A New Year

Here I am, sipping champagne with friends, kids tucked in, and midnight approaching.  It has been a fabulous close to the year.  I had a very mellow day with my kids.  From the moment we woke up, until the sun set, it snowed without stopping.  We marveled at the snow together, and even watched a group of at least five turkeys, wander through our snowy yard.  All day long, I played with the kids and cleaned the house.  It was hard not to get distracted by the beautiful way the year was coming to a close.

This past year has been interesting, to say the least.  Our family saw many changes, challenges, and joys in the last twelve months.  At the beginning of this year I made the big leap from stay at home mom, to working mom.  This change pushed me to my limits, and eventually lead me to question whether my choices were the best for my family.  I grappled with feelings of guilt as I watched my children handle seeing me less, and be thrust into daycare.  I finally realized that I wasn't giving my son the time he needed, and I wasn’t focusing on his therapy nearly as much as I should.  Halfway through the year, I made the decision to return home, and Christian’s progress skyrocketed.

This year has been full of breakthroughs for Tessie as well.  She was always my cautious daughter, surrounded by adventurous, physical friends, and stood out as the one hesitating to take any chance.  This year she came out of her shell.  She started being more physically confident, especially when she started taking ballet.  This year, I watched my baby turn into a little girl, and it was simultaneously wonderful and heartbreaking. 

Christian has gone from a baby who can’t sit up by himself, to a child on the verge of a breakthrough.  He can now sit and play somewhat independently, walk in his walker forward and backward, and is getting better at rolling.  His frustration has been heightened in some ways, but is also subsiding in other ways.  At the beginning of this year I felt an overwhelming sadness and anger when I thought of the things he was missing out on, and now I feel hope for all the things he will do.

I don't know what will come in this new year.  I can hope for big things to happen,  and happiness to prevail.  I hope my son gets stronger, as does my marriage and my relationship with my children.  I hope I love myself more, and let myself off the hook more for trivial issues. As of this moment, I am happy.  Really happy.  I want this happiness to leak into the new year.  If today was any indication of the year to come, then I have a beautiful year ahead of me.

My hope for the new year.

Sugar Rush

This evening we followed our bedtime routine as usual, lingering a little longer in the bath than usual, but it wasn’t too far past bedtime by the time Nick finished reading books.  Tes got off the couch and I was about to pick up Christian and carry him to bed, when Tessie started jumping up and down like crazy. 

We were mesmerized by Tessie’s energy.  She was running back and forth in the living room, jumping from tile to tile, and dancing her heart out.  Christian was caught up in the fever of the moment, and started jumping and wiggling in Nick’s arms.  I could have sworn that both kids were about to fall asleep, but here they were, bouncing off the walls.

Earlier, Tes announced she had chocolate milk at a friend’s house, so during her pre-bed bonanza, I asked how much she’d had.  “Only three glasses.” she said with a smile.  Nick and I laughed out loud.  Tessie doesn’t have a lot of sugar, for the simple reason that she goes a little bonkers.  Luckily, her sugar rush wore off quickly, and without the dreaded crash and cry.  Finally, we were able to put the kids to bed.  Even though it pushed bed time back a little, her little sugar rush escapade was pretty entertaining, one might even say it was beautiful.

My Gamer

Several years ago, my husband surprised me with a wii game console for my birthday.  I teased him, and joked that he had only bought it for himself.  In spite of my jest, I actually loved playing games with Nick and friends, like bowling and archery.  I pictured future family game nights, and friendly competitions in the years to come. 

For some time after we had kids, the wii was somewhat forgotten, except in its capacity for streaming movies.  But recently, Tessie has become a big fan of the games.  She especially loves the swordplay game, in which she has to speedily chop random items dropped in front of her.  It is somewhat surprising that she has taken so easily to many of the games, cycling and table tennis to name a couple.  Christian likes to play with her, he usually holds an extra remote with no batteries, and mimics her movements.

Tonight Tes was playing the cycling game, and “peddling” away with all her might.  She finished in 7th place out of 30.  Pretty good for a nearly four year old.  It was so much fun to watch her concentrate on the game, that we all got caught up in the race, and cheered as she crossed the finish line.  I never thought I would say this, but watching my little gamer tonight was pretty beautiful.

Over the Rainbow

We have a very specific bedtime routine.  After dinner I give the kids a bath.  Then we put on pajamas, brush teeth, and Nick reads the kids two books.  Sometimes there are negotiations about the number of books, and so the number sometimes changes.  After books are done we tuck the kids into bed.  I usually take over for the final segment of the bedtime routine.  I turn off the lights, turn on the night light, tell them a story, and sing them a song.

Tonight I told them the story of Dorothy of Kansas, and how she ended up in Oz.  It seemed only fitting that I follow the story with “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” which also happens to be one of my favorite songs of all time.  Tonight Tessie sang with me.  She sang every word with such feeling, that even Judy Garland would have been proud.  Christian was absolutely silent, just listening to her.  At the end of the song, Tessie sang with just the right amount of passion, making her last note linger.  When we finished, I bent to give her a hug.  I thanked her for singing with me, and she hugged me back as tightly as she could.  “I love you so much, Mommy.” she said into my neck.  What a beautiful way to say goodnight.

The First Haircut

Christian has worked very hard for the hair on his head.  For the longest time, I was worried he would be bald forever.  Finally, his hair has started to thicken, and get longer, and I am not as worried that his scalp will burn if he is in the sun for more than a minute.  Because I have waited so long for him to have any hair at all, the thought never occurred to me that he might need a haircut.  But today, as I was snuggling with him on the couch, I noticed his long lovely curls on the back of his head were actually turning into dread locks.  I decided it was time.

Tessie needed a trim too, so I announced to the kids that they would be getting haircuts before bath.  I have always cut Tessie’s hair myself.  When she had bangs it was a little difficult, but she has always been very good at standing still for me.  Even then, bangs and a cut on a little girl are pretty straight forward.  Cutting a little boy’s hair is a whole other thing, especially a little boy who not only can’t stand, he can barely sit on his own.  Oh, and let’s not forget this particular little boy is a bit of a wiggle worm.  I had quite a job ahead of me. 

Tessie volunteered to go first, so her brother could see what happened during a haircut.  He was very interested, and sat patiently on the floor to watch.  Tes was very good, and while I was cutting, she told her brother that a first haircut can be scary, but he should be brave because it is really fun.  I smiled quietly to myself.  Then it was Christian’s turn.  “I’m getting a haircut!” he said proudly, as I started to comb out the dreads on the back of his head.  I then began the difficult process of balancing him on my lap, combing, and cutting.  In hindsight I think a chair of some kind would have been a smart move, but I am not always known for thinking things through all the way ahead of time. 

After a lot of snipping, measuring, and re-wetting, I was finally finished.  Christian was a trooper the whole time.  Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t hold still for a second, but he had a great time.  As I brushed the hair off his shoulders he looked down.  “What’s that Momma?” he asked, pointing to his locks on the floor.  “That’s your hair, buddy.” I said, and his hand went to his head as he contemplated this new piece of information.  I put him in the tub with his sister, and she immediately gave him a big hug.  “You are such a big boy Bubbi!  I am so proud of you!”  Christian looked pretty proud too, as he turned his head from side to side, showing off his new do.  I think I did pretty good, and although he would look adorable with a paper bag on his head, I think my son’s first haircut turned out quite beautifully. 

