the ground covered in a white blanket, and it was still snowing.

My mood was instantly better, and I jumped out of bed to yank the curtains back.  “Look guys, snow!” I proclaimed as the kids turned their heads towards the window and then broke out in smiles.  I was no longer mad about being up early, instead I was all of a sudden in a great mood.  I made a pot of coffee, and happily watched cartoons with the kids.  We talked about what we could do in the snow, and how excited we were to go outside.  My whole morning was turned around thanks to the fresh layer of powdery snow, and that was a beautiful thing. 

Story Time With Tes

Today we left on a mini vacation to Pagosa Springs for the weekend.  The kids have been very excited about the trip, and started talking about it from the moment they woke up this morning.  However, as was expected, packing and loading the car took way longer than we planned, and Christian’s patience started to wear thin.  I kept assuring him that we were almost ready to leave, and continued to try and distract him with toys and his sister. 

It was drawing dangerously close to nap time, and we were almost ready to go, but not quite.  Christian had been playing with Tes in her room, but was now laying back and just yelling, at no one in particular.  I picked him up and asked him what he wanted.  He replied that he wanted to go in the living room, so I carried him out and set him on the couch.  Grabbing at one last straw, I asked Tessie if she would read him a book.  By some miracle, she climbed up on the couch and started to read to him.  He leaned his head closer to hers, and gave her his full attention.  Tes talked in detail about each page, and held the pictures up for Christian to see.  I was able to finish loading the car, and then just stood and gazed in awe at my children.  My poor son had been waiting for us all morning, and all he wanted was attention.  His sister gave him just what he wanted, and it was beautiful to watch. 

What Little Sneaks

I had a rough day with the kids.  Most of the day anyway.  As I predicted, Christian was up at 4:45 this morning after his super early bedtime last night.  I tried everything in my bag of tricks to get him to fall back asleep, even crawling in bed with him, but it all proved fruitless.  Finally around 5:30, I put an episode of "Dora" on my phone and let him watch while I tried to snooze.  No luck.  After one episode Christian was done with being in bed.  We moved our operation to the living room, where I could do nothing right, and Christian just yelled at me.  I was on the verge of a breakdown, when Nick came to the rescue.  He took over parent duty, and sent me back to bed.

I slept for almost two hours, which was amazing, and came back downstairs to find the rest of my family in great moods.  Unfortunately for me, the great moods left when Nick left for work.  The kids, especially my boy, pushed me on every issue, all day.  When I got them down for naps, I breathed a deep sigh of relief.

Both kids woke up complaining, and I braced myself for a tough afternoon.  But then something amazing happened.  As soon as I set both of them on the couch, they were happy.  They snuggled under a blanket together, and agreed on a movie, with no complaining on either end.  I made them hot cocoa and popcorn, and they smiled, said thank you, and basically made me fall back in love with them and forget all about the torture they dished out earlier.  What little sneaks.  Even though I'm a seasoned veteran in the trenches of parenthood, a moment like this can still take me completely by surprise.  It's a beautiful trap, and one I'm happy to fall for, every time.

All Tuckered Out

I had a very cranky boy on my hands tonight.  From the moment we got home from school, he was not happy.  I can pretty much guarantee that this was because he did not get an afternoon nap.  Christian has been very slowly transitioning to one afternoon nap a day, but about half of the time, he still needs that morning nap.  This is especially true after he has a therapy session.  It really wipes him out.  So on therapy days, or after an active morning, he takes a morning and afternoon nap.  Well today he only got the morning nap, and by 5:30 he was done. 

We finally got a little piece when I served him dinner, but after a few minutes he started crying and rubbing his eyes.  “I’m tired momma.  I wanna go lie down.” he said, barely intelligible through sobs.  I pulled him out of his high chair, wiped him up, and carried him to his room.  He wouldn’t stop crying as I got him undressed.  Nick came in to help, and tickled Christian’s bare tummy with his beard as I pulled on his jammies.  Christian somehow managed to giggle and cry at the same time, something his dad and I found endearing and heartbreaking, all at once.  Nick asked if I was going to put him to bed, and I shrugged.  I was just past six o’clock, at least a couple hours away from his usual bedtime.  I thought I might be able to stall him a little while with a snuggle in the rocking chair, but when I mentioned the idea to Christian, his wails got louder.  It's funny how, depending on the reason behind the tears, some tantrums can be endearing, rather than like slow torture, which is how they usually feel.  All through Christian's miserable cries, I just thought how sweet he was.  Even Nick had a sympathetic face on.  So we laid him down in bed, and I crawled in next to him.

I got him all tucked in, with all his “guys” and picked a book to read.  Nick came and lay down on the other side of Christian, who was now quiet, and listened to the book with us.  Christian could barely keep his eyes open, but he stayed awake for two more books.  After I finished the third book, Tes came in and said goodnight, and I kissed my sleepy boy on the forehead, turned out the light, and closed his door.  It was 6:45.  Oh well, all we could do was cross our fingers that he would sleep past 4am.  My poor little tuckered out guy was finally happy, snuggled up with his guys, and probably dreaming about The Incredibles.  And for whatever reason, I found that I thought the last thirty minutes, which had been mostly filled with crying, were some of the most beautiful of the day.

