Laying the Foundation

When it comes to parenting Nick and I have always said: If it’s hard it means we are doing something right.  This has been our mantra when kids are screaming their way to time outs, mad because we won’t give in, or crying because we won’t change the movie for the ninetieth time.  And for the most part the hard times seem to be far outweighed by the good times.  Lately, though, I have been struggling. 

I find myself getting frustrated over the same things with the kids.  Over and over.  I hate going to bed after a rough evening with them, most of all with Tessie.  I have such a short fuse with her, and it is my least favorite thing about myself.  It feels like, especially in the last week or two, that she is pushing me on every little thing I ask her.  I am constantly following her around like a broken record, asking her to pick up her toys, throw away her trash, be kind, say thank you...  It’s exhausting.  Every night I lay in bed and wonder, am I doing a good job or am I totally screwing this up?

Last night, after an especially trying evening, I pledged to myself that I would summon patience from the depths of my soul and start fresh.  I wouldn’t get so angry or be short with her over insignificant details.  I told myself that, deep down, I knew I was doing a good job.  Even if she was a nightmare with me she had to be good somewhere.  Right?

This morning I dropped the kids off early with Nick’s mom and went to work at the fly shop until about three.  I had a short talk with Tes before I left about being a big girl, hugged her tight, and whispered in her ear that I loved her so much.  When I picked them up this afternoon both kids were overjoyed to see me, a sentiment I returned wholeheartedly.  Tessie ran into my arms and wrapped me in a tight hug.  I got a good behavior report and she even helped put away her toys before we left.  While I was cooking dinner the good behavior continued and I praised her for being such a big girl.

Just as I was about to feed the kids, the phone rang.  It was my mother in law.  She had forgotten to tell me that while Tessie was with her today she cleared her plate from the table after lunch, threw her snack trash away, and helped with her brother whenever he was upset.  All without being asked.  I started to tear up as I thanked her for the call.  I guess that through all the three year old attitude and pouting, Tessie is actually listening to me.  Right now it might be little things like picking up after herself, but someday I will be telling her big things.  I hope she is listening then too.  All I can do now is lay the foundation, and though it sometimes feels wobbly, I saw that it is there nonetheless.  And that is a beautiful start.