Labels

Our lives are full of labels.  Every time we fill out a form we have to define ourselves with these labels.  Married, single, male, female, white, Hispanic, and so on.  And then there are the labels that further categorize us.  Rich, poor, gay, straight, democrat, republican, bitch, sweetheart, wife, mother.  We hand these labels out constantly, words that we use to sum up a person, based on nothing more than brief interactions.  We use these labels to describe the people around us.  But how can one or two words describe an entire person?  Today Christian was given a label and I had to remind myself that I know the answer to that question.  A label can’t even come close to describing a person.

I took Christian to see a pediatric neurologist in Albuquerque today.  He was impressed with Christian’s vocabulary and cognitive skills, thought he was charming, and diagnosed him with Cerebral Palsy (CP).  This did not come as a surprise, we have basically known Christian would receive this diagnosis for sometime now and it will probably help him receive the services he needs in the long run.  As I was leaving the clinic I asked the doctor if Christian officially had a diagnosis now and the doctor half-laughed and waved his hands over Christian.  “It’s in his chart now, as long as that's OK with you.” he said.  I had to smile at myself, what was I expecting?  A thunder clap?  A voice from above?  Somehow I felt that this diagnosis should carry more weight, feel different.

When Christian was in the NICU and we first learned of his brain injury we were told one of the “worst case scenarios” would be CP.  This sounded terrifying to us, a disability was like a foreign language, and we searched the internet for more information.  This label was the scariest thing we had ever heard and seemed so negative.  Would this mean Christian would never lead a normal life?  We treated this possibility with grief and fear.  We have since developed a much different view.

We now look at Christian as just Christian.  He is not his disability, this is just a small piece of information about him.  He will face many challenges in his life but none of them have to be negative if we don't approach them thus.  And so this new label doesn’t change anything.  And even though I knew that going in, I still found myself grappling  with an internal emotional storm on my way home.  What did this label mean to me?

Driving back home from Albuquerque I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw my son, happy as could be.  He was laughing to himself, singing songs, and quietly playing in his car seat, oblivious to my turmoil in the front seat.  Nothing had changed for Christian.  He hadn’t suddenly become a new person just because he was given a new label.  He wasn’t even aware this label existed.  This was my moment today.  My little reminder that no matter what, I have an amazing son who I love more than words could ever describe.  He is perfect in every way.  And as many labels as he is given in his lifetime there is only one that will come close to summing him up.  Beautiful.