The kids and I spent the last two days visiting my parents. This morning we met up with my paternal grandmother, my only remaining grandparent, for breakfast. We sat the kids on each side of Grammy and let them work their magic. Grammy was, of course, completely enthralled with the kids, even when they were acting up. Over the last few years she has been struggling with her memory, and has pretty extreme short term memory loss. During the course of a conversation she will often repeat the same question several times, and there have been moments when she doesn’t know who my kids are. She is, however, an extremely sharp and brilliant woman. She can recall the smallest details from my father’s childhood, or even mine.
Today she had no problem recalling the kids, and delighted in how big they are getting, and how smart they are. She laughed at the mess they were making, and joked that she didn’t envy me, but followed it up with a sincere compliment about my parenting. After breakfast we went back to Grammy’s to visit for a while before heading home. The kids were on the edge, it was getting close to nap time, but they held it together. Mostly. Christian sat on the carousel horse my grandfather carved. Tessie walked up and down the hall lined with our family photos, singing softly to herself. I watched my grandmother, sitting in the middle of the kid chaos, loving every minute of it.
Grammy and I have always been close. When I was a little girl she was this glamorous, beautiful woman who I would watch apply her make-up like she was a movie star. When I went to collage we had a special lunch every week, and I brought all my friends, and laundry, up to see her and grandpa every weekend. As an adult we have gotten even closer, sharing stories of motherhood and womanhood. She is a wonderful and very important part of my life, and I love her immensely.
I am scared of losing her. We lost my grandfather this year, and it affected me more than I was prepared for. I know that I won’t have her forever, and so every special moment with her seems amplified, heavy with significance. I want her to spend as much time with my kids as possible. The fact that I don’t get down to Albuquerque very often makes that goal hard. Toady was amazing, I know it meant the world to Grammy. I don’t know how many moments I will have left with her, but I will treasure every one. Today I loved watching her be in love with my children, these beings that are a part of her. It was simply, wonderfully, and totally beautiful.
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