The Long Road Home

This morning it was time to leave the peacefulness of the hot springs, and head back to the reality of wedding planning and kid raising.  I dropped the bride off at her parents' house, and then made the hour long drive home.  I hadn't spent that much time alone in my car in ages, and it was almost more relaxing than the springs had been.  I played my music loud, and sang along without being interrupted.  The wide New Mexico sky spread out around me, the blue interrupted only by a fine line of clouds on the horizon.  I slipped into that peaceful state of driving a long empty road allows, and felt truly rested and relaxed.  By the time I pulled into town I was refreshed, and ready to be a mom again.  All thanks to my beautiful solo drive.

Big Girl Time

Today kicked off the wedding weekend of a very dear friend of mine.  I have been helping her plan her wedding long distance, she is getting married here in Taos, but has been living in Chicago.  We have been working hard, and were ready for some rest and relaxation today, as we headed off with the rest of the bridesmaids to have an overnight stay at a nearby hot springs resort.  From the moment I got in the car, I started to relax.  It didn't take long to realize that this was more than a wedding weekend retreat for me, it was an opportunity to be just Chrissy, the woman, friend, and Matron of Honor, not Mommy.  I embraced the opportunity.

We arrived at the hotel, checked in, changed, and headed to the hot springs.   We started with a long leisurely lunch, then headed for the mud pit.  As we lay in the sun, letting the mud dry on our bodies and leech out our toxins and stress, I began to feel more like myself.  By the time we were soaking in the springs, I was completely relaxed, and utterly happy.  It turns out I have more to thank my girlfriend for than making me a part of her special day.  She gave me a gift every mother treasures, beautiful relaxation.

Wiped Out

As much fun as it is to have guests, it is inevitably disturbing to your daily routine.  The kids stay up late, we stay up even later, and we all wake up too early.  Naps don't happen at the right time, and usually meals don't either.  It's the symptom of too much fun had by all.  After our guests left today, I set about cleaning the house, put Christian down for a nap, and put a movie on for Tes.  After about five minutes, I walked by the couch to find my girl sound asleep.  She had played so hard that she didn't even make it past the previews to her movie.  I turned off the TV, made sure she wasn't going to roll off the couch, and let her get some beauty sleep.

Long Distance Freinds

Today some very good friends of ours came up for a visit. Although they are from New Mexico, they now split their time between Argentina and Montana, so we rarely see them. In fact, the last time they visited as a whole family was nearly two years ago. In spite of this, out daughters, who are about six months apart, are constantly talking about each other. When I told Tessie they were coming to visit she literally jumped for joy.

From the second they arrived, the girls were inseparable. There was no big show of reunion, they just started playing imeadiatly. They played dress up, puzzles, dolls, and roasted marshmallows together. They ended the night in the same bed, hugging each other fiercely. Although the shared bed didn't last all night, I was extremely impressed by their bond. At such a young age, I am amazed at the connection they have, and at the friendship that had stretched over time and distance. I don't think they know how beautifully lucky they are. 

The Best Twenty Dollars I've Ever Spent

Over the weekend I happened across a small purchase, that carried a huge reward.  While driving into town, I passed a garage sale, and instinctively looked over at it. I spotted a swing set in the yard, and did an immiediate u-turn.  It turned out that they were not selling the swing set, but a woman at the garage sale overheard me asking, and said she had a swing set for sale. Never one to pass up a fortuitous turn of events, I asked her about it. She said it was old, but still in fairly good shape, and she would let it go for twenty dollars. What??!! Twenty dollars for a wooden swing set? I was extremely skeptcal, but I found myself getting her number and promising to call so I could come check it out.

We made arrangements fore to come by the following morning, and although I told  myself it was probably too good to be true, I was excited. When I pulled onto the woman's driveway yesterday morning, I saw the swing set right away, and man, did it look funky. It was weathered and worn, and at some time in its life it had been used as a chicken coop. There was still chicken wire surrounding the bottom of the tower. But I didn't write it off. I examined it closely, shook it, checked the wood, then handed its former owner a twenty dollar bill. An hour later I was back with my neighbor, loading onto his trailer, and driving it home. 

This morning I got to work. I started by removing the chicken wire, and about a million staples. Then the power tools came out. I started sanding, and kept sanding for hours. Nick came home early from work, and we teamed up. By the early evening we had it looking pretty good. Nick had picked up some stain on the way home, and we soaked the whole thing. We let it dry while we had dinner, but were too excited to let it sit over night. Somewhat akeardly, we carried it to its new home in the backyard, and reassembled it. I couldn't believe the transformation! It was beautiful. 

The kids couldn't wait to try it put, and we couldn't wait to let them. Christian screamed in delight as he swung high onto the air, and Tessie cried out "I love this!" My heart swelled, and I felt pretty proud of myself. With twenty dollars, and a lot of luck and elbow grease, I gave my kids something that will bring them joy for years to come. Now that is a beautiful purchase. 