Take a Nap Already!

My kids have always been pretty good sleepers, for the most part.  I don’t count Christian’s first five months.  Since then, both night time and nap time have been relatively smooth.  Of course, as every parent knows, the only constant in parenting, is that nothing is constant.  There have been short phases of bad sleep patterns, and the occasional random day, when I have to fight tooth and nail to get the world’s most sleepy children to take a nap.

Guess what kind of day today was?  Both my kids are still recovering from being sick, and so it is more necessary than ever for them to get good naps.  As nap time was approaching I thought it would be a piece of cake.  They were both practically falling asleep sitting up.  I took Christian to his room, tucked him in, and walked out.  Easy.  Tessie has gotten into the habit of napping on my bed while watching a movie.  Not what I thought of as good sleep habits before I had kids, but I basically have thrown all those ideals out ages ago.  I got her upstairs, on the potty, and into bed.  I put the movie on, and watched her eyes droop as I walked out of the room.  Great. 

Maybe three minutes went by before Tes came tip-toeing down the stairs, and announced that she woke up.  I don’t think so.  We marched back upstairs, and repeated our routine.  After another few minutes she started calling me because the movie wasn’t working.  I figured she was bluffing, but sure enough, I couldn’t get it to play.  “I think you have the wrong kind of TV mommy, we better watch it downstairs.”  At this point it didn’t seem like I was going to get a nap out of her, so I said she could watch it downstairs, but she had to lay down on the couch and rest.  Guess who woke up then?

I brought Christian out into the living room and got him cozy on the couch as well, although he was as grumpy as could be.  I looked at my two kids and tried to send them sleepy vibes telepathically.  Tessie must of sensed it because she announced how not tired she was, with a big smile.  I gave in, and sat down.  But just as I was ready to admit defeat, Christian started to fuss and rub his eyes.  I carried him back to bed, and he practically fell asleep before I left the room.  When I got back out to the living room Tessie’s eyes were half lidded, and it wasn’t long before she was snoring away.  Victory! 

For the next hour, I tip-toed around the living room, picking up pieces of wrapping paper, and putting away new toys.  I had to scoot Tes closer to the back of the couch a few times, but she slept hard, and had a great nap.  Christian slept until almost dinner time, and was much better for it.  I like to think that it was all a part of my all knowing Mommy plan, but the truth is that sometimes, you just get lucky.  And that’s a thing of beauty.

Of course it never occurred to me to go lay down in my empty bed, and take a nap myself.  But beggars can’t be choosers. 

Crashed out on the couch.

The Magic of Christmas

You know those people who absolutely love Christmas?  The ones who hang decorations up right away, and listen to Christmas music non-stop for as long as it’s socially acceptable?  They drive you crazy right?  I am totally one of those people.  Christmas is my favorite time of year.  I love the lights, the music, and the baking.  I love big family Christmases, and the magic of Santa Claus.  I smile for about a month straight, and sadly put my decorations in the attic until next year. 

As a child we had wonderful Christmases, tons of family, good food, and wonderful stories.  The focus was never on tons of presents, although that was of course a definite fun part, but instead on being with family and friends.  These are the kinds of Christmases I have wanted for my children, and Nick and I work hard at accomplishing that.  The bonus that my children have, that I never had a shot at in Hawaii, is that they can have a white Christmas.

Today we woke up and marveled at the morning.  It was absolutely perfect.  There was a ton of fresh snow covering the ground and clinging to the trees.  The sun was shining brilliantly, and made everything sparkle.  It was the kind of Christmas morning a kid from Hawaii always dreamed of.  I was in heaven. 

The kids woke up and cheered at the snow, the new presents under the tree, and the mysterious shapes in their stockings.  But what made me most happy, was Tessie immediately noticed that the cookies we left for Santa had been eaten, and the milk was gone too!  Only a few big crumbs remained.  She observed that Santa must have really liked the cookies, but been in too big of a hurry to eat every last bite.  That did it for me.  The magic of Christmas was there, in the wonder on Tessie’s face.  We could have called it good right then, although it sure was fun watching them open their gifts.  It was a beautiful Christmas morning here in our little corner of the world, I hope yours was as well.

Traditions

I love traditions, especially holiday traditions.  Tonight, however, we broke tradition.  For as long as I can remember, my family has always had a huge Christmas Eve dinner.  Nick’s family has always done the big dinner on Christmas night.  So for the last ten years we have blended our family’s traditions.  I usually cook the big Christmas Eve dinner, with the whole family, we open presents at our house in the morning, then have Christmas dinner at Nick’s mom’s house.  It is a lot, but it is always fun.  This year was very different.  My family didn’t make it up, and so we celebrated Christmas Eve very quietly, just the four of us.

I sent Nick to the store for a few last minute items, and asked him to pick whatever he wanted for dinner.  So we had roast beef and lobster tails, not quite keeping with tradition, but delicious.  The kids loved it.  We listened to Christmas music, and Tessie even had egg nog for the first time.  After dinner the kids each opened a present, a tradition from my childhood, and happily pulled out matching Christmas pajamas, one of our new traditions.  They each had a cookie for desert, and we put some out for Santa.  Once they were all ready for bed, the kids snuggled up on the couch with their Daddy, and he read them “The Night Before Christmas.”  Then, thanks to a suggestion from Tessie, we started a new tradition. 

We bundled the kids up, and headed outside to search the skies for Santa.  It was snowing, and beautiful.  We all looked our hardest, but the skies were cloudy.  The kids didn’t mind, and instead of looking for reindeer we all stuck out our tongues to catch snowflakes.  Before our children froze, we carried them back inside and tucked them in.    I cleaned up, wrapped the last of the presents, and filled the stockings.  As I sat looking at our beautiful tree and the colorful packages, I was absolutely content.  Our evening of traditions, old and new, was wonderful, special, and very beautiful.

My Sous Chefs

We have entered the season of the perpetual cold and cough.  And my kids are right in the middle of it.  Tessie is at the tail end of her latest cold, and Christian is just starting.  This morning we noticed Christian was warm and glassy eyed, and by the late afternoon he was falling apart.  It was time for me to prepare dinner, but Christian was really done cuddling with his dad.  I picked him up and he snuggled up against me.  I tried for the life of me to figure out how to fix dinner with him on my hip.

I asked Christian if he wanted to come help me in the kitchen, and he perked up for the first time.  I tried the gutsy move of putting him in his high chair, he didn’t freak out, and so I pushed him into the kitchen.  I got him a cup of goldfish, and started dinner.  To my happy surprise, Christian stayed in a good mood.  We were having such a great time, that Tessie joined us as well.  I continued to cook, and smiled and laughed with my children.  It just reminds me that I should never underestimate my children’s ability to surprise me.  I was expecting a battle to get dinner on the table, and instead I had a beautiful time cooking with my two sous chefs.

A Small Reminder

This evening I was given a special gift.  My in-laws took my children for the night, and my husband and I took a mini vacation with some friends.  We very rarely get a "free pass" and so it was quite a treat.  We headed up to the ski valley, and enjoyed and evening hanging out with, and catching up with old friends.

It being the holiday season, a lot of people were back in town.  I saw friends I hadn't seen in years.  It is interesting how old friends can transport you back in time, and make you feel ten years younger.  And yet in the middle of a huge crowd, surrounded only by other adults, I was reminded of my children.