Christian and his guys.

Found It!

For about a week now, we have been looking for Nick's passport.  It is expired, but would facilitate a much faster process to a new passport than starting over from scratch.  Nick is going on a trip in February and so we are getting down to the wire.  We have looked everywhere.  The main problem has been that when we moved last year, things ended up being thrown into boxes, not labeled, and stacked on our garage.  Those boxes are still stacked in the garage, an we had no idea which box it was in.  We both had already torn apart the garage, and every likely place in the house, several times.

Today was my last search before we gave in, and paid the fees to expedite the process to start the passport application from the beginning.  The garage was a mess when I walked in, and by the the I was ten minutes into my search, it looked like a tornado had hit it.  I had just finished going through every single photo in two different boxes of old pictures, and was about to give up.  I spotted a small box full of random junk, and thought maybe I should check there, just in case.  And there, under some old bills, a few toy trains, and a light bulb, was the passport.  I called Nick at work, and triumphantly told him my news.  You would have thought I just discovered oil in the backyard, we were both so happy.  Sometimes it's the smallest triumphs, that seem the most beautiful.

Where Milk Comes From

My daughter has an insatiable thirst for knowledge.  I consider this to be the single greatest thing about her.  When she decides something is interesting, she will find out as much as she possibly can about it.  She never accepts simple answers, and is always pressing for more information.  Today, there were two objects of that scrutiny.  The first was cows, and where milk comes from, in particular.  The second was the solar system.  Yup.  Cows and space.

This morning, as Tessie was drinking her milk, she looked at me in the kind of way that told me she had been thinking very hard about something.  However, I was not prepared for what she said.  “Mom, do you know what comes out of cows butts?  Milk.”  She was so sure about it, I tried very hard not to laugh as I said that, no, in fact milk did not come out of cows butts.  So this started a full on lesson on cows, and milk production.  I explained that girl cows have something called udders that stored milk for their babies.  I asked if she remembered how I used to feed her brother milk, and said that cows did the same thing for their babies.  She of course needed more information, so we found some photographs of cows online, and I showed her the udders and teats, explaining how people could pull on them and milk would come out.  I then pointed to her glass of milk, and said “And that’s where your milk comes from.”  She looked very doubtful, but didn’t question me any further.

Later that day she asked me if she could look at pictures of planets on the computer.  I don’t know where the planet interest came from, but we found pictures and videos online.  She even watched a documentary on the solar system during quiet time.  After asking me what different planets were made of, she finally seemed satisfied. 

During dinner I thought we could show off some of her new knowledge.  So I told Nick that Tes had learned a lot about cows today.  I turned to Tessie and asked her to tell her dad where milk came from.  She looked at him, and with a very proud look on her face announced “Boobies!”  Well it wasn’t really the answer I was looking for, but I guess she was technically correct.  Knowledge is a beautiful thing. 

A Beautiful Bedtime

Tonight I am very tired.  We had a late night, a long day, and a big dinner.  But I must say, it was a great day.  The kids were awesome.  Poor Nick got a migraine that knocked him out for most of the day, and I was worried about keeping the kids out of his hair.  But they were remarkably understanding, and even whispered when they were around him.  We played outside for a long time, then went to a movie.  After the movie we came home and had pizza, while the kids told their dad about the movie. 

By the time they finished dinner, it was getting really late, not even accounting for the fact that, because of daylight savings, it was actually an hour past bedtime.  However, they were covered in pizza sauce and needed a bath.  They stayed happy through the bath and putting on pajamas, but by the time we started to brush teeth Christian had had enough.  He looked right at me and said “I’m tired momma.”  I asked if he wanted to read books, and he said no, he wanted to go to bed.  So I laid him down, and he was out, just like that. 

After getting Tes to bed, we were getting ready to watch a movie, and I realized I had forgotten to give Christian his antibiotics.  He has an ear infection, and I really didn’t want to miss a dose.  So I grudgingly went back into his room, syringe of medicine in hand, and braced myself for the screaming that was about to ensue.  I turned on the light and looked at my son, so sweet and peaceful in bed.  I knelt down next to him, raised his face towards me, and started to squirt a little medicine into his mouth.  I was expecting him to wake up immediately, but instead he swallowed without even batting an eye.  He drank the whole dose, and stayed asleep.  I turned out the light and tiptoed out of the room.  I couldn’t believe how easy it was.  On a night when I am ready to fall asleep before even getting in bed, a super easy bedtime routine is more than appreciated, it’s beautiful.

The Sadness Creeps Out

I have gotten pretty good at putting a good spin on things, at looking on the bright side. I constantly try to focus on the progress Christian makes, and try very hard to stay away from thinking about what he can't do. But every once in a while, the sadness creeps out of the shadows, and I fall apart.

Today it came on me, unexpected, while I was at a friends house. I had a good morning with the kids. We had run some errands in town and Christian fell asleep on the way home. After a short nap, he woke up happy, and we walked next door to see some friends.