How Is Christian Doing?

There are moments when big realizations hit you, and maybe it's something that you have known for a while, but are suddenly made aware of.  These moments may not take up much time, but they are huge, nonetheless.  I had one of these moments today.  A friend came over for a visit, and we were sitting in the back yard, talking about our kids.  Of course.  She asked me a question that I get asked almost every day.  "How is Christian doing?"  Sometimes people ask this with a little hesitation, like they are worried I might say something bad.  Sometimes there is a hint of pity in the question, which I try to ignore.  And sometimes, especially from the people that know Christian well, it is simple curiosity over the progress of his therapy.  This friend's question fell into the last category, and I was happy to answer.  I told her how strong he was getting, that he was gaining confidence more and more everyday.  I said that his progress was still slow, and it might not seem like he was doing much, but that couldn't be further from the truth.  I said the biggest difference was that when I thought about his progress now it was without feeling... And then I wasn't sure how to finish.  "Hopeless?" my friend offered.  And I realized that she was right.  That all this time I felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness when I tried to think of the future.  I couldn't picture Christian any way other than struggling.  I don't feel that way any more, I feel confident that he will surprise us all.  That moment of realization was uplifting, empowering, and overwhelming in its beauty.

Daddy, Throw Me Big!

We had a barbeque tonight at Nick's mom's house.  The kids had been there for most of the day, and Nick and I had been working in the shop.  When we arrived we took the kids outside to play, and enjoy the beautiful evening.  Nick's step-dad grilled some steaks and veggies, and we ate on the patio in the glow of the sunset.  It was pretty perfect.  After dinner, the kids wanted to play one more game of bean-bag toss before we went home, so we all migrated to the back yard.  Nick was holding Christian, and so he ended up facilitating Christian's absolute favorite activity, being hurled into the air.  He smiled at his Daddy and said "Daddy throw me big!" over and over until Nick obliged.  It's a rather terrifying thing to watch your child being thrown into the air, but his screams of delight make it impossible not to join in with his enthusiasm. 

The downside to this awesome game was that Christian didn't want to stop.  Everytime Nick stopped throwing him, Christian demanded more.  "Are you ready now Daddy?' he asked until Nick gave in.  When it was finally time to leave, Christian got upset over the idea of getting in the car.  Being the smart Daddy that he is, Nick used the game in his favor.  He told Christian he was going to "throw" him into the car, then pretended to do so, landing him softly in his car seat.  Christian looked at Nick, let out a big breath, and said "Whoa Daddy, that was intense!"  We roared with laughter, never having heard that particular word come out of Christian's mouth before.  What a beautiful surprise.

A Beautiful Bee

This afternoon I was outside watering the lawn, and the kids were sitting on the back porch coloring.  Tessie has been really into writing letters lately, and asking us how to spell words constantly.  While I was working she kept calling me over to show me her drawings, and I smiled and told her what a good job she was doing.  Then I was caught completely by surprise.  The next drawing I leaned over to look at was of a bee, with the word BEE written perfectly above it.  She hadn't asked me how to spell it, or for any help at all.  The only words I have seen her write on her own are her name, Bubbi, Mom, and Dad.  And all of those took practice with us helping her for a while before she started doing it on her own.  I was speechless, and so proud.  Tessie shone like the sun.  She was so proud of herself, it was beautiful.

Ballet Barbie

Like many other girls her age, Tessie has become enamored of Barbie movies.  I am not very pleased with this development, but I also recognize the fact that I have much bigger battles to fight.  I am very picky about which Barbie movies she rents, and for the most part they are not that bad.  Her new favorite features Barbie as a ballerina, the best of two worlds, as far as Tes is concerned.  Today, while Christian was napping, I put it on for her while I did some house work.  I looked over during one of the dance scenes, and my heart melted.  Tessie was standing in front of the television, mimicking every move Barbie made.  She had on a twirly dress and her ballet shoes, and she looked the part.  I swallowed the fact that this moment was brought to me courtesy of the worst role model ever, and just enjoyed my beautiful daughter, twirling around the room like an angel.

Angry Birds

Christian had physical therapy first thing this morning, which he always looks forward to.  His therapist and I moved the coffee table out of the way to make room for him to roll around on the floor, and the fun began.  She brought a ton of cardboard blocks over to play one of Christian's favorite games: Angry Birds.  She builds a tower out of the big blocks, and Christian rolls across the floor to crash into them.  I hadn't watched them play since Christian has gotten good at rolling, and it was a riot. 