As I was talking to some friends Adele's "Rumor Has It" came on over the stereo.  My kids love Adele, and as a matter if fact, they know all the words to "Rumor Has It."  There I was, kids no where to be seen, and they were all I could think of.  That little reminder of my current self, in the midst of all the reminders of my past self, was beautiful.

The Christmas Show

For at least two weeks now, Tessie has been serenading us with “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” every night at dinner, in the tub, on the way to school, and in the middle of the super market.  She has been preparing for, and very excited about, her preschool’s Christmas party and her classes performance.  I will give you one guess at the song they would be preforming.  Her excitement was catching, and I couldn’t wait to see her.  So armed with the video camera, since Nick had to work, we got ready to sing some carols!  Then life happened.

Christian had pool therapy this morning, and I had a few other errands to run.  No problem, I thought.  I’ll have plenty of time.  My plan was to go to the pool, stop by the shop, deliver my last special order sign, come home to change the kids into party clothes, grab the food I made the night before, and then head over to the school to meet Tessie’s class at 11:45.  That doesn’t sound completely insane, does it?  I think I really went off the deep end this time. 

So of course we got behind schedule before even leaving the house this morning.  We rushed to the pool, late as usual.  After swimming I didn’t account for enough time to dry off and get both kids, oh yeah, and me too, dressed and back in the car.  So we were late arriving at the shop, then even later delivering the sign.  By this point, both kids had fallen asleep in the car.  I went back to the shop to drop off something else I had forgotten the first time, then raced back to the house.  It was now 11:36.  I left the kids in the warm car, and ran in, gathering Christmas dresses, shoes, panty hoes, gifts for teachers, and of course the food, which was cold in the pot, with no way to be reheated.  Oh well, I like to fly by the seat of my pants.

I got back in the car and rushed, in a very responsible and at the speed limit kind of way, to the school.  I didn’t get there in time to meet at Tessie’s classroom, so we had to go directly to the party.  Tessie hadn’t gotten changed yet, so I opened the back of the car, and did the fastest costume change possible in the parking lot.  Tessie, having just woken up, was definitely not okay with this.  There were tears, snot, and cries for Daddy.  Sorry baby.  I tried to calm her down as we walked into the party, pushing Christian, who was thankfully in a fantastic mood, in his stroller.  I made it in, and got Tes to her class just in time to have her nose painted red, and her antlers attached.  The food was still in the car.  Oh well.  I went back to where I had left Christian with a friend, looking back at Tessie, and sensing encroaching doom.  Well I’m usually right about these things.

As her class walked onto the stage, I positioned myself, camera set to video mode.  Tessie did not look excited.  As the music started to play, I watched her attempt to keep up with the teacher’s lead, then her face started to crumple, and the wailing began.  I was at the side of the stage in a flash, and her teacher handed her down to me, in full on meltdown.  All that practicing and anticipation, and my baby just cracked under the pressure.  I scooped her up, and we made a speedy escape into the hallway.  It took forever, but I finally calmed her down.  She still clung to me as we reentered the party.

Christian was having a great time, and was being passed from one set of snuggly arms to the next.  His sister’s behavior couldn’t have been any more different.   She wouldn’t leave my side, and tears kept threatening to reappear.  But any suggestion by me that we leave, was vehemently denied.  I finally managed to get her some cookies, and she came around.  Within twenty minutes, she was back up on the stage, dancing with her friends.  She was even trying to sing into the microphone.  The Tes I knew and loved was back.  By the time we were loaded in the car to leave, Tessie was singing, and life was beautiful again.  What a day.

Back on stage, post melt down.

My little reindeer.

Sleep Interrupted

In the wee hours of the morning, 4am to be exact, I was awakened by a small voice calling for mommy.  I got out of bed, and ran downstairs to find Tessie, clutching her baby doll in the living room.  I took her in my arms and asked what was going on.  She said she wanted to watch a movie and snuggle on the couch.  I whispered that it was not time to watch movies, but said I would love to snuggle for a few minutes.  As soon as I picked Tes up and she pressed her head to my cheek, I felt her fever on my skin.

I lay Tes on the couch, and got her some tylenol.  I put a log on the fire, and cuddled up close to her.  She crawled into my lap, and I wrapped my arms around her.  We cuddled on the couch for about twenty minutes.  I told her stories and stroked her hair.  Finally, I carried my sweet girl back to bed, and kissed her hot head goodnight.  We never want our little ones to feel bad.  But even though Tes woke up because she was feverish and sick, it allowed us a little time to cuddle, just the two of us.  She went back to bed, medicated and feeling better, and I went back to bed with a full heart, thanks to my beautiful little sleep interrupter. 

Dear Santa

Tessie and I have been talking about writing a letter to Santa for some time now.  Today. we finally pulled it off.  The kids were sent home early from school due to weather, and so we had a whole afternoon for unplanned activities.  Christian went down for a nap, and Tes laid down for a while, but didn’t sleep.  She soon came walking downstairs, searching for me, and looking for something to do.  I was finishing up a special order sign, and so she wanted to work on an art project too.  I suggested we write a letter to Santa, and Tes agreed that was a great idea.

I gathered some crayons and some nice paper, and set up a work station for Tes, right next to mine.  I wrote a sample “Dear Santa” for her on a scrap piece of paper, and she studied it closely.  She then wrote it out on her own, very slowly and carefully, across the top of the page.  She was very proud of herself, and I echoed the sentiment.  I then asked her to tell me what she wanted to tell Santa.  Tessie immediately launched into a narrative that I lost track of right away.  I stopped her, and suggested she just tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas.  “I want a Princess Frog dress and a Princess Frog movie.”  “Is that all?” I asked, surprised.  She nodded, then added “I have been very good.”  Well I couldn’t argue with that.  I wrote down her requests, and she signed her name at the bottom.

As she decorated her letter, I watched her with a full heart.  I don’t know when she got big enough to start writing letters to Santa, it happened without me realizing.  Her concentration as she worked was so endearing.  We both sat back and looked at the final project with satisfaction.  I told her that Pat, our elf on the shelf, would deliver it to Santa.  Tessie was pleased, and moved on to other things, but I continued to look at the letter.  This small task seemed like a really big deal to me, and made me quite sentimental.  I was then snapped out of my sappy stupor, when I realized I hadn’t bought either of the only two items Tes had asked for.  Whoops.  Sentimentality, although beautiful, can also be a little pricey.

Being a Mother

Today I spent some time with a good friend, who also happens to be a new mom.  Her first daughter is three months old, and perfect in every way.  My girlfriend has taken to motherhood so naturally and beautifully, it's hard to picture her before there was a chunky baby on her hip.  However, during our visit she made several comments about how neurotic she was, or how messy her house was. And she shook off my compliments like they weren't true.

I thought about this on my drive home.  It is actually a topic I have been thinking about for several days.  Why do we, as mothers, feel like we don't deserve a compliment, or like we aren't doing a phenomenal job, simply because we haven't gotten everything on our "to-do" list done.  Alright, we haven't gotten anything on the list done.  We give ourselves a hard time, feel guilty constantly, and are always asking ourselves and each other "Am I doing a good job?"  Well guess what, the answer is yes.  Yes, yes, yes.

