The Brink of Insanity

My day started around 3am, when my son started calling me, ever so pitifully, from his room.  I sluggishly forced myself to get out of bed, and stumble down the stairs.  Every once in a while I’m lucky, when I reach Christian’s door he is already asleep.  This was not the case this morning.

When I crept into Christian’s room he was whimpering, but it quickly turned into a full on wail.  I laid down beside him and soothed him until he quieted down.  “It’s time to go to sleep Baby.” I whispered, kissed him, and snuck out of the room.  I crawled back into bed, almost thirty minutes later, and snuggled back under the covers.  I had just fallen into a deep sleep when the sad little voice made it’s way into my consciousness again. 

We repeated this same scenario several more times until it was around 6am and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.  Instead of being the calming, reassuring, loving presence that mommy is supposed to be, I had moved into mad, grudge holding, I-can’t-believe-you won’t fall asleep mommy.  Even though I was telling myself to calm down, I found that I was speaking through clenched teeth.  Christian had reached an all out frenzy of crying, and I could feel hot tears threatening behind my lids as well.

Just when I thought I had reached my limit, I felt a hand on my shoulder.  I looked up and Nick was standing over me with kind eyes.  “Go back to bed.” he said softly.  I rolled of Christian’s bed without a word and almost ran up the stairs.  I couldn’t even tell if Christian was still crying, as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. 

I woke up slowly to the smell of coffee and the soft voice of my husband.  I haven’t had coffee in bed in so long, I can’t even remember the last time.  The first thing that came out of my mouth was an apology, I’m not really sure what for, but I felt awful for leaving him with a screaming child.  Then I noticed the happy boy sounds drifting up the stairs.  So not only did my husband save me from the brink of insanity, he also got Christian into a great mood, and brought me caffeine.  All I could get out was a quiet “I love you.”

The rest of my morning with Christian was great.  He didn’t seem to hold a grudge that I had wanted to kill him only hours earlier.  It’s moments like these that make me so grateful to have such a supportive partner.  My extra hour of sleep was vital to my existence this morning, and couldn’t have been any more beautiful.