Tessie was the assistant, and together they would build a tower as fast as they could, and Christian would try to get there before they finished.  Both Tes and Christian were shrieking with laughter.  As soon as he knocked it down, Tes would grab as many blocks as she could, run to the other side of the rug, and try to build a new tower.  It was so much fun to watch them having such a blast, but it was absolutely amazing to watch Christian roll.  He was rolling quicker and smoother than I had ever seen, and then pushing himself up high on his forearms to knock over the tower.  I was amazed and in awe.  He rolled again and again, a smile plastered to his face the whole time.  I couldn't stop grinning myself, and all I could think of was how beautiful this little goofball was, rolling across the living room.

Worth It

As a mom of two young children, I am used to talking chances to get something done when I can, knowing that they don't come very often.  The kids have to be happily distracted in some form or fashion, so I can focus on a task without being interrupted every thirty seconds.  As you may guess, this hardly ever happens, and so nothing ever gets done.  Today I was planning on cleaning the kitchen, which looks like a bomb went off, while the kids played.  This is always easier said than done, because Christian needs me constantly.  It's not his fault, he just isn't to the point yet where he can do much on his own.  I can set him up with some toys or books, but he either grows tired of them and can't get new ones, they fall out of his reach and he can't get them, or he just falls over and can't get back up.  I wish with every ounce of my body that I could send him to play outside with his sister, but that is still only a dream.  Today, after repeating this same silly routine for about ten minutes, I gave up.

I ignored the dishes, and sat down with Christian on the floor to build a block tower.  It was awesome.  Then we went outside with Tes and a friend she had over.  We played on the slide, Christian and I sat in the tent and spied on the girls, and I helped Christian walk around barefoot in the dirt, which is his new favorite thing to do.  We laughed and laughed, picked dandelions, and laughed some more.  We had lunch outside, and the kids got coated in watermelon juice.  When it was time for Christian to take a nap he fell asleep almost before I left the room, and within five minutes, Tes was asleep on the couch.  I didn't want to wake her up, so I tiptoed out to the backyard, walked around for awhile, then sat down and read my book.  I can't remember the last time I read a book during the day, other than Olivia or Where the Wild Things Are.  So in the end, the kitchen still looked like a bomb went off, but I had a fantastic day with my kids, and that is beautifully worth it. 

The Secret Passage

Tessie went over to our neighbors house to play for a while today.  Christian was napping, and I got some cleaning done while there was no one under-foot.  When it was time for her to come home, I walked next door to pick her up.  We said our goodbyes and thank yous, then headed home.  We have a "secret passage" to the neighbors house that Tes like to walk on.  It's just a spot on the side of our property that has been worn down from dogs walking on it, but it is a more direct route to their house, and we get to walk through the trees, so it is a lot of fun for a little kid.  I walked ahead of Tes and turned back to watch her walking through the trees.  She was wearing a princess dress, of course, and her hair framed her face like a golden halo.  As she picked her way carefully down the path, a sweet smile played at the edges of her mouth.  In that moment I knew she was in another land, filled with fairies and wood nymphs.  I felt almost like I was spying on her in a very personal moment.  It was beautiful.

Thriving

I am always amazed when I manage not to kill plants, inside or out.  If they begin to thrive under my care, then I'm really shocked.  Tessie and I walked over to check on our raspberry bushes today, and I was given such a shock.  We were given eleven raspberry roots and stalks from some clients of ours, and we planted them near the river at the back of our property.  Our hope was that at least one would take, and then spread, so we could have our own raspberry patch.  I can't even tell you how many frozen raspberries I buy every month, but the kids love them.  Shortly after we planted them, the leaves all shriveled up on the stalks, and pretty soon they just looked like brown sticks poking out of the ground.  I wasn't very hopeful, but I dutifully watered them, and crossed my fingers.  When Tes and I watered them this afternoon we found a welcome surprise.  Two of the plants had new growth, bright green leaves growing at the bottom of the stalks!  Tes was so excited she let out a "WOO-HOO!" and I echoed her sentiment.  Maybe I'm better at this gardening thing than I thought, wouldn't that be beautiful?

The Sleepover

Tessie had her very first sleepover last night.  One of her dearest friends spent the night, and we decided to see if they could sleep in the same bed.  When we told them the plan, both girls jumped with excitement.  They walked into the bedroom holding hands, and my heart swelled at the sweetness of it.  We tucked them in, kissed them goodnight, and turned out the light.  After a lot of whispering and reminders to go to sleep, it was finally quiet in the kids’ room.  As I went to bed, I expected to be awakened  at some point during the night, to convince the girls to go back to sleep.  They slept all night.  I finally awoke to the sounds of their little morning voices over the baby monitor.  They were talking and telling stories, a couple of happy clams.  Christian woke up and I could hear them getting him toys, and bringing him into their games.  I lay there listening for almost an hour, until I heard two sets of bare feet walking up my stairs.  Both girls came over to say good morning, and crawled up to give me hugs.  I smiled as they walked back downstairs, hand in hand.  The first sleepover couldn’t have gone more beautifully, and I think it’s the beginning of many more to come. 