Lately I have been eaiser on myself in the mom department.  Mybe it's because this blog has made me look at things differently, because I will be the first to tell you, I'm not doing anything differently.  I haven't got a magic answers book, or recently gotten a degree in motherhood.  In fact, I am just as clueless as ever.  The difference is that I have decided to admit to myself that I am doing a good job.  Yes, my children drive me crazy, my house is a mess, and the amount of times I shower in a week is fairly questionalble, but I am a good mom.  And so are you.

So here is what I propose; I want all my girlfriends and fellow mothers to look in the mirror, and let yourself off the hook.  I have something to tell you.  You are doing a fantastic job.  Each and every one of you.  I am in awe of all of you, even the moms that I haven't met.  Being a mother is hard, sometimes I can't believe how hard.  How many jobs that are this hard come without a training manual?  Give yourselves some credit.  When I looked at my girlfriend today, no matter what she saw, all I saw was an unbelievably beautiful woman.  A mother.

The Kid Room

This morning I had that perfect kind of awakening, the slow, easy kind, with no alarm clock.  Instead, what woke me were the murmuring happy voices of my children on the baby monitor.  I drifted in and out for a few minutes, until I was really awake.  Then I lay there for a while, and just listened.

At first I couldn't make out their exact conversation.  I just heard giggles and happy children sounds.  Then I started to understand what they were saying.  Tes was telling her brother that everyone has a heart.  I listened to her tell him where his heart was, and pictured her hand on her chest.  She continued to chat away as I got up and made my way downstairs.  Their happy voices could still be heard as I made myself a cup of coffee, then quietly pushed open the door to their room.

We recently decided to merge the kids into one room.  Tessie had the bigger room, so it is now "The Kid Room," which Tes loves to tell people.  At first we weren't sure how they would do in a shared space, they have always had their own rooms, Tessie since three months, and Christian since five months.  We were happily surprised.  Tes has fewer nightmares, Christian seems to fall asleep easier, and both kids enjoy talking to each other first thing in the morning.

As I opened the door this morning I found both kids snuggled in Christian's bed, facing each other, and happy as I have ever seen them.  They greeted me with huge smiles, and continued to laugh together about whatever they had been talking about before I came in.  I am not a morning person, by any means, but if I could start my day like that every morning, I might just become one.  I think our decision to turn Tessie's room into "The Kid Room" was the most beautiful decision we have made in a long time.

Auntie Heather

This weekend my very close childhood friend, Heather came to visit.  We haven’t seen each other in over a year, and I have really been looking forward to the visit.  My excitement however, paled in comparison to Tessie’s.  The last time she saw her Auntie  Heather she hadn’t even turned three, but over the course of the last year she has talked about her non-stop.  And when I told her about the upcoming visit, Tes was beside herself with excitement. 

Since Heather walked in the door Friday afternoon, Tessie has barely left her side.  It didn’t take long for Christian to join in the Auntie love, and both of them are now completely smitten.  Tonight is her last night in town, and I know the kids are going to be  sad to say goodbye.  After bath tonight, both kids couldn’t wait to get downstairs to snuggle with their auntie.  Christian could barely hold still long enough for me to dry him off.  “I wanna go see Auntie Heather!” he kept repeating over and over.  I finally walked downstairs and almost dropped him, as he launched out of my arms towards the couch where Heather sat.  Both kids crawled into her lap, and totally naked, they snuggled into  their auntie’s arms. 

I feel lucky that Heather and I are still such good friends, and especially lucky that she and my kids are so close.  I wish we could see each other more often, but life is nothing if not complicated.  For now she will be that fun Auntie that drops in from time to time, showers them with presents and love, and tops their coolness chart.  Watching her cuddle with my babies tonight, was nothing short of beautiful.

Snowflakes

This evening the kids had dinner at Nick’s mom’s house, while we finished up our shop holiday party.  By the time we finally closed up the shop, had dinner, and headed over to get the kids, it was late.  It had also started to snow again.  The kids were happy to see me, and told me about their fun evening, while I zipped up their coats over their jammies.  I was prepared to rush them out to the car, but as soon as we stepped outside, I paused.

The flakes were big and perfect.  I couldn’t help myself, I tilted my head back and stuck my tongue out.  The kids both mimicked me.  We stood there for a minute or so, catching snowflakes on our tongues, and reveling in the wonder of it.  Before we got too cold we piled into the car, singing “If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes...”  As we drove home, the snow fell heavier and heavier, until we could barely see the road.  It was like driving in a fairy land.  Tessie finally interrupted the revered silence by asking, “Mom, can I stick my tongue out the window?”  What beautiful innocence.  And no, you may not.

"Why Are You Crying Mommy?"

I had a wonderful morning with the kids.  We played, read books, and made cookies.  I had put Christian down for a nap, and Tes and I had just finished decorating our cookies, when I logged onto the internet.  That’s when my morning changed.   I, like many others, found out about the tragic shooting that occurred in Connecticut this morning, and was absolutely shaken to my core.  I immediately felt tears brimming over, and I ran up stairs to hide from from Tes.  I sat on my bed and wept.

I have always been saddened by violence in general, but today’s shootings were especially horrifying, because the victims were children.  Children who were not much older than my own.  My heart was there with the mothers of the fallen children, I ached for them, and couldn’t stop the “what if it were mine” thoughts from taking hold.  I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring down my face.  Then I heard a little voice ask “Why are you crying Mommy?”

I looked up to see Tessie standing at the top of the stairs.  She walked over to me, looking very concerned.  I held my arms open to her and she curled up in my lap, and hugged me tight.  I started crying all over again.  “Are you sick?” she asked.  “No honey, I’m just very sad.”  “Why?”  I told her that I had read something very sad, about a person who had done something really mean.  Tessie thought about that for a moment.  She looked at me, very seriously, took my hand in hers, and said “Let’s go downstairs and make some hot chocolate, that will make you feel better.” 

I stood up and let her lead me downstairs, and did as she asked.  Christian woke up, and the three of us spent the rest of the afternoon sipping cocoa, and snuggling close.  My kids didn’t notice that I kissed them more than usual, or hugged them tighter.  I tried not to let them see if I teared up, which I did many more times throughout the day.  They were there for me in exactly the way I needed, without ever realizing it.  The moment I became a mother, the center of my world shifted.  The thought of someone hurting my children is unthinkable, and awful.  But the gift they gave me, of letting me just revel in their perfection and brilliance, was amazingly beautiful.  And I needed some beauty today.

My Pianists

Today I dug through my old piano books, and unearthed my dusty, but intact book of Christmas songs.  I thought the kids would really love to hear me play the songs they have started to learn.  I was envisioning a big family sing-a-long.  It didn't go exactly as I had planned.

At first, when I dared to play "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" the kids got really excited.  Their excitement over the song was quickly followed by choruses of "I wanna play the piano!"  Tes ran over to sit next to me, and I scooted Christian over in his high chair.  For some reason, I thought I might still be able to play a little, with them next to me.  I should have known better.  It wasn't long before their rendition of the song overpowered mine, and I gave up.  So instead of singing for my children, I watched them play.  I must say, even though they weren't exactly playing together, or in any particular key, they really made beautiful music.

My Mid-Day Visit

I spent a ridiculous amount of time running errands this morning. About twenty five minutes of that time was spent waiting at the DMV, for a form that turned out to be available in the rack next to the door. Great. But I kept myself in good spirits, and finished my errands. The last item on my list was to turn in Nick's spring contracts to the university. The office is right next to the kid's daycare, but I forgot to drop them off this morning, of course. So since I was back there again, I decided to stop in and say hi to Tes.

