The Funk

I am tired.  I feel like I've been tired for months.  All that tired has me in a sort of funk, that I just can't shake.  I've been feeling like a less than perfect mom, wife, and me. All of that seemed to come crashing together today.  I was moving in a sort of fog all morning.  The kids were pushing me on everything and I had absolutely no patience left.  I got them to nap for about an hour and a half and managed to get a little cleaning done.  But then Christian woke up cranky.  Just when I thought I had calmed him down, Tes walked in and said every mom's favorite phrase, "I had an accident." 

I got up to get her undressed and cleaned up, which set Christian off again.  He was in a "I'm not sharing my mom" mood, and there was absolutely nothing to be done to convince him otherwise.  Tes hasn't had an accident at home during nap in ages, so I was really surprised.  But I wasn't too worried since I have a waterproof mattress pad.  Did I fail to mention she was napping in my bed?  I still wanted to strip the bed right away, so I walked upstairs to deal with it.  Christian screamed even louder, and just because it's what they do best, Tessie joined him.  So as their lovely yelling voices serenaded me, I pulled back the sheets to discover that my mattress pad had lost all of its waterproof lining on the side of the bed Tes was sleeping on.  It was almost like she had chosen the exact spot it had worn through, and had her accident right in the middle. 

Now my memory foam pad, and my mattress were wet.  Great.  I ran downstairs to get my pet stain and odor spray, tried to calm the kids down, and ran back upstairs.  After scrubbing the pad and the mattress, I hung the foam pad over the loft railing in my bedroom, stood up, and slammed my head into the slope of the ceiling so hard, I momentarily saw stars.  It was at this moment I decided I was having a pretty awful day, and burst into tears.  I gave myself about five minutes, had a good old pity party, and let myself wallow.  Then I stood up, finished my cleaning job, and went back downstairs. 

Christian and Tessie were playing together in Christian's room. They either sensed I was on the edge, or they really are just good kids underneath it all.  Although we had a good rest of the afternoon, I didn't fully climb out of my funk.  After getting the kids to bed early, Nick asked if I wanted to watch a movie, or just go to bed.  I was relieved when he agreed an early night was perfect.  And so I'm lying in bed typing this, everyone else is asleep, I will soon be as well.  Right now is my time.  My time to reflect on my day, my craziness, my expectations of myself.  I feel better already, and I think a good night's sleep is just what I need, to climb out of the funk, and back into the beautiful.