Sitting at the Picnic

Today was the end of the year picnic at the kids’ school.  They were very excited to go, and it was a perfect day for eating on the lawn.  We walked into the side yard off the day-care, and looked for a spot to sit.  I spread our towel out on the grass, and set Christian down.  Tessie sat down next to him, and I told them both I would go get some food.  Several of Christian’s teachers were sitting next to us, and I asked if they would keep an eye on him while I was in line for food.  I made sure Christian was sitting sturdily, and reminded him to balance.  Then I went and got in line. 

The line for food was long, but I could see the kids the whole time.  Christian was sitting so well.  I watched as he talked to his teachers and friends, not wobbling, and never needing so much as a hand to steady him.  I was so proud.  I looked around at the other parents standing in line while their kids were running around.  I realized this was a very new experience for me, and I couldn’t help but to keep checking on Christian to make sure he was still upright.  He was, and he continued to sit by himself when I brought the food back for him.  If someone who didn’t know us, looked over during that whole time, they wouldn’t even guess that Christian had any extra challenges.  That feeling lit me from within, and I can only describe it as beautiful.

Another Year Older

I turned another year older today.  I wasn't extremely excited about it, thirty one seems like a nothing year.  I didn't feel any different than I did when I turned thirty, and if I'm being completely honest, I would much rather be turning twenty five.  That was a really fun year.  I guess you could say I was having a bit of the birthday blues, not for any good reason, but I'm sure you understand.  Things are just starting to change.  I don't have the same energy I had in my twenties, or the same adventures, and my body has totally rebelled.  Not cool.  So this was the mood I was in as the sun rose on my thirty first birthday.

Luckily, it turned around pretty quickly.  Nick got up with the kids, and I got to snuggle back into my covers for another hour or so.  Then Nick walked upstairs with a cup of coffee, and my rug rats followed close behind.  They all snuggled into bed with me, and I soaked them up like the sun.  Nick and the kids played some games on the Wii while I sipped my coffee, a kid tucked under each arm.  That's when I knew I was being ridiculous for wanting to travel back in time, for even a moment.  My thirties have been far better than my twenties so far, and I'm only one year in.  I snuggled my babies up closer, and thanked my lucky stars that I was in that exact place at that exact time, and yes, even that exact age.  My beautiful babies make it all worth it.

A Day Just For Me

The kids were in school today, and although it is usually my day to work in the shop, Nick got it covered so that he could treat me to a special post-mother's day, pre-birthday day of relaxation.  He offered me several choices, and I picked floating down the river, with a little fishing thrown in.  I left Nick to arrange the details and get our gear together, and took the kids to school.  We needed two cars at the river, so I drove down by myself to meet Nick.  After ten minutes in the car without the kids, I realized I was still humming along with Sesame Street.  I quickly switched it off, shaking my head in disbelief.  I really needed this day.

When I caught up with Nick, we left my car at the take out, and drove up river with the boat.  We got it in the river, and pushed off.  I settled in, ready for some gentle drifting, but we hadn't gone far when Nick told me to get ready to cast.  I don't get to fish much any more, and I was a bit rusty.  But after a few casts, it started to come back to me.  With my husband guiding me, it wasn't long before I landed the first fish of the day, a really nice rainbow trout.  After that I began to loosen up, and unwind.  We continued to head down the river, fishing and talking.  We got into some great small-mouth bass water, and I caught a couple.  I was having a blast.  It was a beautiful day, and I was feeling nostalgic for past fishing trips we had taken together, when life was a little simpler.

Just as I was starting to get really hungry, Nick pulled the boat over to a grassy beach.  He hurriedly unloaded a bunch of stuff off the boat, and before I knew it, he had a beautiful picnic of all my favorite appetizers spread out, complete with a bottle of wine.  We sat under the shade of some willows, and leisurely nibbled on cheese stuffed olives, meats, and cheeses.  I felt thoroughly spoiled, and perfectly happy.  After a long lunch, we headed back down the river, catching more fish as we went.  By the time we pulled the boat out of the water, I was completely decompressed, and exhausted in the best possible way.  When I arrived at school to pick the kids up my pant legs were still wet, and I was still happy.  It was an absolutely perfect day, one that I needed badly.  My husband earned some major points for the beautiful day on the river he planned just for me.

Beautiful Behavior

Today was the dreaded grocery shopping day.  We were out of everything, and I had no choice but to take the kids with me.  My list was way too long, and the store was way too busy.  I knew it was going to be a disaster.  I loaded the kids into one of the giant carts with the car in the front, so they could drive while I shopped.  People jumped out of the way as we came barrelling down the aisles, and I just tried not to run anyone over. 