I planned on sneaking by Christian's class, he doesn't do very well with goodbyes, or middle of the day drop ins, but luckily he had already gone down for a nap. I walked into Tessie's class to find most of the children dressed up in princess attire, Tessie included. Her back was to me, and she didn't see me walk in. Her friends all called out "Tessie, your mom is here!" and she came running into my arms. I fell to the ground to better embrace her, and exclaimed how beautiful she looked. Of course the other kids demanded praise as well, and I showered them all with compliments. I had to laugh, even the boys in the class were outfitted in princess dresses and skirts. When one of them remarked on that fact, Tessie, in her best teacher voice said, "well even boys can be princesses you know."

I got in a few more hugs, including a big hug from the whole class, then kissed Tes on the head, and said my goodbyes. I left with a huge smile on my face. I wish every morning full of errands could be interrupted with a visit to my daughter. What a great way to make a morning of chores turn beautiful.

Music to My Ears

My children are very musical.  I have used music to soothe them since they were in the womb, and they both continue to respond to it when nothing else works.  It doesn’t surprise me much, since both Nick and I are such music people, it just makes me happy.  But no matter that I know this about them, they are always able to surprise me in new ways.  Tonight it was by serenade.

After bath, Tes went downstairs and I was drying Christian off on my lap.  He started to sing “Baa Baa Black Sheep” and sang the entire song, word for word.  Then he moved on to “Old MacDonald” and sang a verse before finishing off with “Bingo.”  I was so impressed, and couldn’t wait for him to show off for his dad.  He wouldn’t perform, of course, but I was still beaming, nonetheless.

When both kids were tucked in bed, books read, and stories told, it was time for me to sing them their goodnight song.  Tessie always picks a song, and tonight she choose “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.”  I started to sing, but Tes stopped me before I finished the first verse, and asked me to start over.  She sang along with me, every word, loud and clear.  My heart swelled as she sang out, “Why, oh why, can’t I?”  Nothing moves me quite like music can.  But if the music is coming from my children, no words can touch that beauty.

The Perfect Winter Day

We woke up this morning to find our world transformed.  Everything was covered in a thick, shimmering blanket of white.  The kids couldn't wait to go outside and play.  I agreed that sledding was a must, but tried to hold them off as long as possible.  I thought we should wait until the temperature got at least above zero.

When it was apparent that I could no longer postpone the inevitable, I told the kids it was time to go sledding.  Pandemonium ensued.  Tessie and Christian were so excited, it took a good five minutes to calm them down enough to start getting them layered up.  After several layers of clothing, topped off with the puffiest snow suits you've ever seen, we waddled outside.

I got the sleds out of the garage, and pulled the kids across the yard.  Christian grinned from ear to ear.  Tessie got up and pulled her own sled, and we trekked up the driveway.  We happen to have the perfect driveway for sledding.  When we made it to the top, I positioned the kids, each in their own tire track.  We counted to three, then had the slowest sled race of all time.  The kids loved it.  When we got to the bottom the decision was made to abandon the sleds, and build a snowman.  We packed snow until our fingers were numb, then Christian suggested hot cocoa.  Brilliant.  After peeling back all the layers off my kids, I snuggled up on the couch with them, and we watched movies and sipped our cocoa.  It was the perfect winter day, cold, but very beautiful.

The First Snow

Here we are in mid December, and for the most part, we have been leaving the house in barely more than long sleeves.  It has been more than a little strange.  As I have been decorating the house for Christmas, it is a little disheartening to look outside, at the beautiful warm and sunny days.  So we have all been looking forward to the long awaited, and heavily hyped up storm, hitting us this evening. 

Although it has already snowed once this season, that was in November and we were out of town.  So I’m just not going to count it.  Today felt like the first snow.  This morning Nick and I finished last minute outside chores, and Tessie watched the sky anxiously.  Finally, right before lunch, I saw a few tiny flakes fall.  Tes was at the window in a flash, and frowned when she said she didn’t see anything.  Nick and I both smiled, and told her to keep watching.  By the time we were sitting down to lunch, there was a light blanket of white on our yard.  Half an hour later, there was another inch.  By the late afternoon you could only see bumps where large rocks had been, and it was still snowing.

Both the kids were excited.  Tessie kept climbing up on a chair to look out the window, and Christian kept asking to go “snowing.”  Unfortunately, it didn’t get above freezing all afternoon, and the temperature kept dropping.  So we somehow convinced the kids to wait until tomorrow to go outside, and in the meantime we all just stared out the window at the falling snow.  There is nothing like the first snow, even if it isn’t technically the first.  It was beautiful.

A Change of Plans

From the moment Christian woke up this morning, he couldn't wait to go swimming.  We had therapy scheduled at the town pool, Christian's absolute favorite thing.  He could hardly stand waiting, but somehow made it through breakfast and getting ready.  On the drive over he repeated over and over "I'm going to the pool! I'm so excited!"

We arrived at the pool at the same time as his therapist, and together we got the very excited boy into his walker.  As we walked towards the building, one of the life guards we know came up to say hi.  When she saw the towels under my arm she frowned, and asked of I knew the pool was closed today.  Oh no.  Christian immediately started to fall apart.

We somehow convinced him to walk inside the Youth and Family Center, and then the day turned around.  The staff was preparing for the annual Christmas Carnival, and there were already some decorations up.  We said hello to some elves and The Grinch, then headed over to visit the carousel.  Christian walked really well across the room, then jumped with excitement as we got him onto the carousel.  Tes was a little hesitant, but I convinced her it wouldn't go to fast, so she gave me her permission to insert my quarter.  The kids both exclaimed in delight as the carousel jerked to a start.  Christian was siting well, but still needed to be supported, so his therapist and I walked around with him, supporting him at his hips.

After the carousel, we headed for the arcade.  Both the kids wanted to try the race car games, which were perfect because it looked like they were playing without ever having to insert any coins.  Tessie was having a ball, so I wandered back over to Bubs and his therapist.  Christian was sitting in the chair, holding the steering wheel, supporting himself completely.  When his PT told him to start his engine, he leaned to the side and pressed a button with one hand, while still holding the steering wheel with the other.  Then he pulled himself back up to the middle.  He shouted in delight as the cars raced by on the screen, and called out "Look at me Mommy!  I'm playing the cars game!"  He was having so much fun, and didn't even realize how hard he was working.  And man, was he working hard.  Pretty beautiful, if you ask me.  It turned out that the pool being closed wasn't such a bad thing after all.

The Mess

I think I may have mentioned before, I sometimes bite off more than I can chew.  The good news is that this doesn't always result in a total mental breakdown.  Sometimes, like today, it just results in a very messy kitchen.

For several weeks I have known about an upcoming bake sale, organized by a friend, raising money to replace yucky tire shreds in our park, with gravel.   I knew what I wanted to make, and had every intention of having it done ahead of time.  I am full of good intentions.

Big surprise, I got nothing done ahead of time.  Instead, I took the kids to day care, and baked like I've never baked before.  My plan was to make some mini loaves of rustic rosemary and roasted garlic bread, and some winter themed cookies.  For the next couple hours there was nothing but a cloud of flour and powdered sugar, as I stirred, measured, kneaded, and decorated.  The other side to this story is that I had also promised Nick I would bring him lunch after I dropped off my contributions at the bake sale.  Sorry honey.

