Halloween

Halloween, the most hyped-up night of all, was finally here.  This morning Tes got dressed in her first costume of the day, and I took the kids to school.  I returned this afternoon to pick them up, second costumes in the car, and we headed to meet Nick for trick-or-treating.  Tessie was beyond excited, which I expected, since it is her “favorite day of all.”  Christian was tired and cranky, and fell asleep in the car.  I wanted him to have fun too, but it was looking like a long shot.  We got to the shop to meet Nick, and Christian was still sleeping.  I facilitated Tessie’s costume change, from Cat to Mermaid.  When she was pink, sparkly, and ready to go, Christian woke up.  I got him into his Mr. Incredible costume, and he stayed stoic the whole time. 

Our first stop was Nick’s dad’s house.  Tessie put on a great show, twirling and posing for photos, and reciting “Trick-or-treat!” like a pro.  Christian was silent.  He didn’t cry or complain, but he didn’t come close to uttering an enthusiastic word.  He kept the straight face at the next stop, Nick’s mom’s house.  By this time it was bordering on comical.  He was wearing his hero mask, clutching his treat bucket, and staring at everyone with the most serious face any super hero has ever worn. 

Christian might not have the same love for Halloween that his sister does, but he didn’t fuss or whine either.  But I think, under that stony exterior, he really was having a good time.  Maybe he was taking his job of Mr. Incredible seriously, we all do need protection after all.  As we were driving through town, and the light was getting lower, Tessie said she was a little afraid of the scary people walking around.  I told her not to worry, we had a super hero in the car.  She looked over at her brother and asked if he would protect her.  He looked back at her, still very serious, and said “Yes Tessie.”  I have to say, that was the most beautiful Halloween moment I have ever had.

A Second Chance Goodnight

This morning when I dropped the kids off at school, Christian had a much smoother-than-normal drop off.  Tessie, on the other hand, had a rough time saying goodbye.  Tessie jumped into preschool wholeheartedly.  I don't think she has ever had a hard time saying goodbye to me.  In fact, I usually have to pull her back from her friends so I can give her a hug.  Today she clung to me and said she wanted to come with me.  She followed me into the hallway and refused to go back into the classroom.  Finally her teacher came out and talked to her as I walked away.  This is the kind of behavior I have come to expect from Christian, but I didn't know how to handle it coming from Tes.  I called about an hour later to check on her and she was fine, she had gone to visit her brother and it cheered her up. In fact, when I picked her up this afternoon, she didn't want to leave.

Tonight I wasn't feeling well and had a hard time finding the patience to deal with Tessie's bedtime distractions.  I finally left her room, feeling a little guilty for being short with her, and almost wanting to go back in and have a redo.  Almost.  So, when she emerged from her room twenty minutes later, tiptoeing towards me, I was happy to see her.  I carried her to the bathroom, where she stayed for a ridiculously long time, then carried her back to bed.  She still tried all her tricks on me, to prolong the inevitable, but I found the patience to speak calmly this time.  I kissed her more times than necessary, and said goodnight.  It was hard to leave her this morning, in such a sad state. Getting an extra chance at a goodnight was a sweet surprise, and a beautiful way to end the night.

The Collage

For the entirety of my teenage years, I was an adept collager.  I even went so far as to collage my entire bedroom door.  My mom eventually modge-podged the whole door.  I expressed my self through this art form, and continue to love it.  Today Tessie made her first collage, and my heart skipped a little, thinking that I may have passed this on to her.

It started when I picked her up from ballet today.  There was a box out front of the studio full of free ballet magazines.  Tessie loves catalogs and magazines, so I snagged one for her.  She gushed over the photos of the beautiful ballerinas, all the way home.  Once back home, she got out her scissors and started to cut out some of the ballerinas.  I asked her if she would like to try making a new kind of art project, and her face lit up with excitment.  I explained that a collage was a piece of art you made by cutting out pictures of things that interested you, and then glueing those pictures onto a piece of paper.  I said we could hang up her collage in her room when she finished it.

Tessie dove in with gusto.  She soon had a great collection of dancers in various poses, as well as the words "dance" and "ballet."  All on her own, she cut out the images she had chosen, arranged them on the piece of card stock I had given her, and glued them all on with a glue stick.  She was so engrossed in her project, it was a delight to watch.  She was very selective and certain when she reached completion.   I loved it.  Tes found the perfect spot in her room to hang it, and she taped it to the wall.  It was all incredibly reminiscent of my childhood, and nothing less than absolutely beautiful.

An Uncomplicated Morning

I have a very simple moment to talk about this evening.  Simple, but wonderful nonetheless.  I was up a lot with Christian this morning, from about 3:30 on.  He wasn't sleeping well, and it took a lot of soothing to get him back down, several times.  He finally gave me a good stretch from about 6:30 until 8, when I awoke to him calling "Mommy, where are you?"

I walked downstairs and was surprised to see the door to the kid's rooms was open.  I was even more surprised to see Tessie's light was on and she was standing at her art table.  I usually have to drag her out of bed in the morning while she tries to convince me it isn't morning yet.  I smiled when she looked up at me and said "Hi Mommy.   I'm just playing."  I nodded and walked into her brother's room.  Christian smiled when he saw me, and said "I'm a silly boy."  Despite my exhaustion, and lack of coffee thus far, I had to laugh.  I laid down beside him, pulled him close for a morning snuggle, and kissed his chubby cheek.  We moved our snuggle-fest out to the living room, and Tessie followed us.  I got the kids their granola bars and milk, and made myself a big cup of coffee.  Then the three of us snuggled on the couch and watched a movie.  Tessie periodically left to get various toys for Christian, and he thanked her sweetly.  I smiled sleepily at them, and cuddled deeper into my corner of the couch.

I had a crazy day yesterday, and went to bed late.  I was expecting to be overtired and ordered around by my kids this morning.  Instead, they were sweet and patient, for the most part, and let me have my coffee and enjoy spending the morning with them.  It was a beautiful, uncomplicated way to start the day.

The Offering

Today was insane.  Start to finish, we were over-booked.  By the afternoon I was exhausted, Christian was in a full melt down, and we were way behind schedule.  We had already watched hot air balloons in the morning, had a big family breakfast at Nick's mom's, had a short physical therapy session for Christian, finished Halloween costumes, and gone to a birthday party.  And we still had several more events on the list.  The next event was a  hay ride, for the kids to trick-or-treat in our neighborhood.