Much too often, when in this situation, the kids get on each other's nerves, and screaming ensues before we make it to the check out.  Today, by some miracle, they were great.  They were telling each other funny stories, and giggling up a storm.  Almost every time I looked down at them, their heads were pressed together conspiratorially, and they were in their own world.  The good mood lasted all the way out into the parking lot, and they got in the car with happy smiling faces.  I unloaded the car, and to their delight, announced we were going to the video store to rent a movie.  Beautiful behavior deserves a beautiful reward.

The Best Family Day Ever

We took an impromptu trip with the kids to the fish hatchery today.  Nick had the day off, and we had no plans, so it was a no brainer.  The kids were so excited when we told them we were going fishing with both Mommy and Daddy.  We stopped to pick up some lunch at the store and then headed to the kids pond.  Christian took a long nap in the car on the way as Tes methodically chanted "Are we there yet?"  I just smiled in the front seat.

When we got to the hatchery, Nick started to set up all the fishing gear, and I lathered the kids up with sunblock.  Nick and Tessie made their way over to the kids pond, and after I got Christian in his walker, we slowly followed them.  I set Christian up on the grass at the edge of the water and locked all the wheels on the walker.  It would have ruined the day if he rolled into the pond.  Nick handed him a fly rod with no hook, and he started to happily cast while he said "To the sky, to the water."  Nick cast a spinning rod out for Tes, which was rigged with a lure, and then handed it to her to reel in.  The kids were in heaven.

We took a break from fishing to eat our lunch, and we all munched happily while we watched the birds and the clouds.  Nick had cast the lure out into the middle of the pond while we ate, and suddenly, it went under.  He grabbed the rod and handed it to Tes, and we all cheered as she reeled in the fish, a first for her.  Christian jumped up and down in his walker, and Tessie looked serious as she landed the little rainbow trout.  Nick took it out of the water to show the kids, and we congratulated Tes.  Just as he was about to release it, Tessie said "Ok, lets eat it now."  We laughed, then told her we thought we should put it back.  "No, I want to eat it." she said, mater-of-factually.  Nick and I were a bit stumped.  Catch and release fishing is something that is pretty ingrained in our fishing practice, not to mention the fact that this fish was a stocked trout, and not too tasty looking.  Nick managed to release the fish by convincing Tes that this way, someone else would have a chance to catch it.  "Okay," she said, shrugging.  "We can eat a different one."

A while later we hooked another fish, and Christian got to reel it it, with a little help.  We had a perfect record, and it was time to quit while we were ahead.  Before heading home, we took the kids over to the hatchery to feed the fish.  They loved it, and we had to refill our stash of pellets a couple of times.  Tes had to go potty before we left, so I took her into the bathroom at the hatchery.  While I was standing in the stall with her she said "Mom, this was the best family day ever!  I'm glad Daddy didn't have to go to work today."  I smiled and agreed with her, wholeheartedly.  It was more than the best family day ever, it was beautiful. 

Mother's Day

It has been an absolutely wonderful Mother's Day.  I woke up this morning to the sounds of my children over the baby monitor.  Tessie was telling her brother about Mother's Day, and how it's a day when you draw pictures and pick flowers for Mommy.  Just then I heard the new coffee maker beep, telling me the coffee was ready.  How perfect.  I spent the morning snuggling with the kids, doing a little cleaning, and talking on the phone to my mother and mother in law.  When I lay Christian down for his nap after lunch, I whispered to him that I loved him and I was lucky to be his mom.  He whispered back, "I know that."

While he was sleeping, Tessie and I worked in the garden.  She helped me mix top soil and composted manure, and looked radiant all covered in dirt.  We hadn't finished when Christian woke up, so I brought him out in the stroller, and he watched us plant cauliflower and peas, while he gathered rocks in his lap.  When he asked to play in the dirt, Tessie flattened out a spot for him to sit, and they dug and played with tractors while I finished planting.  They both helped me water, and as I carried Christian back in the house he said "That was so fun."  I couldn't have agreed more.

Another mom friend and I had dinner plans, and the dads were going to feed and watch the kids.  I got the three of us cleaned up, and we drove over to meet Nick at our friend's house.  On the way there the kids kept up their angel routine, gushing about what a great day they had, and how much they loved me.  I was glowing when we walked in the door.  My girlfriend and I had a fabulous dinner, a great bottle of wine, and a lot of uninterrupted conversation.  That is priceless, believe me.  We came back to happy, but tired, kids and husbands.  I got the kids in their jammies, we said our goodnights, and headed home.  Both Tes and Christian were sound asleep by the time we pulled into our driveway.  I carried them to bed, one at a time, and gingerly tucked the covers up around their chins.  Then I stood there and stared at them.  This was the greatest Mother's Day.  I am so in love with my family tonight, I can't begin to quantify it.  All I can say, is that I am truly, and beautifully, blessed to be a mom.

