Pulling Me Back

I had one of those dreaded moments that all mother’s fear today; the middle of the store melt down.  It started with a birthday present.  One of Tessie’s friends turned five this week and today was her party.  I had a lovely, homemade gift ready to go, but Tessie vetoed it.  Instead she insisted that we had to get a Tinker Bell dress-up outfit.  Well Tes is very convincing, so this morning we headed to Wal Mart in search of fairy attire.

Luckily for us, Wal Mart’s Halloween section is already fully stocked, and after a very short search, we found a perfect little Tinker Bell dress.  This is where it got ugly. Before we entered the store I made it very clear that we were buying a gift, that Tes wasn’t getting anything on this particular trip, and she agreed.  That was until she saw the actual dress.  Tessie decided she wanted it for herself and would find a different present for her friend.  When I said no the screaming started.  Just picture me walking through Wal Mart, which was nice and crowded, with my screaming and kicking daughter under my arm, trying to hold it together until I got to the car.  Pretty. 

Fast forward twenty minutes, Tessie was still screaming, this time at her dad, and I was a big teary mess.  I really didn’t want to make her miss the party, I was looking forward to seeing my friends as well.  Thankfully she was able to calm down, apologize to me, and help me wrap the present for her friend.  We arrived at the party an hour late.

I think the mom shame must have been plastered across my face because my girlfriends all immediately asked what happened.  So after telling the story several times, admitting that it was a little ridiculous to think I was failing as a mother, and hearing a couple similar stories, I started to feel better. 

I have a very strong willed daughter, and a son who requires so much of my time that I often feel like we are literally attached at the hip.  I admit that there are moments I start to sink into poor-me land.  This is a dangerous place for a mom, and one that should be avoided at all costs.  When I find myself slipping one of the only things that can pull me back is the support of my girlfriends.  Today I was slipping, fast.  It is amazing what the support of a fellow mom can do.  Hearing other war stories, seeing the understanding on their faces, and leaning on a shoulder that has had just as many tears shed on it as my own all help to hold me back from the edge.  This is a hard job, the best job in the world,  but a hard job nonetheless.  I am grateful for my girlfriends, I need them, and today they kept me back from the edge.  What a beautiful save.