I hurried the kids into their costumes, a mermaid and Mr. Incredible, respectively, and got them out the door.  Although we lasted longer than last year, Tessie called it quits before we finished looping the whole neighborhood, due to straw poking through her mermaid tights.  We got home and decided there was no way we were going to make the next event, the balloon glow in town.  But we did decide to head over to have dinner with some friends.  Tes asked if she could have some candy and I told her to pick out one piece to have after dinner.  She inspected her collection, selected a piece, and then came walking over to me.  When I looked down at her outstretched hand, I saw a miniature snickers bar being offered to me.  "This one is for you Mommy, because you didn't get any candy."  I grabbed her and gave her a huge hug.  After my day of crazed scheduling, most of which went awry, this offering made it all better.  I thanked her and told her what a sweet girl she was, then I snuck the candy back in her basket.  After all, a beautiful kindness like that deserves a little chocolate.  

The Mommy and Tessie Day

It is a plain fact that my son requires more attention from me than my daughter does.  But because of this, she gets very little one-on-one attention from me.  I have been feeling guilty about this for awhile.  Today I had the opportunity to make it up to her, at least for a few hours.  Christian was sent home early from day care recently, so I had a half day to make up.  It was the chance I had been looking for.  Christian went to school for the morning, while Tes and I had a Mommy and Tessie day.  Just the two of us.

Tes was very excited about it.  She told everyone, starting with her dad first thing this morning.  Jumping up and down she shouted “Tessie and Mommy day!”  First we went shopping for Halloween costume supplies.  Tessie has chosen to  be a mermaid, downgraded from a mermaid fairy princess, and I was envisioning a lot of blue and green tulle.  I was immediately informed that she would be a pink and gold mermaid, and that was that.  Alright, I can’t argue with a princess.  She picked out several different fabrics, sparkly of course, and some awesome ribbon.  After shopping I took Tes to go ride her bike, then out to lunch.  As we were finishing our lunch, my club sandwich and her Minnie Mouse pancakes, I said we were going to have to pick up Christian soon.  I asked if she had a fun Mommy and Tessie morning.  “It’s all day Mommy” she said smiling. 

After we got home Christian went down for a nap, and Tessie and I started work on her costume.  We didn’t get very far before I needed to call a friend with a sewing machine for help.  But Tessie didn’t notice that I wasn’t totally competent.  She danced around in the tulle, and told me what a fun day she had.  I really needed this day.  It wasn’t without it’s hard moments, but overall it was wonderful.  I am so glad I was able to give Tessie so much undivided attention today, and I think she was too.  It was a beautiful day.

The Funk

I am tired.  I feel like I've been tired for months.  All that tired has me in a sort of funk, that I just can't shake.  I've been feeling like a less than perfect mom, wife, and me. All of that seemed to come crashing together today.  I was moving in a sort of fog all morning.  The kids were pushing me on everything and I had absolutely no patience left.  I got them to nap for about an hour and a half and managed to get a little cleaning done.  But then Christian woke up cranky.  Just when I thought I had calmed him down, Tes walked in and said every mom's favorite phrase, "I had an accident." 

I got up to get her undressed and cleaned up, which set Christian off again.  He was in a "I'm not sharing my mom" mood, and there was absolutely nothing to be done to convince him otherwise.  Tes hasn't had an accident at home during nap in ages, so I was really surprised.  But I wasn't too worried since I have a waterproof mattress pad.  Did I fail to mention she was napping in my bed?  I still wanted to strip the bed right away, so I walked upstairs to deal with it.  Christian screamed even louder, and just because it's what they do best, Tessie joined him.  So as their lovely yelling voices serenaded me, I pulled back the sheets to discover that my mattress pad had lost all of its waterproof lining on the side of the bed Tes was sleeping on.  It was almost like she had chosen the exact spot it had worn through, and had her accident right in the middle. 

Now my memory foam pad, and my mattress were wet.  Great.  I ran downstairs to get my pet stain and odor spray, tried to calm the kids down, and ran back upstairs.  After scrubbing the pad and the mattress, I hung the foam pad over the loft railing in my bedroom, stood up, and slammed my head into the slope of the ceiling so hard, I momentarily saw stars.  It was at this moment I decided I was having a pretty awful day, and burst into tears.  I gave myself about five minutes, had a good old pity party, and let myself wallow.  Then I stood up, finished my cleaning job, and went back downstairs. 

Christian and Tessie were playing together in Christian's room. They either sensed I was on the edge, or they really are just good kids underneath it all.  Although we had a good rest of the afternoon, I didn't fully climb out of my funk.  After getting the kids to bed early, Nick asked if I wanted to watch a movie, or just go to bed.  I was relieved when he agreed an early night was perfect.  And so I'm lying in bed typing this, everyone else is asleep, I will soon be as well.  Right now is my time.  My time to reflect on my day, my craziness, my expectations of myself.  I feel better already, and I think a good night's sleep is just what I need, to climb out of the funk, and back into the beautiful.

Blessed

At this moment, ten years ago, I was watching the world series with a group of friends.  Among those friends was a young man I had met a few hours earlier.  Little did I know, that man would become my best friend, my husband, and the father of my children.  It didn’t take long for my heart to lead me in the right direction, and eight months later, we were engaged.  A year and a half after that, we were married.  Another four years, and we started a family.  Now here we are, with two children, a beautiful home, a business we built together, and I still think of us as those two young twenty-somethings, just starting our journey.

All day I have been thinking about the adventures we have been on together.  We’ve been to Italy, Argentina, and Hawaii.  We’ve hiked glaciers, camped along wild rivers, and faced down a bear.  But of all the wild adventures, our greatest, by far, has been becoming parents.  Nothing prepared me for the pure miracles that we created. 

Tonight, charged with all the emotion of reminiscing over the last decade, I watched my children playing.  They are amazing.  After bath time we lay on Christian’s bed, singing along to the Disney Pandora station.  Tessie put a tutu on over her pajamas, and was dancing around.  Christian was demonstrating some very exciting half-roll-half-scoot moves.  I was in heaven.  If someone had described this evening to me ten years ago, I wonder if my twenty year-old self could have understood, just how lucky she would become.  I am blessed, and it is beautiful.

It Means a Great Deal

I just spent a whole evening at a friend’s house, during which time I actually got to spend time with my friend.  This is rather new for me.  For the past two years, I have spent every social occasion I can think of with Christian in my arms, or on the floor with him and the other kids.  Recently this has started to change.  The stronger Christian gets, and the more time he spends away from me, the more I realize just how much time we have spent together. 