A Walk Around the Yard

My parents came into town last night to watch Tessie in her debut ballet performance, and spent the night.  My dad is very busy, and often when they come up for a night, they hurry home first thing in the morning.  This morning, however, they hung out for a while.  We had a long, leisurely breakfast, and then when Nick went to work, the kids, my parents and myself, went outside to play.  It was a beautiful morning, and it felt great to be outside and the kids were excited to show my folks the garden.  I left Christian playing with my mom at the sand box, and Tes and I took my dad on a tour of the backyard.  I showed him my raspberry bushes, and where I want to plant my future orchard.  We talked about all the work Nick and I had been doing on the property, and all the work we planned to do.  Tessie showed him all the cool places she liked to play, and danced around in front of us as we walked.  It was so wonderful to spend a little time with my dad, showing him the things I'm doing, and take so much pride in.  We ended the walk at the slide, where Christian was laughing hysterically as my mom helped him slide down, over and over again.  They couldn't stay for much longer, but as we waved at them as they drove off, my soul felt warmed by the wonderfully beautiful visit. 

The Most Beautiful Ballerina

Tonight was Tessie's first ballet recital.  For weeks she has been talking about it, dancing around the house, and brimming with excitement.  As the day grew nearer she practically vibrated.  As it turned out, Tessie had a dress rehearsal two hours before the actual performance.  I was going to have to get her to the rehearsal, pick her up a half an hour later, get something to eat, have her back an hour later, and then stand in line for tickets.  The closer it got to go time, the more nervous I became.  I started to panic that I wouldn't have something she needed, so I searched the house for her tights and ballet slippers, and breathed easier once they were in the bag.  We did a test run of her hair and make up, yes she had to wear makeup, but it was only a little blush on her cheeks and eyelids and some lip gloss.  I felt confident that we were ready.

Nick and I got her to rehearsal just in time.  She looked so cute walking in with her hair in a tight bun, and her ballet bag on her shoulder.  She was very serious as she said goodbye to me, and I started wistfully after her as she was whisked backstage, my stomach in knots.  After the rehearsal she was very quiet, but she told us it was fun, and that she was still excited for the recital.  We dropped her back off at the theatre after dinner, told her that we couldn't wait to see her dance, and waved goodbye.  Then we stood in line with the rest of the parents and community members, and waited to see Tessie's minute in the spotlight.  We were nowhere near prepared.

Tessie is in the youngest class, and they were dancing as ladybugs.  At the end of the first act they came tiptoeing onto the stage with a couple of older girls, and my heart instantly melted.  Tes looked so sweet.  She was near the back but we still had a good view as they started their dance.  Then Tes must have decided she didn't like her spot, because she came right to the front of the stage.  She moved around a few times, before ending up next to the older dancer, and directly in front of her cheering section.  Meanwhile, all the other ladybugs were actually doing a fantastic job of dancing.  Tes didn't seem concerned with the steps, however, as she scanned the audience.  I was holding my breath.  Then she spotted us.  She broke out into a giant grin, and started waving and pointing at us.  The entire audience, who were already laughing, let loose.  She was a riot.  I was laughing so hard that the video I was taking shook the whole time.

Suddenly, Tessie remembered she was supposed to be dancing, and she hurried to find the right spot to stand.  She was very concerned about being in the right place, and started to ask the older dancer if she was right.  The poor little girl standing next to her looked utterly exasperated.  She did manage to pull of one move, however, and it was great!  They ended the dance by skipping sweetly around the stage, with Tes trailing behind in more of a gallop.  Then the little ladybugs lay down on the stage and went to sleep.  Tessie managed that one just fine.

As they stood up to explosive applause, Tes jumped up and down, waving at us with all her might.  My heart had never been so full.  At intermission I walked to the stage door, and caught her as she came rushing towards me, her face lit up with exquisite joy, and I told her I had never been more proud of her.  She may not be the most disciplined ballerina, but as far as I'm concerned, she has the most beautiful spirit I have ever seen.

She spotted us!

The move

Night night ladybug

Thanks to my dad for getting these, and many other, great shots.  I was too busy laughing.

Magnets

I got my degree in Elementary Education, with an emphasis in language arts, specifically early reading.  This means that aside from having a great love of learning and literature, I also have a great interest in the literacy of my children.  Luckily for me, both of my children love books, being read to, and exploring words and letter sounds.  We play a regular game of naming words that start with random letters or sounds, and every time they smile with pride at their knowledge, I am doing mental cartwheels, in other words, I am in heaven.  Today Tessie took our game one step further, and I just about lost it.

She was playing with refrigerator magnets, arranging them into matching letter and color rows.  I know, she is already a little nerdy, but I like her that way.  She started putting magnets together and asking me what words she was making.  The first word was IZJ.  I sunded it out for her, and when she crinkled her nose at the odd sound combinations, I reassured her that it was okay, she was just making nonsense words.  Then I asked if she wanted to spell some real words like CAT.  She agreed enthusiastically, and a new game was born.