When we walked into her house the first thing I noticed was that it was clean, really clean. This was the start of my break down. You may not understand why the sight of a clean house would upset me, let me explain. I count on my girlfriends, especially my girlfriends who also have two children, to help me feel better by also having messy houses. It is an unspoken rule. If their houses are clean then I feel like I am doing something wrong. Silly, but it's the truth. The second offense was that her kids were happy, all by themselves. They were watching a movie, got up when they wanted something, and went back to the movie. Christian chose that moment to start freaking out. He didn't want to stay in one place for more than a moment, and since I am his means of locomotion, this meant I was carrying him from room to room, without end.

I finally ended up putting him in time-out on my girlfriend's bed. I was getting frustrated, and I will admit, a little sad, and I was the one who really needed the time out. When he was in time out my friend tried to make me feel better, but I was tearing up. All my frustrations with what my son was limited by, and what that meant for me were crashing together. I fell apart.

I pulled myself together and we wet home. I put Christian down for a nap, and thankfully, he went down easily. I told Tes it was time for a nap and she asked me to carry her upstairs. I picked her up and she wrapped her arms around me. By the time we got upstairs she was squeezing me so tight I was on the verge of tears. We stood in my room, holding each other, for the longest time. Finally I put her down, and went downstairs. But I felt renewed. Even though she had no idea why I was feeling down, my daughter was able to cheer me up, just by loving me. And that is the most beautiful gift I could have received at that moment.

My Little Mermaid

Once a week, Christian has therapy at the community pool.  For an hour he swims and stretches with his therapist in the wonderfully warm therapy pool.  Tessie usually sits on the steps and plays with the basket of pool toys.  Occasionally she will venture out into the pool, in my arms.  She has recently been a little more adventurous and has been circling the edge of the pool, while holding onto the rail.  I haven’t pushed her to do more than that, I do want her to love the water and feel as at home in it as I do, but I knew she would find that love in her own time.  Today it happened. 

When we arrived at the pool, Christian’s therapist asked if we wanted to start out in the big pool.  Christian loves the big pool, he refers to it as “the cold pool,” and is always asking to go in.  Tessie was hesitant, but when I said I would hold onto her the whole time, she agreed to get in.  As I was getting Christian into his swim trunks, Tessie found an idle pool noodle and carried it over to the pool.  I got in the pool and she climbed in after me.  Much to my surprise she held onto the noodle instead of me.  So I looped it under her arms, and pulling the noodle, I dragged her around the pool while she kicked enthusiastically.  We were having a great time with this arrangement when Tes suddenly said “Let go of me mommy.”  So I did. 

For the next hour and a half, Tessie swam all on her own with the noodle.  She kicked her way back and forth across the pool, laughing with glee.  Occasionally her face would dip under the water, and she would come up coughing, but she never asked me to hold her.  I was in awe, and so proud.  She kept calling out “Look at me, I’m doing it!  I’m such a big girl now!”  It was amazing. 

Recently Tes has really come out of her shell when it comes to being active.  She used to be so cautious about everything, but lately she is jumping into adventure after adventure.  Watching her swim around the pool made me a little homesick for Hawaii, but also excited about what our next trip out there will be like.  I can’t wait to see her splashing around in the ocean, my little mermaid.  I stayed in the big pool with her until her lips were blue and I was freezing, then after a brief hiatus in the therapy pool, she convinced me to get back in the big pool with her.  I didn’t mind at all, seeing her kick herself around, and loving it so much, was beautiful. 

The Grocery Store Date

This afternoon I timed my trip to the grocery store with Nick's trip to the dump, so he could drop off the truck we borrowed, and I could pick him up.  On the way into town, Tes fell asleep in the car, and stayed asleep while Nick climbed into the car, and we pulled into the grocery store parking lot.  So I left my husband and daughter in the car, and at the request of my son, I took him into the store with me.

I have been shopping with Christian alone on quick trips, but this was a full on "empty fridge" trip.  We were in for the long haul.  From the start, Christian was having a great time.  He laughed and joked with me.  He pointed out different foods he thought we needed.  He smiled and flirted with the people we passed.  We raced down the aisles, filled our cart, and had an absolutely wonderful time.  I had so much fun with him, I forgot that shopping is usually a chore.

The last item on our list was to pick up a few prescriptions.  As we were waiting for our turn at the counter, I started to sing the Winnie the Pooh song to Christian, and he joined me, singing quite clearly.  Just as he sang "enchanted neighborhood..." I heard someone say "awwww..." behind me.  I turned and saw that a very long line had formed behind us and everyone was looking at Christian.  I looked back at him, and saw him the way they all did; a handsome, charming little boy, sitting tall and proud, and soaking up all the attention like sunlight after a storm.  I swelled with pride.

When we pulled the cart up to our parked car, I said hi to Nick through the open window, then glanced back at Christian just in time to see him swiping a banana out of the cart.  I was shocked to see him turned all the way around in the cart, and pulling strong enough on the banana to actually pull it off the bunch.  All I could do was laugh, and peel the banana.  I had a great time at the grocery store today.  I really never thought I would say that.  Especially while shopping with even one of my children.  But Christian and I had a great time, nonetheless.  One might even say, it was beautiful.