Tonight I got to drink wine, tell stories, and feel like a grown-up.  Christian didn’t even cry until it was time to leave.  I think he only fell over twice, and both times he went right back to playing, the moment I sat him back up.  At one point the other kids came running into the kitchen, laughing hysterically.  They told us that Christian had put Mr. Incredible in time-out because he was being silly.  And then he told them that he was serious, which they all thought was the funniest thing they had ever heard.  I peeked to see if he was okay, and there he was, in an ocean of pillows, not even leaning back on one for support.  He was sitting tall, with a huge smile on his face, and apparently being the life of the party. 

And so I went back to my stool, and chatted some more.  I will admit that not spending every second with my son isn’t coming entirely naturally.  I find myself just waiting to be interrupted by a call for help, that usually means the end of social time.  But there weren't any calls for help tonight.  I got a real visit, while my kids played happily in the next room.  I forgot that I can have fun on my own, and be more than Christian's means of being upright.  Lately, I have been so focused on how amazing Christian’s new independence is for him, that I hadn’t focused on what it means for me.  And it means a great deal.  The future is looking pretty beautiful, for both of us.

New Moves

One of the best parts of Tes being in ballet class, is seeing the new move she learned each week.  Sadly, I don't know enough about ballet to know if the names of the moves are correct, or if I am even supposed to call them "moves" but they sound good to me.  There are many nights that she has no interest in showing me anything from class, and I hear about it days later.  Today she was so eager to show me that she was trying to do the move in the car.

When we got home she demanded she leave on her leotard and tights to show me.  I cannot, for the life of me, remember the name of the move she showed me, but it was very cute, and she was very proud.  She then showed me several other moves she has learned in class.  I was amazed at how much she has retained, and how interested in it she has become.

The New Move

The best part was after dinner.  I had finally gotten her out of the leotard, I am trying to keep it stain-free, and she was back in a twirly dress.  She wanted to show me the right way to sit like a ballerina.  I smiled in amazement as she talked about posture, and gave me examples of bad posture and good posture.  Her exact words.  My poor mother drilled me on having good posture, and I still slump.  I guess she should have just signed me up for ballet.  After my beautiful lesson tonight, I will try to work harder at sitting like a ballerina. 

Bad Posture

Good Posture

Mr. Incredible

Today was the birthday party of one of Tessie’s very best friends.  It was a costume party and the theme was superheroes.  As soon as I told Christian, he was so excited and shouted “Incredible!”  Christian’s favorite movie is The Incredibles.  It has been since he was about a year old.  He loves all super heroes, but especially Mr. Incredible.  So I told him that, of course, he could be Mr. Incredible.  Tessie was excited, but when I told her she could be a Superhero Princess, she really got into it. 

We arrived a little late to the party, which was being held a local play space, and all the nearby parking spaces were taken.  I promised myself I had to get a handicap parking sticker, and then drove to the next lot.  Normally it wouldn't be the biggest deal, as the lot is really not that far, but when Christian is walking in his car, it’s light years away.  Not letting the distance dampen our spirits, I got the kids out, Christian in his walker, and they put on their superhero masks.  We were ready to rock. 

They were ridiculously adorable.  Christian, with his cape flapping, walking proudly, kept shouting “I’m Incredible!”  And Tes twirled in her princess skirt, her wand held high as she proclaimed “Princess power!”  They were perfect.  The party was a hit, both kids played, had their faces painted, and hit the pinata.  It was definitely hard to leave. 

As fun as the party was, my favorite part may have been walking back to the car.  Tessie was walking ahead with a friend and her mom, while Christian and I followed.  The walk back to the car was slightly downhill and Christian was racing.  We were laughing and shouting “Go Christian!” as he screamed in delight. 

Today’s was the first party that I felt like Christian was an active participant.  Even at his own birthday party, he was held for most of it, and just watched the other kids playing.  This time he walked, participated in all the activities, and showed off his superhero charm.  I was proud and kept tapping different friends on the shoulder to say “Look at Christian sitting so tall!  Did you just see that, he walked across the whole courtyard!  Look at how much fun he is having!”  It was a beautiful afternoon.

The Jack-O-Lantern

Tessie has always loved Halloween.  I think from her very first Halloween she was hooked.  Pumpkins and Jack-O-Lanterns have always been a big part of her fascination.  Last year she got to draw on the pumpkin for the first time, and then I carved a face out next to her scribbles.  Today we went to a neighbor’s house to carve pumpkins, and it was a whole new ball game for Tes.

First she drew out her plan on a piece of paper.  She even drew the stem.  Then she drew it on the pumpkin, with much concentration.  I must say, I think it was the best looking Jack-O-Lantern face I have ever seen.  As I started to cut out the top Tessie got very worried that I was going to cut up her drawing.  I explained that I would only cut on the lines she drew so that the face could be lit up with a candle. 

As I guessed would happen, I found myself scooping out all the pumpkin innards alone.  Tessie had made a few ceremonious scoops, and then she was off to play with her friends.  After I took a break from carving to do some socializing myself, I rekindled Tessie’s interest in the carving process.  She sat with me while I finished tracing her drawing with the knife, and clapped her hands with glee when her Jack-O-Lantern was finally finished. 

Tonight, while the kids were eating dinner, I lit a candle in her creation, and put it up on the counter.  She gazed at it the whole time.  It was so fun to bring her idea to life, and I’m glad she was so active in the design process.  It was a beautiful moment to share with my daughter, but next year she will be doing the scooping.

The Surprise

The plan for the afternoon involved Nick and Tessie having a father-daughter day.  Nick hadn’t decided on any concrete plans by lunch, when he was suddenly struck with inspiration.  He whispered the idea to me, and I agreed it was a winner.  We asked Tessie if she wanted to go to town for a surprise, she and Christian both gave us an enthusiastic yes, and so we all piled in the car.  We wouldn’t tell Tessie what the surprise was, and she spent the whole car ride guessing.  “Are we going to the library?”  No.  “Are we going to the aquarium?”  No.  “Are we going to look at dinosaur skeletons?”  No, not even close.

As we pulled into the parking lot of our Big-Box store, yes I feel guilty, Tessie asked us why we were there.  “This is where the surprise is.” I said smiling.  She giggled a little and smiled back.  The four of us walked into the store and headed for the toy and sports department.  As we approached the bikes Tes said “Wow, look at all those cool bikes!”  Nick and I smiled at each other conspiratorially.  Nick knelt down in front of Tessie and asked if she would like to learn to ride a bike.