We said each letter's sound by itself, then she picked the letters (by herself) that made that sound.  She placed them next to one another, then together we blended the sounds to make the word.  "Cat!" she said proudly, pointing to the word she had just made.  We high-fived, then started changing the first letter to make different rhyming words.  She spelled CAT, HAT, PAT, and BAT, before tiring of the game.  I stared at the words on the fridge as she walked away, and thought no combination of letters had ever been more beautiful.

True Love and a Chicken

Nick wasn't feeling well today, and though he had originally planned on coming into work with me, he ended up staying home. I called to check on him throughout the day, and he pretty much felt bad all day. Poor guy. When I got home with the kids I asked how his day went. I expected him to tell me that he rested and watched some movies, which he did, but I didn't expect what he said next. One of my chickens, the smart one, flew the coop. She was wandering all over the yard. When I'm home and she gets loose, yes this happens a lot, she comes to find me, and I return her to her sisters. But she doesn't like Nick, and he really isn't fond of her. So my husband, my sick husband, spent a good part of his afternoon chasing down my chicken. He returned her safely to the run, beautifully unscathed. If that's not true love, I don't know what is.

Back to Sleep

Christian has pretty much always been a good sleeper, the first six months not being considered.  But what he has not been good at is falling asleep on his own after being woken up.  Especially in the middle of the night.  It became pretty much impossible once I weaned him.  If he woke up at night I would spend what felt like hours, sitting next to his bed, shushing and soothing him.  Then I would literally crawl out of the room on my hands and knees, while holding my breath.  Don't laugh, you know you've done it too.  This worked about half the time, the other half would find me back in his room, repeating the same ridiculous scenario.

This pattern leaked a little into our bed time routine.  I always tell the kids a story, then sing them a song, after I tuck them in.  I was having to back out of the room while I was still singing, then close the door as I said goodnight.  As soon as I left the room, Christian would start to yell after me, although he almost always quieted down within a few minutes, then fell asleep.  It worked, but was hardly the way I wanted to send my kids to bed.  Lately, everything has changed. 

I don't know exactly when I started, but I stopped going in the room when Christian woke up during the night.  I would stand in the doorway, and shush quietly and continuously until he was quiet.  That changed to standing in the doorway and calling softly to him that I was there.  Soon, I didn't even make it to the door before he had fallen back asleep.  The last few nights I have actually been able to go in his room, fix his covers, and kiss him, without causing a scene.  It's like magic.  Just now, when I put the kids to bed, I sang a little song, then kissed them each goodnight.  I snuggled Christian up, and said goodnight.  "Night night Mama.  Love you." he said with a smile on his face.  I left the room grinning in spite of my exhaustion.  Sometimes your hard work does, in fact, pay off.  And when it does, it is a beautiful thing.

Nachos in the Rain

It was dreary and rainy all day in our little bit of the mountains.  Most of the day there was just a steady, gentle rain, barely audible on the roof, but enough to motivate me to start a fire.  By the mid afternoon, the house was cosy, and the gentle drizzle had turned into a heavy downpour.  Christian was taking a nap, I was cleaning out my closet, and Tessie was keeping me company.  It was the perfect moment for a little snack.

I perused our inventory and came up with the perfect snack.  I made a small plate of nachos, and walked back upstairs.  Tessie was playing in my closet, and I surprised her with the plate of nachos.  I sat down next to her on the carpet, and we dove in.  Tessie's eyes grew wide with her first bite, and I realized it was the first time she had ever had nachos.  My closet is tucked into the rafters, and so the rain was loud on the metal roof overhead.  By this time, thunder was rumbling around us, and it felt like we were in a cave, just me and my little girl.  She was ridiculously cute, eating each nacho slowly, mumbling "mmmm, cheeeesy..."  She melted my heart, and totally made my day.  I can't think of a more perfectly beautiful way I could have spent a rainy afternoon.

Thank Goodness for Uncles

We had a few friends, and their kids, over for a Cinco de Mayo barbecue this evening.  By the time everyone arrived I was, unfortunately, deep in Poor Me Mama Land.  I was pretty fed up with the kids whining at me, and over my saturation point for frustration with Christian.  Lame, I know, but that's the truth.  Christian wanted to play outside with his friends, but I had to start cooking.  I tried sitting him in his sled, so he could be near his friends, but it wasn't enough.  He wanted me to walk him around the yard with them.  I couldn't blame the boy, but I just couldn't help him. 

Luckily for both of us, his uncles stepped up.  Two of my good guy friends took turns walking Christian all over the yard, until I was free.  They followed his every whim, pushing him on the swing until he screamed in delight, taking him to the river to throw rocks, and keeping up with the other boys.  By the time he made it back to me he was happy to sit on the back porch with me, and watch the other kids being silly.  I couldn't have made it through the evening without that reprieve, it was just what I needed.  Thank goodness for uncles, they can be quite beautiful.