Well I finally finished decorating all my cookies, got lunch together, and pulled the bread out of the oven.  I loaded everything into the car, then ran back in to grab my keys.  I walked into the kitchen, and the entirety of the mess hit me.  Wow.  There was flour everywhere, icing dripping from the counter to the floor, and dishes stacked on every available surface.  I didn't have any time to dwell, so instead I decided to focus on the other side of the mess, the results side.  I had made some adorable snowman cookies, and the best smelling bread I had ever inhaled.  And I still managed to get Nick his lunch.  All in all, I'd say that's pretty beautiful.  Anyway, kitchens are meant to get messy, right?

My Model

I have a friend and neighbor who, like me, is a stay at home mom and artist.  Her particular craft is creating beautiful, one of a kind clothing for little ones.  She has been working on building a website to promote her clothing.  Recently she asked me if I thought Tessie would mind modeling, so she could post pictures of the outfits being worn.  Um, hello?  Have you met my daughter?  I let her know that I thought Tes would jump at the chance.  Which she did.  Literally.

Today my friend arrived with her arms full of colorful dresses, hats, and bags.  Tessie was practically salivating.  Nick offered to photograph her in our back yard, and we started the production.  We got Tessie into the first outfit, and Nick positioned her by the river.  She immediately struck a pose.  It was hard not to be overwhelmed by the cuteness.  Tessie strutted, she preened, and she smiled like she was born to do this.  Oh dear.

After several wardrobe changes, and fading light, we packed up the shoot, and called it a wrap.  Tessie was beaming, and my friend was grateful.  I was beside myself.  We looked back over some of the pictures I got on my phone, and we all couldn’t help laughing.  I have quite a prima donna on my hands.  I asked Tes if she had fun and she replied, “Ya, and I was really good.”  Wow, at least we won’t worry about her confidence.  What a beautiful little model.

My Choice

Today a small miracle occurred; Nick had the day off, and I didn’t have the kids.  A rarity, let me assure you.  We didn’t want to miss the opportunity to spend some quality time together, so after the kids were at school, we packed up the car, and drove into the mountains.  Nick and I have shared many adventures over the last decade, before embarking on our biggest adventure, parenthood.  We used to go hiking, fishing, and exploring.  The biggest difference between now and then is that we used to be spontaneous.  Don’t get me wrong, we still have all of that in us, but life doesn’t allow for as much spontaneity once there are little ones on your hip.  Today we wanted to remember what it was like to be that adventurous, spontaneous couple.  And so we did.

We drove off into the wilderness south of our house, and hiked into a canyon to search for trout in a river banked in ice.  It was amazing.  Cliffs rose straight out of the water, and Ponderosas looked down on us from high above.  The only sounds were those of the water rushing downstream, and the zip of Nick’s line in the air.  I sat on a rock, warm from the winter sun, and soaked in the peacefulness.  And then my children crept into my consciousness, and I couldn’t wait to bring them there. 

After a long hike out, we headed home via a different route.  As we passed a sign for an upcoming winery, I suggested we stop, and have a tasting.  We did.  It was the first non-planned outing we’ve had in a while.  It was a lot of fun.  We tried a few wines, bought a couple of bottles and some chocolates, and headed home. 

I looked over at my husband and felt totally content.  I believe that a marriage takes work, a lot of work.  It is a choice you have to make every day.  I know why I made the choice I did, I haven’t once questioned it, and I never want to forget it.  We are always a team, Nick and I, but we need time for just the two of us to strengthen that team.  I believe we will be better parents for it.  I don’t want to go back in time to before we had children, I just want us to have moments to remember that we are still those people, we can exist together without our kids, and I know this will become very important one day.  Today we were just Nick and Chrissy, and I was reminded how beautiful that is.

The King of the Forrest

This evening, after dinner, we were all sitting in the living room, enjoying some family time.  Christian asked to sit in the rocking chair, and I hesitated.  We have a wonderful, child sized rocker that my dad built, as a prototype for adult chairs.  He ended up not liking the design, and went in a different direction with his chairs, and the chair became mine, as it was just the right size.  Fast forward twenty five years, and it is now Tessie’s rocker.  She loves to sit in it, or sit her dolls in it, and I love watching her.

Christian has never sat in the chair.  The reason being that he simply couldn’t.  His trunk strength wasn’t enough to keep him from falling to the side, falling forward, or simply sliding out like jello.  Lately, however, he has been sitting really well, so I decided to go for it.  I put him in the chair, instructed him to hold on with two hands, and let go.  His smile couldn’t have been any wider.  “Look at me!” he said proudly.  When the chair started to rock he looked surprised, but didn’t falter in his posture.  In fact, Nick made the comment that this might be a great way to help build tone and control.  I agreed. 

Christian simply beamed.  He loved sitting in the rocker, and kept exclaiming so in delight.  Tes came and sat in my lap, and told her brother she was so proud of him.  Nick said he looked like a king, and Christian nodded.  “I’m the King!  I’m the King of the Forrest!”  We couldn’t argue with that.  So we all sat there, happily paying our respects to the King of the Forrest, in his beautiful throne.

A High Tech Hello

My daughter is very tech-savvy.  If you need help navigating your new iPhone, you should just call her.  Tonight she was engaged in one of her favorite pastimes, playing on my computer.  Her playtime ranges from online games, to educational apps, to typing her name.  While she was playing, she opened the Face Time application by accident.  I thought this might be a good opportunity to have her chat with my parents, who were staying with our cousins in Arizona, so we called them via Face Time. 

We tried calling my dad twice, to no avail.  Then we tried Nick’s mom, who answered it like a regular call, so we saw the side of her face for a second before we got cut off.  We finally settled on calling Nick, who was five feet away, just so it wasn’t a complete wash.  Then my dad finally figured out how to call us, and called twice while I was starting the kid’s bath.  We finally connected, Tessie told my parents about seeing the nutcracker, and did some ballet moves for them.  Then Christian got on, and just smiled into the phone, charmed everyone, then hung up on them. 

We got reconnected, and chatted for a moment, when Tes came running back into the room, wearing only panties, a superhero mask, and a pink sparkly crown.  She danced around, striking a pose when it suited her, and had everyone on the line cheering.  Then Christian got a little braver, showed off his muscles, and blew kisses through cyber space. 

There are a lot of arguments for just having a good old-fashioned phone conversation, but technology does have it’s benefits.  My parents don’t get to see the kids very often, and they miss them terribly.  I think Tessie’s naked masquerade, and Christian’s muscle show, aught to hold them over for a while.  Ah, the beauty of being high-tech, good thing I have my children to help me out.

The Nutcracker

As a child I was enamored with ballerinas.  I thought they were so amazingly beautiful and graceful.  My favorite ballet was The Nutcracker and I rented the video of the ballet countless times, and danced around my living room to the music.  I didn't actually have the slightest idea what I was doing, since I never took ballet, but I imagined I was a beautiful ballerina, nonetheless.  Even though I loved the ballet so much, and continued to listen to the CD every Christmas and many times in between, I had never been to see The Nutcracker in real life.  That is, until today, and I had the perfect date.