As understanding and realization settled in, a giant grin spread across her face.  After that we could hardly keep her focused as she ran from the bikes to the helmets, and back.  She pointed out all the bikes she thought were pretty, and we finally settled on a pretty pink and purple, heart covered Huffy.  A salesman got it down for us and Tes hopped on immediately.  After great deliberation over which helmet was best, we headed home with the new big-girl bike.

Nick dropped Christian and I off at home and took Tessie up the road to a forrest service trail with a big paved parking lot.  He later described the couple hours they spent there.  At first Tessie was having a hard time, she couldn’t turn the pedals all the way, and she was getting very discouraged.  They were about to head home, but Nick convinced her that new things can be hard to do, but she should try again.  Well she did, and she got it.  He said that once she started really riding around the parking lot she turned to him and said “I knew I could do it Daddy!” 

After they got home, and had a short rest, I asked Tes if she would show me how she could ride her bike.  I put on her helmet and she, very proudly, showed me her bike.  After the gravel turned out to be a bust, and the dirt hardly better, I suggested she ride the bike on our brick walkway around the house.  Tessie took off.  She needed a little nudge to get going, but then, man did she go. 

Tessie has been very cautious when it comes to physical activity.  Until recently, her feet barely left the ground when she jumped.  To see her zooming around corners on a bike is amazing.  And the pride she felt in this new accomplishment was radiating from her.  I finally convinced her we had to go back inside so I could start dinner.  She left her helmet on all through dinner, and only took it off so she could “look at it for a while.”  As I was getting the kids some ice cream she asked me how I was feeling.  I smiled and said I was happy, and very proud of her.  When I asked how she was feeling she said “I’m very proud of myself too.”  Beautiful.

Glitter

Tonight we went to our neighbor's house for dinner.  We are very good friends, and our children are all the same age and get along great.  Before dinner the kids were all in the boy's room, playing happily.  We managed to pull them away briefly, but as soon as we excused them they all ran back to the fun area.

After dinner we were talking around the table and realized it was awfully quiet in the boy's room.  As if on cue one of the boy's walked out with his hands raised, both of which were completely covered in glitter.  We all stood up, and terrified of what we would find, we slowly walked into the room.

We were greeted by a red, glittery, world.  They had emptied the entire contents of a large bottle of glitter, and were happily spreading it all over the room, and all over themselves.  No child was more decorated than Christian.   He was, head to toe, completely covered in glitter.  I was speechless, but he looked right at me, with a huge grin on his face, and said "I'm sparkly."

We wiped, washed, and bathed.  All that we accomplished was to spread the sparkles.  People without children might not see the beauty in glitter all over your carpet.  We however, know it could be worse.  And really, I have to admit that my kids look pretty good covered in glitter.  All in all, it was a beautiful miss use of craft supplies.

Picture Day

Today was picture day at the kids’ day care.  It was hard to tell who was most excited this morning, me or Tessie.  Christian could have cared less.  The kids both looked great, and on the way to school, we talked about how they were going to pose.  Well, Tes and I talked, Christian looked at a book.  He was probably rolling his eyes.  Tessie was very excited because her hair, thanks to braids last night, was curly and beautiful, and she was sure her friends were going to love it.  The tragically funny part about all of this, is that it was our second time doing it. 

I was sure yesterday was picture day.  Positive.  I set my alarm early so I would have time to get everything done and make sure the kids looked great.  Tes and I had been talking about it for days.  She had picked out a special dress that twirled, with jewels around the neck.  I fixed her hair up extra fancy, and she loved it.  Christian looked very handsome, his hair was even a little tamer than usual.  We were all set.  When we got to school a friend of mine commented on how nice Tessie looked.  She preened of course, and I said “Well picture day gets a special outfit...”  My friend looked at me strangely and stated that the next day was picture day.  Oh no.  Sure enough, I had the wrong day.  This of course did not phase Christian, but poor Tes was crushed.  I assured her that I would fix her hair the same way and she could wear another pretty outfit the next day. 

So today we got up, and did it all again.  Tes didn’t like her outfit as much at first, but she looked adorable.  Christian looked even better than yesterday, although his hair was at an all time crazy poofiness that no brush was going to fix.  I dropped the kids off and reminded them to listen to the photographer.  Tessie showed me her pose she was planning on using, oh my is she cute, and I went home to paint. 

When I got back this afternoon to pick them up, I got a great report.  Both kids had done wonderfully, and their sibling picture had gone smoothly as well.  They even made it to picture time without getting covered in food.  Tessie told me she had so much fun, and that she helped hold up her brother when they took a picture together.  She chatted on the way home about her class picture, who she stood next to, and how silly it was.  I don’t know why picture day holds so much significance, it’s not like I really need more photographs of my children.  All I know is that I can’t wait for those expensive envelopes to arrive.  And pulling off picture day, twice, was something of a proud, beautiful mom moment, if I do say so myself.

Picture Day Number One

Picture Day Number Two

Ah, the poof.

Boom Boom Song

This afternoon I picked the kids up from school at pretty much the last possible moment.  But instead of punishing me, they greeted me with big smiles and shouts of "Mama!"  We walked out to the car, a happy bunch, and I loaded them in.  As I started to back the car up, I turned and asked Christian how his day was.  He answered me by asking for the "boom boom" song.

The "boom boom" song actually consists of the first two songs off Adele's latest album, "Rolling in the Deep" and "Rumor Has It."  Why do both my children call them the "boom boom" song?  I have never been given a clear reason, but the kids love the songs, so that's all that matters.

It has become a routine that as soon as we get in the car, I put this CD on and sing along.  So that's what we did today.  Christian just smiled and watched me singing in the rear view mirror.  Tessie sang along with me.  She has been starting to learn a lot of the words to both songs, and sings them better and better.  Today she was belting it out.  I turned the music up and we grooved.  Christian just kept smiling.

I love music.  Both of my children love music.  Sharing this with them is something of a dream come true.   But what was really amazing was listening to my little girl sing.  I could hear the love of the music in her voice, and it was truly beautiful.

