Today was one of those days in which I had a lot planned, and the time to do it, but at the end of the day I felt like I had accomplished nothing. I had gotten some cleaning and organizing done, but not nearly as much as I had hoped. And I had no idea what had happened to my time. There was, however, a couple hours in the middle of the day that I felt were completely worthwhile. They had nothing to do with my to-do list, and everything to do with my sanity.
I have never been a very athletic person, but there was a time I considered myself to be in pretty good shape, mainly right before I got pregnant with Tessie. I worked really hard, got in the best shape of my life, then got pregnant. I kept up the workout routine during my pregnancy, but in my final trimester I was put on bed rest. When I became pregnant with Christian, I was so afraid of going back on bed rest that I got absolutely no exercise. After my cesarian I continued with the no-exercise circuit and now here I am. Really out of shape. The other factor I am contending with was something very unexpected. You see, on the scale there is not much of a difference. But somehow, in the last four years, I have ended up with a body I am not familiar with.
When I turned thirty I shrugged off other’s complaints about getting older, and thought being scared of this decade was laughable. But now, I am beginning to notice my body decided to start aging without me. I am shaped differently than I was at twenty six, and I won’t pretend I’m not a little freaked out. So now I am trying to do something about it. Today I got on the treadmill, and with no children calling me, or time constraints, I pushed myself until I was sweaty, out of breath, and feeling great. I took a long, I mean long shower, which I never get to do. I washed my hair AND shaved my legs. Amazing. I usually only have enough time to pick one or the other. I felt calm, centered, and more like myself.
Of course I felt crazy again in no time, when I realized what time it was. I hurried to switch the laundry, sweep, and rush off to pick up the kids. I had no dinner plan, and when we got home I went back into juggling kids, dinner, and clean up mode. But under it all I could still feel that sense of calm my little workout afforded me. I hope to repeat my beautiful moment of taking-care-of-me again as soon as I can. And maybe soon I can be proud of the shape I’m in again, even if it’s shaped a little differently.
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