Follow Me, Mom

This afternoon I dropped Tessie off at ballet class, then met up with Christian's physical therapist in town. For an hour he walked in his "car" better than I have ever seen him walk. He even turned intentionally on his own. We walked up and down halls, played hide-and-go-seek, and even braved the spring winds outside. The wind proved too strong, and so we spent most of our time back inside. I felt such pride watching Christian cruising around on his own, with very little assistance.

It is hard not to get discouraged at times, his progress is very slow, and sometimes it feels like we have been walking up the wrong side of the escalator. Yesterday I took the kids to a birthday party, and left feeling incredibly sad. The party was for a boy four months older than Christian. The other kids, ranging mostly in age from two to six, were all running around and having a blast, but Christian was sitting with me on a swing, no kids his age anywhere near us. I ache at moments like that, wanting so badly to wave a magic wand and make it all better. I have to fight to keep a smile on my face, and not let Christian know there is a reason to be anything but happy.

Then we have moments like this afternoon in his walker, cruising around and having a blast. If I think of what he was doing a year and a half ago, then it's not so hard to imagine that in a couple of years, going to a birthday party will be a lot different for Christian. He will no longer be sitting in my lap, maybe I will even have lost track of him, and find him playing tag with the other kids.

These fantasies were all dancing across my vision as I watched Christian waking today. I clung to them like a life line, pulling myself out of the sadness I had been drowning in the day before. Christian walked ahead of me, radiating confidence and pride. Just as a wave of that pride rolled over me, he turned his head and called out "Follow me mom." He has never been far enough away from me to lead before. I can only hope that it is a sign of beautiful things to come.