Volcanoes

My daughter loves volcanoes.  I think I could even say she is obsessed.  Tessie’s favorite movie is a National Geographic volcano documentary, and she sometimes will spend the better part of an hour just looking at pictures of volcanoes online.  When we talk about going to visit Hawaii, where I am from, the thing she is most excited about doing is going to the volcano museum.  The museum.  She is three and a half.  The other day Tes watched a youtube video about making a volcano at home, and I have never seen her eyes get so big. 

Tonight she somehow convinced her brother to watch the volcano documentary with her.  She was talking about volcanoes, where they are, how dangerous they are, and mostly how cool they are.  She started telling Christian that there were a lot of volcanoes around when the dinosaurs, another favorite topic, were alive.  Christian wasn’t even pretending to listen, but that didn’t bother Tessie in the slightest.  She then turned to Nick and asked if all the humans die when the volcano erupts.  Talk about catching us off guard.  Nick did an excellent job explaining that scientists can tell when a volcano will erupt, and they warn people to get out of the way.  He said the only people who stick around are there to study the volcano because that is their job.  Well put Daddy.

That launched Tessie into another narrative about jobs.  She told us that when you grow up, you can be whatever you want.  “Isn’t that cool?” she asked rhetorically.  We nodded.  When I asked what she wanted to be when she grew up Tes took on a very serious, pondering expression.  But it wasn’t long before she said, clear as a bell, “A Volcanologist.”  We hadn’t even finished saying how cool that was when she said, “Or a real live princess.  That would be cool, don’t you think so.” 

We couldn’t hold in the laughter after that.  But it got better.  Tes asked her brother what he wanted to be and listed his options as, a doctor, a prince, a volcanologist, or an alien.  She later added a fairy or a princess to his list.  “Because a boy can be a princess too, right mommy?”  “Of course Tes, a boy can be whatever he wants.”  Already fighting for equal rights for her brother, and aliens everywhere. 

Nick and I can usually hold back our giggles when Tessie is telling us something that she obviously takes very seriously, but tonight there was no stopping us.  She didn’t mind at all.  I think maybe she could tell we weren’t laughing because we thought she was silly, but because we were so unbelievably happy that we have such a beautiful girl in our lives.

No Support Needed

Today was a perfect fall day, it was absolutely breathtaking.  So it came as no surprise to me that, the moment I suggested playing outside, I could hardly detain the kids long enough to get their shoes on.  While we were getting ready we watched a chipmunk taunting our Lucy dog on the back porch.  So, naturally, our first item on the agenda once outside was to look for the chipmunk.  Once that got old, as it turns out chipmunks don't hang out waiting for little kids to catch them, we headed over to Christian's swing.

Christian loves to swing and I usually can't get him out of it once he is in.  Tessie and I both pushed him and he laughed happily the whole time.  After a while he said he wanted to go to Tessie's castle.  The castle is the toddler playstructure we have in the back yard, and Christian loves to go down the slide, stand inside to turn the captain's wheel, and play in the sandbox beside the castle.  The problem is that all of these activities require me holding him up, usually while standing in a very awkward position.  He usually slumps over while trying to use his hands, and I spend tons of effort trying to keep him upright.  And so playtime in the castle ends when I am tired, not when he is ready to leave.  As you can imagine, he doesn't react to that well.  Today, however, we rounded a new corner. 

Christian played in the castle with very little suport from me.  He sat on the slide and slid down alone, while I waited at the bottom to catch him.  He sat inside the castle with his sister, not even getting upset when he fell over into the dirt.  I did have to support him while he stood on top, turning the wheel.  But I was barely holding him.  The greatest moment of all came at the sandbox.  Our sandbox is really a sand table, and Christian usually leans against it awkwardly, while I hold him up.  Today he stood straight and tall, holding on with one hand, while driving a car in the sand with the other.  Within a few moments I realized that he didn't need my support at all.  I let go and backed away.  For the first time ever, I watched my son standing alone.

We had a wonderful rest of the afternoon.  We went exploring, laid in a field, played fetch with Lucy, and talked to the birds.  The kids played hard and we all had a great time.  But it was all completely overshadowed by Christian standing at the sandbox.  Nothing could compare with that, not in a million years.  It was simply beautiful, and I will never forget it.

A Real Live Magic Show!

It’s funny how the idea of a fun Saturday night completely changes when you have children.  Tonight we had a great Saturday night.  We went out to dinner with friends, four kids between us, and then we all went to a magic show.  In Tessie’s words, “A real live magic show, with real magic!”  Just imagine her wide eyed with splayed fingers in the air as she spoke those words.

We met up at an Italian restaurant for dinner before the show.  After getting children sat, diaper bags stashed, and car seats corralled we sat down to a loud, not entirely relaxing, but fun nonetheless, dinner.  When our food finally came, the kids dove into their spaghetti and meatballs, maybe not the neatest option, and settled down long enough for us to eat our own meals.  At one point Christian looked over at me and said "I'm happy."  Awesome.  Then we bundled everyone up and headed to the show.

We went to the same show last year, with the same friends, but none of the kids remembered it.  This year they immediately seemed more interested.  Especially Christian.  Every time the magician asked for a volunteer, Christian threw both arms up in the air, and if enthusiasm alone could make him walk, I think he would have ran onto the stage.  He laughed at the jokes, clapped after the tricks, and smiled the whole time. 

At the intermission it was already bed time so we broke the news to the kids, which was met with expected protests, but we managed to get everyone out into the cold night air.  Tearful goodbyes were said, and we headed home. 

As we were getting the kids ready for bed, we talked about the show and which parts they liked the best.  Then, just as Nick was about to read the kids their bed time books, Tessie the Magnificent put on her very own magic show.  While we tried to suppress our laughter, she picked up toys in Christian’s room and made them “disappear” by counting to three and then throwing them into the hallway.  Then she would run out, retrieve the toy, and produce it over her head, to our applause.  I think there were at least four acts before we had to convince the magician that it really was time for books.  Christian wasn’t as impressed with his sister, but I thought it was the most beautiful routine of the night.

The Makeover

My kids are always cute in the bath tub.  Tonight was no exception.  They were talking, singing, and in their own wonderful world of make-believe.  I had been secretly filming Tessie singing “Part of Your World” for a while and was just dying from the cuteness.  I finally decided I had to wash them before they turned into prunes.  After I was finished with Tes, and had moved on to Christian, Tessie started playing with a foam letter T, the last of a set of bath tub letters that had long since disappeared.  I noticed Tessie was rubbing Christian’s feet with the letter, and I asked what she was doing.  With a very serious look on her face, and without putting his foot down, she said “I’m giving him a handsome makeover.”