Tessie loves The Nutcracker every bit as much as I do, if not more.  Watching her dance around our living room is like looking back in time.  The only difference is that at the age of nearly four, she knows more ballet than I ever have.  She puts on her ballet slippers, and looks as though she could be part of the production.

This morning I woke up at 6:45 to the sounds of the kids calling me.  When I walked into Tessie's room, she was totally naked, holding up a dress, and announced she wanted to get ready to go to the ballet.  I laughed, and then told her we had to wait a little while longer.  Later, we both got dressed up, and drove an hour and a half south, to watch The Santa Fe Aspen Ballet perform The Nutcracker.  It was hard to tell which of us was more excited as we said goodbye to Nick and Christian.  By the time we arrived at the theater Tes was literally jumping up and down to cross the street.  We found our seats, and waited anxiously for the curtain to rise.  When the music started Tessie took my hand and leaned forward.  Until the intermission, her eyes didn't leave the stage.  We both gasped, clapped, and cheered together.  At the close of the first act Tessie breathed "wow!"

At intermission we joined the throngs of children gathered around a table piled high with souvenirs.  I suggested that we get an ornament of Clara holding a small Nutcracker, but Tes shook her head.  She picked a very special Nutcracker ornament, and cradled him in her arms.  We walked back to our seats, and Tes continued to hold her Nutcracker as the second act began.  We marveled together at all the dancers, and smiled with delight when the Sugar Plum Fairy danced across the stage on the tips of her toes.  During the curtain call, Tessie cheered as enthusiastically as anyone in the room.

The most special part of the afternoon came after the performance, when Tessie and the rest of the children in her ballet company went down close to the stage, and met the ballerinas.  She smiled in delight as several members of the cast, including the Nutcracker himself, walked out right in front of her.  They asked if anyone had any questions.  Everyone was silent, then Tes raised her little hand.  "I have a Nutcracker!" she said, holding him up for everyone to see.  Everyone laughed, and Tes beamed.  I was dying from happiness.  When it was time for the dancers to go, several of them stayed to talk to the children.  I asked the Nutcracker if he would mind taking a picture with Tessie, and he very sweetly agreed.  She told him that she was a ballerina too, and he said that maybe she could be in The Nutcracker one day.  She smiled up at him, her face full of wonder, and said she wanted to be Clara.  In case you don't know, Clara is the little girl who is given the Nutcracker, and goes on a magical adventure with him.  He smiled at Tes and said he thought she would make a wonderful Clara. 

I am so glad that this was my first time seeing The Nutcracker live.  I can't imagine any way it ever could have been more magical, or meant more.  Watching it myself was amazing enough, but watching it through Tessie's eyes was absolutely beautiful.

I'm a T-Rex!

This morning was one of those lucky times, when all four of us got to be together.  Tes and I decorated the tree, and the boys watched from the couch.  It was perfect.  I made us potato soup with roasted pecans for lunch, and we all ate together at the table.

Nick finished his lunch and started to gather his things for an afternoon fishing trip.  I lingered with the kids at the table, listening to them talk about silly things, and just soaking in their wonderfulness.  Then Christian held his hands up like claws, gave me a menacing look, and roared.

I pretended to be frightened and made him laugh.  "I'm a dinosaur!" he said.  When we asked what kind, we were informed he was a T-Rex.  He continued to roar, and threaten us with his claws.  Tessie asked if he was a friendly dinosaur, or a bad one.  Without hesitation he replied "Bad," with a snarl.

At first Tessie was very concerned, and repeatedly assured me that Christian was just kidding.  Once it was apparent that he was very serious about this bad dinosaur business, Tes decided if you can't beat them, join them.  I then had two roaring dinosaurs.

They roared with all their might, and I hid behind my hands in terror.  This sent them into fits of laughter, and I couldn't help but join in.  We spent a good twenty minutes alternating between roars and giggles.  I sure love my beautiful little dinos.

Oh Christmas Tree

I am going to state for the record, that Thanksgiving was way to early this year.  I tried to hold back, and wait until December, but I caved with one day to go.  Today we got our Christmas tree.  Nick and I have always cut down our own tree.  Bundling up, heading to the mountains, and selecting the perfect tree is one of many favorite holiday traditions.  This year the kids were really excited to go, and had been talking about it for days.  As we were getting ready, Christian, who was feeling much better today, was smiling from ear to ear. 

We piled the kids in the car and headed up into the mountains.  Tessie gave us all jobs.  Her job was to look for a good tree, Nick’s was to cut the tree down, mine was to look for critters, and Christian was supposed to hold the “map” and tell us where to go.  Feeling comfortable in our roles, we turned off onto a forrest road and began the search.  The kids were in great spirits, but after fifteen minutes of bumpy road, Christian began to nod off.  By the time we found “The Tree” he was sound asleep.  Nick, Tessie, and I got out of the car and climbed up a little hill.  We girls watched, as Nick cut it down.  Tessie cheered and called out “You’re so strong Daddy!” as Nick dragged it to the car.  We loaded it onto the roof, and headed home.

Tessie was asleep before we got back on pavement, and Nick and I reminisced about previous tree-cutting expeditions.  Christian woke up just as Nick turned off the engine.  We both turned back to say hi.  “I wanna get a tree.” he said, happy and excited.  I could hear both of our hearts sink at the same time.  As we told him that we had already gotten a tree, and tried to get him excited to see it, Christian began to head into the dark place where tantrums abound.  It wasn’t long before he was in a full on melt down. 

After a long time cooling down in time-out, Christian rejoined us, with his sister, in the living room as I was finishing stringing the lights.  He was still pretty grumpy.  That is, until I plugged in the tree.  There was a collective sigh, as we all took in our magnificent tree.  Christian completely forgot he was upset, and we all just stared at the lights.  Later, as we were getting ready for the bath, I asked Christian if he liked our tree.  “I love, love, love it!”  There is nothing quite like the beauty of a newly lit Christmas tree.

The Healing Power of a Sister

I am typing this after just having finished cleaning vomit out of my couch.  Just another evening in mom land.  How, you ask, is this going to lead up to anything beautiful?  Well that is the whole point of this project, I guess.  Take something taxing, or downright disgusting, and learn to see the beauty in it.  That, or go completely insane.  So let me backtrack, to a moment before my couch stunk to high heaven, and explain. 

My poor baby boy has somehow acquired a nasty bug, complete with fever, congestion, no appetite, and the beginnings of a chest cough.  To say the least, he is miserable.  We spent most of the day snuggling on the couch, watching movies.  After a trip to the doctor’s this afternoon, I was armed with antibiotics, mucus expectorant, vapor rub, and pain killers.  I wanted my baby to feel better.  We got a few bites of dinner in him, and then I put him in his Dad’s arms on the couch, while I went to get his medications ready.  Tessie put on her ballet slippers, and danced for us, making Christian smile and laugh.  But then he coughed, gagged, and threw up all over his dad’s arm, the couch, and the floor.

I produced towels faster than I knew how, and Nick and I cleaned up our whimpering boy.  Tessie ran over and put her hand on her brother.  “Oh Bubbi,” she said, “I’m so sorry you got sick, poor baby.”  It just about broke my heart.  Once Christian was cleaned up, and in fresh pajamas, I set him back on the couch, on a clean section, and started to ready his nighttime doses.  Tessie got him to laugh again, and lay down next to him on the couch.  By the time I carried Christian to bed, he was happy and ready to sleep.  The power of his sister can do anything, even make him forget he just was sick, and that is beautiful.

