One Of Those Days

Today was "one of those days."  It wasn't a bad day, in fact, it was pretty nice.  We stayed home, played, and watched movies.  The kids even went over to the neighbors for about an hour and I got some cleaning done.  Although it was mostly a good day, it was also a challenging one.  Today I found it particularly hard to have a two and a half year old who doesn't move on his own.

Christian was having one of those days too.  He just couldn't make up his mind about anything.  He would ask to watch a movie, then start crying the moment I walked away, and ask to go cook in his play kitchen.  As soon as I got him set up in the kitchen he threw a fit, and some toy food, and demanded to go in the living room.  Once in the living room, he screamed to go back to his bedroom.  You get the picture.  All day.

I tried playing with him, sitting on the floor, standing on the rug, dancing in my arms.  It didn't matter what I tried.  He was determined to find something better to do.  Every time I tried talking to him in a calm voice he yelled back at me.  He even tried to hit me during a fit.  When I said that hitting isn't kind, he yelled "YES IT IS!"  He spent a lot of time cooling down in time out.

I was trying to stay focused on being calm and in controll.  I told myself that every mother with a boy this age is going through the same thing.  But I couldn't help picturing what it would be like if he could get up and go in the other room on his own.  Or if he could sit up by himself when he slumped over on the couch.  Or even if he could crawl to get the toy just out of reach.  Major pity spiral, let me tell you.

When I have a day like this, I am filled with conflicting emotions; anger, sadness, guilt, frustration.  Then I take a deep breath, and tell myself that it probably wouldn't be any easier if Christian was mobile.  In fact, it might be a whole lot harder.  Knowing Christian, I would be fishing him out of the river every day, or every dish in my kitchen would be broken, or all Tessie's dolls would have very peculiar hair cuts.  My son is who he is, and I know we were given to each other for a reason.  What that reason is, I haven't quite figured out yet, but I'm sure there is one.

After their bath this evening, we were in the kids' room putting on pajamas.  Christian was ready first, so I set him on his bed while I helped Tes with a tangled pant leg.  Christian started telling us that he saw a monster in the closet.  I looked over at him, and smiled.  He was sitting up so tall, grinning and spinning quite a tale, with such animation it was impossible not to laugh.  That is my son, smart, funny, and strong willed.  I know that at times his will is what I have the hardest time with, but it is also the reason he is here today, and why he is continuing to progress every day.  Watching him talk about his monster in the closet, I forgot all the anger and frustration from the day, and instead I was filled with a beautiful love for my little man.