I managed to hold in my laughter and asked what, exactly, was a handsome makeover.  Tessie explained, while switching feet, that it was how she turned Christian into a prince.  For when she became a real princess, of course.  Ah.  She proceeded to rub the letter T all over him until she got to his face, when I was told she was putting on his two-year-old makeup.  Oh my goodness. 

Christian was definitely playing the part, he held very still and even looked like he was really enjoying himself.  I suppose he figured Tessie knows best.  When she was finally finished, I asked how she thought he looked.  Handsome, of course.  One of the greatest parts of being a parent is bearing witness to moments like these.  The imagination of my daughter is astounding.  And the fact that Christian is almost always a part of her imaginings is wonderful.  I loved Christian’s makeover.  But then again, I always think he is beautiful, whether or not he is being turned into a prince.

Boys in a Truck

Tessie had a girlfriend over to play today.  The princess dresses, crowns, and wands were out immediately.  At first Christian wanted to be everywhere the girls were, but I was having a hard time keeping up with hauling him around after them.  Just as the kids were finishing lunch, their grandfather, whom they call Babo, arrived.  Tessie and Christian were both happy to see him, but when he asked if they wanted to go see his new truck outside, all three kids replied with an enthusiastic “Yes!”

The girls were impressed enough to give it a quick look-over, then retreated to the house to have their nails painted.  Christian, on the other hand, was spell bound.  He sat on Babo’s lap, with both hands on the wheel, and a huge grin on his face.  In between coats of nail polish, I wandered outside to check on him.  As soon as he saw me he announced he was driving to the mountains, and turned his attention back to the wheel.

Christian was not the only one grinning from ear to ear.  Babo looked like he was having just as much fun as his grandson, on their imaginary trip to the mountains to go fishing and hunting.  Christian was sitting totally unsupported in his Babo’s lap, alternating between “steering” and honking the horn.  I think we will have to get him a truck.  While the girls were in the land of pink nail polish and sparkle tattoos, I watched my son and his grandfather having fun just being boys.  Boys in a truck.  It was a beautiful sight. 

Where's Tessie?

I got my very first "please come pick up your child from school" call today.  Christian had been lethargic all morning, and although he didn't have a fever, his teachers felt he was feeling under the weather.  They know him very well and so I felt sure they were right.

When I arrived to pick Christian up he was snuggled up in a blanket and reading a book with one of his teachers.  He looked like he was feeling really bad.  I reached my arms out to him and he smiled.  "I missed you mama" he said into my neck, as he melted into me.

Once buckled into the car, Christian looked over at Tessie's car seat, perplexed.  "Where's Tessie?" he asked.   I explained that she was still in school and it was going to be just the two of us for the afternoon.  As we pulled away from the school, I noticed that Christian was looking very enthusiastic in the back seat.  His window was rolled down and he was smiling into the wind.

When we got home Christian's mood continued to improve, and I began to suspect he was just playing hookey.   We had a great afternoon of watching movies and playing with toys.  Every time we entered a room, Christian called for his sister, then looked at me expectantly.  When it was finally time to pick her up, he was so excited that he fell over with glee.

I love that my son is so in love with his sister.   So in love, that on the day he finally had his mom all to himself, all he wanted was his sister.  Once they were together they, of course, spent half the time getting on each others nerves.  But there was one moment, while they were in the bath and Tes was explaining that the dinosaurs are extinct.  They were in their own world, one I am not a part of, and one that looked so beautiful, I was almost jealous.

Good Morning Sunshine

I do not like waking up early.  In fact getting up at any hour is usually tough for me.  For some reason, the moment I wake up, my bed becomes more comfortable.  That is even more true if I wake up to an alarm.  I could pull the covers over my head and quote my daughter to say "I want to stay in bed forever!"

This morning I woke up at 6:30 when my alarm went off.   I immediately hit snooze, then rolled over to snuggle deeper into my blankets.  However, that super annoying voice in my head said "You'd better get up if you want to get the kids to school on time!"  I really don't like that voice.

I forced myself out of bed and downstairs.  I blindly stumbled around the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee.  Lucy was whining at the front door so I let her out.   Just as I was about to close the door, my eyes drifted up for a moment and I stopped.

Over the tops of the trees the sky was putting on a show, and it was breathtaking.  Every shade of orange and pink that you could imagine was dancing before me.  I walked outside onto the cold brick in my robe and bare feet, and stood transfixed.  It was silent, peaceful, and perfect.  And let me tell you, it takes a lot for something to get my attention, pre-coffee.

It didn't take long for kids to start waking up, breakfasts had to be made and lunches packed.  As I tried to get everyone out the door while still maintaining my sanity, I closed my eyes and pictured the sunrise I was lucky enough to witness.  I live in a beautiful place, and this morning I was reminded just how lucky I am.

A Fall Kind of Mood

Today fall arrived at our house.  It has been hinting for awhile, but today I really felt it’s presence.  All of a sudden, it seemed, the yard was covered in a golden carpet of leaves, the air was crisp and cool, and the ground crunched beneath my feet as I walked out to the chicken coop this morning.  And like it does every year, the feeling of magic hung in the air.  So, naturally, I felt the need to retrieve my apple corer from the depths of my garage, and fill the house with the smell of apples and cinnamon.

After climbing over boxes, still un-opened from our move, I finally found my apple corer.  The kids were immediately intrigued as I clamped it to the dining table, and set a pile of apples next to it.  Tessie was my big helper and handed me apples.  One by one, I cored, peeled, and sliced, until there was a giant pile of curly apple peels on the table.

I then chopped them all up, added water and cinnamon, and threw the whole mixture in my crock pot.  Within an hour the house smelled amazing.  After another adventure into the garage, I came out carrying the boxes holding the Halloween decorations, and Tes could barely contain her excitement.  As I pulled each pumpkin, spiderweb, or window decal from the box, she clapped her hands with unrestrained glee.   When her trick-or-treat bucket emerged from the box, she lost whatever self control she had left.  She grabbed the bucket and started jumping up and down, chanting “Halloween, Halloween!”  Under Christian’s supervision, Tessie and I then decorated the house with autumn leaf garlands and jack-o-lanterns.

This evening we lit a fire before dinner, mostly because I was in such a fall kind of mood, and ate chicken casserole by the fire’s glow.  The smell of apples and cinnamon continued to fill our home.  Even though the kids were driving me a little insane, I was in heaven.  It’s beautiful what a little autumn can do for the soul.