Dolphins

Our little guy had to stay home from school today because of a fever, and he was not happy about it.  In fact, Tes and I walked out the door to the sound of him wailing “I wanna go to school too!”  I dropped Tes off at school, drove home, sent Nick of to work with a kiss, and checked on my sick boy.  He seemed remarkably better, probably on account of the Ibuprofen, and was working with his physical therapist in his room.  They were looking at flash cards of animals, and Christian was reaching with alternating hands to grab them, and place them on a pile on the bed.  He was doing all of this while sitting super straight and tall, and without using his hands for support.  It was pretty remarkable. 

When Christian saw me watching he called out “Mamma!” with a big smile on his face.  Then, as if he had just remembered something, he started digging through the pile of cards on the bed, looking for something.  When we asked what he was looking for he replied “Tes and Bubbi.”  Luckily his therapist knew which one he wanted, and helped him produce a card with two dolphins, jumping side by side.  “Look!  Tes and Bubbi!” he said with pride, holding the card up for me to see. 

I was so blown away, on several levels, that at first I didn’t say anything.  Then I smiled, and asked if he thought the dolphins looked like brother and sister.  He said yes, and went back to playing his game.  He continued to sit, for almost an hour total, and only fell once.  I was so unbelievably proud of this accomplishment, but I was even more moved by his devotion to his sister.  He kept the dolphin card in his lap, and continued to refer to it during the rest of his session.  Even when working as hard as he was, he was thinking of his sister the whole time, how beautiful.

Jello

My afternoon of cleaning was interrupted today by a phone call from Christian’s daycare.  He had been acting lethargic all day, and upon further investigation by his teachers, it was discovered he had a low fever.  I said I was on my way, happily put down my mop, and drove out to the school.  It is always easier to collect Tessie first, and then Christian.  The problem is that I have to walk past Christian’s class to get to Tes.  Today I managed to sneak by without him spotting me, and found a happy girl waiting for me.  We gathered up Tessie’s things and I told her that her brother wasn’t feeling well.  She said she would help me take care of him and, hand in hand, we walked into his class. 

Christian was snuggled in a teacher’s arms, looking like he felt pretty bad.  His eyes were glassy and his cheeks were flushed.  I picked him up and gave him a tight cuddle.  His teacher said he had barely eaten anything all day, aside from a little jello.  Suddenly, Christian giggled.  “What’s so funny?” I asked him, smiling.  “Jello!” he laughed.  I jiggled with him in my arms and said “jello” in a silly voice.  This sent him into a full on giggle fit.  As I gathered his things and handed them to Tes, I occasionally gave a “jello wiggle” and Christian went into another giggle fit each time. 

He continued his giggling as we walked down the hall and into the parking lot.  As I buckled him into his seat, he still looked sick, but he was smiling and laughing.  Tessie helped keep the jello ball rolling, so to speak, and together we kept Christian in a good mood, all the way home.  I gave Christian some Tylenol as soon as we got home, and he fell asleep watching a movie.  I’m sure he will be feeling better soon, but for now I am grateful that just a little silliness can turn a potentially crummy afternoon into a beautiful one.

The No-TV Dinner

I was struck with inspiration today, and completely rearranged my house.  Seriously.  The living room and dining room switched places.  It began as simply trying to make a spot for the Christmas tree, that we are planning on getting sometime in the next week, but morphed into something much bigger.  This is by no means unusual for me, it's actually one of my favorite pastimes.  I was pleased with the new arrangement, and even got Tessie's approval.  However, the biggest benefit of the new arrangement, didn't even occur to me until much later.

Because of the way the television is now positioned, we can no longer see it from the dining table.  Nick and I have been trying to eliminate, or at least cut down, TV during dinner.  It's been going okay, but the kids usually only make it so long without asking for a movie, because they can see the television the entire time.  Tonight we turned over a new leaf.

We sat down at the table as a family, and all ate together, telling stories about our day.  When the kids had both finished eating, neither one asked for a movie, instead they continued to laugh at each other's jokes and general silliness.  We sat at the table for almost an hour, all the way through dinner and desert, with happy kids, engaged in each other, not the TV.  It was nothing short of a miracle, and absolutely beautiful.

My Morning Surprise

Last night I finally got a really good night’s sleep.  I woke up at 7am when I heard the kids, but Nick told me he would go get them.  With absolutely no protest, I fell back asleep.  Just before I checked out I could hear, over the baby monitor, the kids happily greeting Nick.  I drifted back into a deep sleep to the sounds of their cheerful voices, and didn’t wake up for another hour. 

I am rarely spoiled in this way, mainly because our bedroom is a loft, and we have no bedroom walls.  Even if Nick tries to let me sleep in, it almost never works.  Today, I was so exhausted, that no noise was going to keep me from getting my forty winks.  I finally came back to the land of the living, and started to get out of bed.  I could hear everyone downstairs, but as soon as I started moving around, the noise from downstairs sopped.  As I stood up I heard whispers telling Tessie to wait.  I knew I had a surprise coming my way.

When I got to the top of the stairs I saw Tes at the bottom, holding up a drawing, and grinning from ear to ear.  When I got to the bottom of the stairs she proudly announced that the drawing was for me.  I looked at it and listened as she explained.  The most remarkable part was that she had written TES clearly across the bottom of the paper.  She also pointed out some hearts and Spiderman, but she was obviously most proud that she had written her name.  I hugged her tight, and told her how much I loved the drawing.  My eyes were still fuzzy, my voice gravely, and I hadn’t had a sip of coffee.  But I wasn’t gonna pass up this amazing present.  What a beautiful way to wake up.

My Best Sale

I had a long day at the craft fair.  After being on my feet, and smiling and talking all day, I was exhausted.  Towards the end of the day, I felt a little like I was on auto pilot, and it wasn’t helped by the fact that so far, I hadn’t been selling very well.  Despite my less than stellar sales, I was trying to keep a positive attitude.  It did seem like my booth was being received well, and everyone that I talked to commented on how nice my paintings were, or how much they liked my hats.  They just weren’t buying any of them.

Towards the end of the day, I was having a hard time sticking to my look-on-the-bright-side motto.  I was starting to seriously question whether my choice to do the show was simply foolish, and wondered if all my hard work was for naught.  Rather depressing stuff, really.  Then a young girl walked into my booth with her grandmother.  She seemed to be about thirteen, and was quiet and polite.  I slapped my happy face back on, and greeted them with a smile.  I suggested that she might find a pretty sign to hang in her bedroom, and she shook her head.  “It’s for my friend,” she told me.  “She’s leaving.”  I was immediately heart-sick for this young girl, who was loosing her best friend. 

She took her time and selected a bright and colorful sign that stated “Follow your heart.”  I wrapped it up for her, and thanked her profusely, adding that I thought it was a wonderful present.  As she walked away, I noticed my mood had lifted.  It wasn’t a huge sale, but it was my best.  I pictured the young girl saying goodbye to her friend who was moving away, and thought of my sign being the reminder of their friendship.  It moved me almost to tears.  I didn’t make another sale, and maybe I won’t tomorrow.  But when I think of the sign hanging in a new bedroom, somewhere far away, and the bond between friends that it represents, I will remember that I love what I do, and that is beautiful.