Lean On Me

This afternoon I happily agreed to watch our neighbor’s kids for a couple hours.  Four kids by myself?  No problem, I figured.  It was a rainy afternoon and I was picturing cuddling on the couch with all the kids and watching movies, or playing happily with blocks and legos.  As it turns out, it was not as easy as I thought.  Now don’t get the wrong idea, the neighbor boys were great, angels even.  My kids... not so much.

Tessie hadn’t napped and so was extra sensitive, crying at the drop of a hat.  It seemed as though Christian had saved up all his frustration with, well, everything, and was taking it out on me.  Meanwhile, our two perfect guests were happily coloring and watching a movie.  When their dad came to get them he generously offered to take our kids for a while, to give us a break.  Nick and I, very quickly, accepted his offer.  We fully expected to get a call within five minutes that Christian was freaking out, and we had to come get them.  Much to our surprise the phone call was actually to ask if the kids could stay for dinner.  We thanked them, but said we already had dinner all set, and we would do it another time.  Nick went up to get the kids and brought them home in happy moods.  The moods didn’t last. 

We struggled through dinner and up to bath.  After I got both kids in the tub I walked back down the stairs and collapsed against Nick’s side on the couch.  We sat there and listened to Tessie and Christian chatting happily to each other.  It seemed that as long as I wasn’t in the room tonight, the kids were completely happy.  I leaned against my husband, and tears started to fill my eyes.  After a little pep talk from the hubby, I took a deep breath and headed back into the fray. 

Although I love my children more than words can express, they really kick my emotional butt.  I know that as soon as a good moment comes around, I will forget the hard ones.  But man, the hard ones are hard!  Tonight, leaning against my husband, I could feel his support like a physical presence.  I have no idea what I would do without him to lean on, literally.  I know I am lucky to have a partner to remind me I am not a terrible mother, and to occasionally just be that beautiful voice in my ear saying, “I know.”