A Visit With Grammy

The kids and I spent the last two days visiting my parents.  This morning we met up with my paternal grandmother, my only remaining grandparent, for breakfast.  We sat the kids on each side of Grammy and let them work their magic.  Grammy was, of course, completely enthralled with the kids, even when they were acting up.  Over the last few years she has been struggling with her memory, and has pretty extreme short term memory loss.  During the course of a conversation she will often repeat the same question several times, and there have been moments when she doesn’t know who my kids are.  She is, however, an extremely sharp and brilliant woman.  She can recall the smallest details from my father’s childhood, or even mine. 

Today she had no problem recalling the kids, and delighted in how big they are getting, and how smart they are.  She laughed at the mess they were making, and joked that she didn’t envy me, but followed it up with a sincere compliment about my parenting.  After breakfast we went back to Grammy’s to visit for a while before heading home.  The kids were on the edge, it was getting close to nap time, but they held it together.  Mostly.    Christian sat on the carousel horse my grandfather carved.  Tessie walked up and down the hall lined with our family photos, singing softly to herself.  I watched my grandmother, sitting in the middle of the kid chaos, loving every minute of it. 

Grammy and I have always been close.  When I was a little girl she was this glamorous, beautiful woman who I would watch apply her make-up like she was a movie star.  When I went to collage we had a special lunch every week, and I brought all my friends, and laundry, up to see her and grandpa every weekend.  As an adult we have gotten even closer, sharing stories of motherhood and womanhood.  She is a wonderful and very important part of my life, and I love her immensely.

I am scared of losing her.  We lost my grandfather this year, and it affected me more than I was prepared for.  I know that I won’t have her forever, and so every special moment with her seems amplified, heavy with significance.  I want her to spend as much time with my kids as possible.  The fact that I don’t get down to Albuquerque very often makes that goal hard.  Toady was amazing, I know it meant the world to Grammy.  I don’t know how many moments I will have left with her, but I will treasure every one.  Today I loved watching her be in love with my children, these beings that are a part of her.  It was simply, wonderfully, and totally beautiful.

For Love of Cookies

Today the kids and I drove down for a quick, one night visit, to see my parents.  As a treat for the kids, I picked up a small package of cookies for the road.  Tessie ate her's right away, but christian just held onto his, happy just to have them. After about twenty minutes of driving, Christian nodded off and Tessie followed about fifteen minutes later.

As I was singing quietly along with the radio, and taking in all of the beautiful fall colors we were driving by, I glanced in my rearview mirror.  Christian was asleep with a cookie in each hand, and his milk clutched close against his side.  He looked like he may have been about to take a bite when he fell asleep, his arm was floating in mid air.

I had to stifle a laugh, it was ridiculously cute.   As we approached my parent's house Christian started to stir.  I greeted him with a smile and asked how his nap was.  He eyed me suspiciously, then made sure he was still holding both his cookies.  He never ate them.   When we arrived the cookies were both still in firm grips, I had to push them out of his car seat straps without removing them from his hands.

Finally, after we had been there for a while, I noticed the cookies weren't in Christian's hands anymore.   He had moved on to trucks and Mr. Incredible.   I have never seen him be so funny about food like that.   He is definitely not one to normally pass up a cookie.  But however strange and seemingly out of character, it was so cute, totally endearing, and a very beautiful little moment.

A Sibling Moment

Today I had a badly needed clean-house day.  The only hitch was that my children were home with me.  But something really amazing happened.  Tessie and Christian played together, really well, all morning.  Tessie was building houses in her room with blocks, I was attempting to start cleaning the kitchen but Christian was not happy in his spot on the couch.  I tried changing movies, bringing toys, nothing helped.  Then I asked if he wanted to play with Tessie in her room.  The answer was a very enthusiastic YES! 

Christian immediately wanted to play in Tessie’s tent, so I laid him inside and asked Tes if she wanted to join him.  She crawled in next to her brother and they began to talk about toys.  I snuck out of the room, hoping to get a few minutes of cleaning in before my son started calling me back.  I was pleasantly surprised. 

After about ten minutes, I stuck my head in Tessie’s room to see what was going on.  The kids were still both in the tent, just their feet were sticking out through the tightly closed flaps.  Tessie had secured the velcro on the tent door so they were enclosed inside.  I stood quietly in the doorway and listened to them whisper silly things back and forth, most of which I couldn't make out.  Every once in a while I would hear one of them giggle.  I finally snuck close enough to pear through the tent flaps.  They had their heads close together, bathed in a pink glow from the tent sides, and looked completely happy.

Tessie and Christian played together for well over an hour, while I scrubbed, folded, and washed.  There were very few complaints, cries, or whines, and I heard plenty of giggles, laughter, and happy exchanges.  I consider myself very lucky to have children who not only get along, but play very well together.  Witnessing  them have their private sibling moment in the tent today was extremely special and, above all, one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.

The Gift

Today my daughter had me in a state of awe, the entire day.  Everything she did today seemed to be especially amazing, and made her even more beautiful.  All of a sudden she seemed to be such a big girl, no trace of baby at all, and even though I would have sworn it wasn’t possible, I am more in love with her now than ever before.

All morning long, Nick and I continuously made eye contact across the room, silently saying “Did you just see that?”  Everything she said or did hinted at the young woman she would become.  I could almost see this other version of herself, shadowed across her young features.  We were caught up in a wave of nostalgia for the baby we brought in to the world, juxtaposed with amazement for this vibrant little girl we somehow managed to create, and the incredible woman we knew was coming. 

At one point Tes was at the coffee table playing games on my lap top.  We couldn’t help but reminisce about when she barely peaked over the top of the table, standing on wobbly legs.  Tessie asked if she could take pictures on the computer and I turned on Photo Booth, the camera app on the lap top.  It takes pictures by counting down from three.  Of course Tessie was well aware of that, as well as all the different effects available.  I, however, was caught completely off guard when she hit the camera button then struck a pose, and held it, until the shutter sounded.  She took picture after picture, all ridiculously adorable.  I loved every second of it.

As I was showing the photo shoot to Nick, we started to look back into older pictures of Tes.  I cuddled up next to him on the couch, and Tes claimed his other side.  We looked at pictures and videos of our daughter, from about eighteen months to two years, laughing out loud at her silliness and love of the limelight.  Not a thing has changed.  I suspect it never will.  She loved all the pictures, and of course had to go back and show us all her favorites. 