I Wanna Vroom!

Tonight our brood wandered across the street, to celebrate our friend and neighbor's birthday.  When we got there I set myself up in the kitchen to make margaritas, and Nick set Christian up in a little kid chair to play.  He sat nearby to keep an eye on him, but we were both really impressed with how well Christian was sitting.  After a while, Nick wandered out of the room, and Christian just kept playing happily.  I peeked at him from the kitchen from time to time, but he was doing great, and didn't even hint at falling.

When I was done with my task, I went to check on Mr. Bubs.  He was still sitting tall and steady, but he asked to go outside, so I carried him out.  As soon as we were outside Christian spotted a "Cars" tricycle, and insisted on getting on.  I normally would have held him the whole time he was sitting, but because he had been sitting so well inside, I thought I'd see how he did on his own.  I planted his feet on the ground, and showed him where to hold the handles, then backed away.  He stayed upright, and kept sitting that way for ages.  Nick and I had to keep switching roles as spotter, he sat for so long.  I couldn't believe how strong and steady he was, and how big he looked.

All the other kids were running around, sugar rushed out, but Christian didn't pay any attention, he was in love with the tricycle.  He kept pushing buttons, and shouting "Cars!" and laughing hysterically.  It started to get cold, and I asked him if he wanted to go play inside with some of his friends, but he shook his head.  "No Momma, I wanna vroom!"  I couldn't argue with that, so a-vrooming he went.  I almost cried, watching my strong, beautiful boy, sitting on that tricycle all night.

Stamina

We had a very long day today, a great day, but a long one.  We started with swim therapy, and the kids shrieked with excitement when Nick said he would be coming with us.  He stayed with us all day.  After the pool we ran errands, then went out to lunch, where both kids had pancakes.  Lunch was followed by parent/teacher conferences at the kid's preschool, which were great, and left us beaming with pride.  At this point, we were pretty far past nap time, so we headed home.  This is where it got really good, all of us lay down for quiet time.  That's right, all four of us.  Amazing.  Then we got back in the car and went to Nick's mom's for dinner.  By the time we got home, it was past bedtime, and I was worried the kid's would give me a really hard time.  I was wrong.  They snuggled on the couch together, waiting for book time, giggling and smiling like they hadn't just had the longest day ever.  In awe of their stamina, I just watched them for a minute, and smiled at the beautiful scene in front of me.

Happy Siblng Time

Every once in a while, my children blow me away with their love for, and kindness toward one another.  Tonight in the tub we had one of those moments.  Tessie gently poured water all over her brother, smoothing his hair down, and telling him how handsome he was.  Christian smiled and thanked her.  When she held her head back for me to wash her hair, he told her what a good job she was doing.  At one point, Christian slipped and started to fall.  He fell against the side of the tub, caught himself, and with a little help from me, sat back up.  Tessie gushed how proud of him she was, and gave him a huge hug that nearly knocked him over again.  When they got out of the tub I wrapped them both up in towels, and they snuggled together, giggling like crazy.  Tes kept hiding behind the door and popping out to scare her brother, who shrieked with laughter each time.  I just sat back and soaked up all the happy sibling time.  Moments like this are precious, and absolutely beautiful. 

The Hug

I had an emotional morning, that's putting it mildly.  I have been incredibly emotionally charged lately, and the littlest things can send me into a downward spiral.  (This is the part where I apologize to my husband, and thank him for putting up with all my crazy.)  While I was driving Tes and Christian to school I was crying like an idiot, and trying to hide it from the kids.  They don't need to know the extent of my absurdity yet.  Thank goodness I had a roll of toilet paper in the car.  I somehow managed to pull myself together before we arrived at school, and thought I might be able to get away with no one knowing about my cry-fest in the car. 

As I was getting the kids out of the car, I spotted a friend of mine across the parking lot.  She and I used to be very close, but since we have had kids we haven't seen each other nearly enough.  Sometimes that happens for no reason other than the fact that it's just hard to do anything once you are a parent.  I waved at her, and she walked across the parking lot.  We asked how the other was doing, and we each gave a half-hearted shrug.  I could see my morning mirrored in her expression, and I immediately gave her a hug.  We stood there, holding onto each other for dear life, finding comfort in a long lost friend. 

It didn't matter how much time had passed since our last real visit, in that moment we knew exactly what the other one needed.  Motherhood, and womanhood for that matter, is hard.  We take on so much, and then give even more.  No one else understands like another mother.  We didn't tell each other what was bothering us, we just wiped away our tears and promised to see each other soon.  That moment made me feel better than almost anything else could have, and I can only hope I did the same for her.  The bonds of motherhood and friendship are a beautiful thing.