We had a wonderful evening, full of sweet moments.  I found myself staring at her on several occasions, in awe of how beautiful and amazing she is.  The day was free of our common stand-offs and instead we had extra snuggles, kisses, and giggles.  As I was tucking her into bed I found myself telling her an extra-long story, instead of hurrying to turn out the light.  I kissed her goodnight and let my lips linger on her forehead.  How quickly will these moments disappear?  I hate to even think of it.  I whispered goodnight and closed her door quietly behind me, grateful for the gift she gave me of this beautiful day.

The Photo Shoot

Some Things Never Change

My beautiful moment today was a very small one, in terms of time. But it made me so nostalgic for my own childhood, that I was forced to take notice.

After dinner the kids were watching a movie with their dad and I was trying to corral them for bath time. I finally got Christian undressed and we started our slow trek up the stairs. Tessie was talking to Nick on the couch as I called for her to follow us. That was when I heard the shriek.

It's funny how a parent knows immediately if a shriek is happy or sad. I knew before I turned to look that Tessie would be smiling ear to ear. Nick was tickling her and she was sprawled across his lap, barely breathing through her laughter. It was infectious and we both laughed with her. And then suddenly, as I expected it to, the laughter hit a historical high, then instantly turned to tears.

I'm sure everyone can remember being tickled till they cried. I definitely can. That moment when fun becomes too much fun, was just tragic and yet the victim of this tragedy never gets much sympathy. And tonight, as Nick asked Tes if she was ok and she wailed in reply, Nick and I smiled at each other. We both remembered being in her shoes.

So Nick gave her a snuggle, and I carried her up the stairs to the bath. The whole time all I could think was how beautiful it is that some things never change, and probably never will.

Taking Care of Me

Today was one of those days in which I had a lot planned, and the time to do it, but at the end of the day I felt like I had accomplished nothing.  I had gotten some cleaning and organizing done, but not nearly as much as I had hoped.  And I had no idea what had happened to my time.  There was, however, a couple hours in the middle of the day that I felt were completely worthwhile.  They had nothing to do with my to-do list, and everything to do with my sanity.

I have never been a very athletic person, but there was a time I considered myself to be in pretty good shape, mainly right before I got pregnant with Tessie.  I worked really hard, got in the best shape of my life, then got pregnant.  I kept up the workout routine during my pregnancy, but in my final trimester I was put on bed rest.  When I became pregnant with Christian, I was so afraid of going back on bed rest that I got absolutely no exercise.  After my cesarian I continued with the no-exercise circuit and now here I am.  Really out of shape.  The other factor I am contending with was something very unexpected.  You see, on the scale there is not much of a difference.  But somehow, in the last four years, I have ended up with a body I am not familiar with.

When I turned thirty I shrugged off other’s complaints about getting older, and thought being scared of this decade was laughable.  But now, I am beginning to notice my body decided to start aging without me.  I am shaped differently than I was at twenty six, and I won’t pretend I’m not a little freaked out.  So now I am trying to do something about it.  Today I got on the treadmill, and with no children calling me, or time constraints, I pushed myself until I was sweaty, out of breath, and feeling great.  I took a long, I mean long shower, which I never get to do.  I washed my hair AND shaved my legs.  Amazing.  I usually only have enough time to pick one or the other.  I felt calm, centered, and more like myself.

Of course I felt crazy again in no time, when I realized what time it was.  I hurried to switch the laundry, sweep, and rush off to pick up the kids.  I had no dinner plan, and when we got home I went back into juggling kids, dinner, and clean up mode.  But under it all I could still feel that sense of calm  my little workout afforded me.  I hope to repeat my beautiful moment of taking-care-of-me again as soon as I can.  And maybe soon I can be proud of the shape I’m in again, even if it’s shaped a little differently. 

Little Miracle

Today I went on a quick trip to the grocery store while Tessie was at her ballet class.  I took Christian with me and halfway down the first aisle, I found myself getting a little emotional.   I should explain.

Grocery shopping with my children is usually unpleasant at best.   I'm sure most parents have been in similar situations; children screaming while you unload the cart, a toddler wanting to run up and down every aisle, and people staring at you like you are torturing your children, instead of the other way around.

I have rearranged my schedule so that shopping only involves the kids under extreme circumstances. Store tantrums, however, have only been part of the motivation for this.  As soon as Christian outgrew his infant car seat, shopping became a little bit more of a challenge.  An infant car seat can come right out of the car, and be placed in a shopping cart, making it a piece of cake to take the baby in the store.  Most often, when a child outgrows this seat, they are able to sit in the shopping cart and so there isn't an issue in the store.  Well this was not the case with Christian.  He was miles away from sitting in the shopping cart when he outgrew the handy traveling car seat.

I got creative.  I would stick Tessie in the shopping cart, put Christian in a sling or baby pack, and try to shop as quickly as possible.  Unloading the cart this way was no fun, since Christian wasn't so tiny at this point, and it usually took me twice as long.  I started looking around for a shopping cart cover with some major strap support.  Most carts, or cart covers, have one small strap that goes accross a child's waist and doesn't serve much of a purpose other than keeping the child from climbing out of the cart.  Well I was not worried about Christian climbing anywhere.  I finally found a cover with soulder straps, and if I ran them through the back of the cart's seat, and rolled up towels on either side of him, I could get through most of the store before I had to carry him, or he was completly falling over.

Lately Christian's sitting has been getting so good, that the last few times I took him to the store he sat in the shopping cart with no support.  It wasn't perfect, he still slumped over every few minutes, and I didn't let my hand stray far.  But today a miracle occured.  I took Christian into the store and he sat, unsuported, besides the useless strap, the whole time we were in the store.  I even wandered away from the cart to get something off a shelf, an he kept sitting.  At times he was only holding on with one hand, waving to people in the store.  He sat straight and tall, with pride all over his face, our entire twenty minutes in the store.  My life has just changed.

 It is these little differences in Christian lately, that are making the biggest impacts on our lives.  Being able to take him on quick trips to the grocery store, having him play by himself in his room for ten minutes without needing me to sit him up again, or sitting straight enough in his high chair to be able to try using a spoon to eat with.  These may seem like small things, but they are not.  They are, in fact, little miracles.  Just imagine lugging a, very heavy, toddler around for every small errand, even to walk into another room, and you may feel a little of this miracle.  Christian looked like such a big boy in that cart today, and having my easiest trip to the grocery store with him, well ever, was simply beautiful.